.

So I did it.

2006-08-16T23:18:00.000-04:00

EspacioDeMi.

Ugh.

I ALREADY HATE IT.

| A picture list... |

2006-08-11T02:38:00.000-04:00

Ichi:

Some things aren't meant to happen...

I've been worrying all this time for nothing! Hahahaha....The Letter(TM) has been returned. This is the second time in my LIFE that mail has been returned to me. Like ever. First time was *cough*MattchusstuffIsentbeforeKatrinaandIaintsendingitagain*cough* and now this. Both personal items containing personal information containing revealing words and thoughts. Annnnd...SCENE. Let me return back to being elusive, emotionally. Yes, yes, that works for me. Adam, fishing season has begun! Ok, I'm lying.

Ni:

Infatuation is EASY...

Ichiro Suzuki anyone? I don't think I want my last name to remind me of a car though.

=

I'll stick with Takeshi (for now...mwahahaha). Arigatou gozaimasu.

San:

What MIGHT be my Myspace picture...think it's me?...

Heck. Yes. Or...or....!!!

I'd much rather be sleeping, than be on Myspace.

Shi:

Jason's married. Wowwww. Wow. I sent him an email. *cough*YetIhavenopictureshmmmm*cough*

Go:

I dunno, just wanna continue counting in Japanese. Ichi, Ni, San, Shi, Go, Roku, Shichi, Hachi, Kyuu, Jyuu! HAAA HAA HAA! (c) Count Von Count. He's my FAVOURITE Sesame Street character EVER. For real. WAN! TWOOOOO! Buckle my frickin shoe.

Ok, tis all. I'm sleepy. FINALLY I'll get some REST tonight! Yaaaaaaay!

Oyasuminasai.

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita.

Current e-Motions: meeeeeeeeeeeh, like a cow. Again.
Wikked Riddims: Justin Timberlake (yes, shoot me now!) - Justified - "Still On My Brain"

| Maaaaan.... |

2006-08-09T01:04:00.000-04:00

So they had to dig a hole in my wall to get this stinkin cable net to get going. Something about falty underground wiring and some other mess. I pretty much tuned him out. All I wanted was to be online as of today, and that's what I got.

But a hole in my wall? I mean it's not a gaping hole, it's just...there.

Ugh.
How monumentally gay is that?

Very upsetting. Alas, I'm back in e-world...

Yeah, nobody cares.

I guess I should do a blog/yuckspace tour right?

Maybe.

I have less than 4 months to get myself ready for Osakaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I'm going to start shipping things there next month and I'll probably send a mass email out to all of you and give you my new addy and phone number, hahaha like any of y'all would be CRAZY enough to call Osaka! I think not. Hell, *I* don't even wanna call Osaka when I'm *in* Osaka, much less. Oh yeah and I'm gonna have a new blog too so look out for that...and lastly...

This is more defeat than an announcement:

I've decided to officially give up the independant freedom fight and join freakin MySpace.

Not NOW though, in a few weeks.

I'll keep you posted.

I hope all has been well with everyone.

Ummm, so yeah.

Oh and you...if you even still read this...wow, is there anything to say? After all I said? I miss you. A LOT. I won't even lie. And I dunno, I wish I could take back about 85% of that letter. But a lot of what I said is 110% true so...*sigh*

I'm just an idiot.

That's factual, at least.

K, that's it. I'll be back with more sometime soon.

Ohhhh I'm going to VA in 2 weeks, holleeeeeerrrrrrrr. These are the times I wish Adam was still in Texas. Punk. With punk glasses. With punk RayBan glasses, no less. lol.

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita.

Japanese Word of the Day:

"Ganbatte-san!"

Trans. lit. "Good Luck, son!" < ok, maybe not with the 'son'.

Current e-Motions: meeeeeeeeeeeeh, like a cow.
Wikked Riddims: Death Cab For Cutie - Plans - "Crooked Teeth"

PS. Did I mention I bought Onimusha 3 juuuust because Takeshi's starring in it? That's sad and hilarious all at once. I'm gonna buy the whole series now! The game is craaaaaaaazy though, kinda like a Nihonji-Furansuu version of Prince of Persia.

WAIT HOLD UP!!! There's a sword controller!!!

Muwahahahaha, I'll look for this tomorrow.

| Dear Friends... |

2006-07-24T22:40:00.000-04:00

Just to let you know, that the end of the world is indeed at hand.

And whyyyy is it, that when I read over my contract this weekend, my sister pointed out that my company has made itself NOT liable in the unforeseeable circumstances that I end up missing due to natural disasters and/or WARS.

It said WARS, specifically.

HELLO!

What a time to head out to Japan, yo. I gotta find the Canadian Embassy QUICK, as soon as I LAND, more like it.

But yes, aside from all that, the end of the world is pretty much shaping up. With a peace treaty no less! I always knew Condi was the Anti-Christ. She just fit the bill all too well. Yeah, call me crazy, but I have a faith that moves mountains, and indeed with that faith, comes a lot of prophecy and a loooot of toubling events to happen.

Time to get ya soul right peoples!!!

And trust me, I'm in the MOST need of it.

And that's all I have for now, other than the usuals: Hate my job, itching to quit, my feet hurt. Oh yeah, my dad's coming back from Jamaica with TONS of mangoes, guineps and coconut drooooops, AND fried fish galore. Yuuuum. I can't wait, no can't wait (c) Sleepy Brown.

I also did something that I'm not too sure was the right thing to do, but I tend to be overly passionate and impetuous about a lot of things, so hopefully, God willing, I made the right decision. Yes, that's that cryptic speak again. I've learned it from the best lol, *inside joke*.

I mean you can't regret speaking your mind right? What you say is what you say. So I said it, a lot of it. It was more like letting my heart speak. Which is ALWAYS stupid when it comes to me.

K, that's it. I better go before my cable connection acts up again. You pay $30/month for stinking cable internet and as soon h'as a likkle breeze blow de sinting nuh wan fi work proppa, chuuuuuuh mahn. Dem bess gimme wan refunn fi dis nonsense!

Oops, Jamaican slip up.

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita.

Hebrew and Japanese Words of the Day:

Rachmana' Litslan

(ra-kha-mah-na’ leets-LAHN) phr. Aramaic. “God forbid!”

Owaru

Meaning:to end, to finish

Pronunciation:Oh-wah-r(oo)

Example:

kono bangumi ga owattara, nemashou.
After this (TV) program ends, let's go to sleep.

Current e-Motions: ehhh...who cares, the world's ending.
Wikked Riddims: Mars Ill - ProPain, the entire CD.

| Ugh, We're Divorced. |

2006-07-21T00:25:00.000-04:00

Okay honestly, though Nakata-san is beautiful and all...

That's about all he has going on. I mean he's not even a FIFA/futbol player anymore, sooo what else is there for me to pay attention to? Now I ain't saying I'm a gold digger...but he bores me now. He's probably BORING anyway, lol. Good looking guys usually are.

Yeah, so he probably only talks about soccer. And I'll only understand 2 sentences in each of our conversations. Plus, he's liable to cheat with this chick:

Y'all know who THAT is, at least. If not, regardez ici .

All in all, I annul our pseudo-marriage.

Hidetoshi and I are no more = ~~Kurisuteen Nakata~~.

Bai-bai, o-sucka-san.

I now give you, Kurisuteen KANESHIRO...(thanks to YouTube).

Ahem.

Ahem.

<

Ahem.

Ahem.

I'll cough out a lung and y'all still won't get the picture! (ha, irony).

Takeshi Kaneshiro is the man, like I've said before.

Dude speaks Japanese, Cantonese, Mandarin, all fluently AND ENGRISH.

(parte un)

(parte deux)

And I mean Eigoga cho berigu (pretty well spoken English) too for an ESL learner! Boooo, he went to GEO S though to learn Engrish, a competitor against MY GAKKOO. Anyway, yeah and he sings. And he plays piano effortlessly. And he's passionate and artistic. And he's funny. And he's still partially Japanese...

...and wild animals come to him freely with little to no hesitation...?!?!

What the...? He's an ANGEL. Apparently, for real:

(screenshot from his movie, Lavender)

And his eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyes...they are what get me everytime.

*swooooooooooooooooooooooooon* Takeshi is...captivating. Dang near poetic. And I have a MUCH greater chance of meeting him. Much, much, much. He's in Nihon A LOT. hehehehe. And if anything, I'll just fly over to Hong Kong or whatever and ~~stalk~~ find him.

Back up Nakata. I got a new shujin now, arigatou gozaimasu.

Plus, Takeshi's 5'10/5'11". And Hide's as tall as me...?! = pass.

HAHAHAHA and Jason's post for me is super kawaii. Thanks J!!! I'll comment on it riiight abooout, now.

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita.

Japanese Word of the Day:

Current e-Motions: Ureshii desu that I'm off for two days in a row! And I got more documentation from Japan todaaaaaaaay, I NOW HAVE AN ADDRESS IN OSAKAAAAAAAAAA!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Wikked Riddims: Fergie - The Dutchess - London Bridges ...yeah, you read that correctly. DOPENESS. Now DL it, if your ears can take it.

PS. Hoooold up, ummm...anyone wanna get this for me? He may be my ex and all but daaaang, this would entertaining, this is when he played in the Italian futbol league(s):

| Parable Time |

2006-07-19T22:59:00.000-04:00

Firstly, you know the Dashboard page where you click the lil plus sign that allows you to post entries? And beside it how you can click and see your umm profile or whatever? Well I wasn't really paying attention and I was just about to click the plus sign to do an entry and the picture of my shujin in my profile completely caught me off guard. He is so dang beautiful! I'm sorry. I'm a Hidetoshi Nakata 'Stan' right now. It's official. Word is, since he's retired, he's gonna start some kind of futbol player management business in NY!!! Ahhhhhhh! I'll be moving to NY then...? Ewww, actually, on second thought...nevermind.

Ok, parable time. I'm gonna try and make it up on the spot so be patient with me:

Say there's this girl you knew named Candi that had a child with some dude she's known for a long time, a little over 6 years. Let's call him Shawn. Despite their minor differences, Candi and Shawn still manage to have a very wonderful friendship, and though they're not together they manage to nurse, support and maintain a family-ship of sorts that provides their child with love, nourishment and utmost care.

Then say one day an old flame of Shawn's pops up into his life out of noooowhere. Let's call her Katrina, and yes I picked that name purposely because of its recent connotations. At first Shawn was like 'man Katrina looks GOOD, but you know what, I'm happy doing my thing, maintaining a family unit with Candi and our 6 year old child, I'm not even gonna pay her any attention...' Which is great right? Shawn has his head on straight, finally. Candi knows he tends to get a little airheaded when it comes to pretty faces, but she knows that no matter what he's still gonna prioritize his family and his child. Then one day Candi finds out that Shawn has been talking to Katrina incessantly, and Shawn admits that yeah he sorta-kinda has an attraction to Katrina, but he swears that his family is still first and foremost...ok, cool.

Later on, Candi comes to find out that Shawn really has intense feelings for Katrina, and though he's trying to self preserve himself by staying away from other females, he feels like Katrina is someone worthy of affection. And though he claims he's still doing his part by keeping his family together, it seems like the 6 year old child they have, is lacking a good amount of attention. It almost seems that Shawn has forgotten the blood, sweat and tears that went into rearing this wonderful 6 year old child. And Candi knows Katrina's selfish motives, will be to rip Shawn away from the family unit entirely, if she gets her way. After all, she is a natural disaster *cough*in Juicy Couture*cough*.

So what is Candi to do in this situation? Does she let Shawn get deeper and deeper into Katrina until he looses sight in the VALUE of their 6 year old child? Is it fair that Candi seems to get passed over and left behind, just because Katrina in all her flaming glory decides to come back into Shawn's life? Isn't Shawn losing sight on who his affections REALLY should be for in this case? Why did he feel the need to entertain Katrina, when he knows what a disaster she's been in the past? (You see Katrina caused Shawn a lot of heartache, she was responsible for the loss of some of his emotional stability and she took a lot of belongings from him that weren't hers in the first place...etc etc.) What the heck is wrong with Candi? And where does this new involvement with Katrina leave the child? Should Candi just pack up herself and her child and move the heck on?

If anyone has any answers let me know.

Interesting story, isn't it? If y'all only knew...

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita.

Japanese Word of the Day:

Kono densha wa konde imasu.

Trans. lit. "The train is crowded."

Boy oh boy, is it.

Current e-Motions: *shrugs* whatev...
Wikked Riddims: Leela James - A Change is Gonna Come - "Mistreating Me"

| Feelin so O-Ren today...|

2006-07-19T13:58:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been pretty irritated by most people I know and things around me.

So I've decided to go Kill Bill on all of y'all.

I'm buying a sword. Not just ANY sword, a Masamune Wakizashi Katana sword. Straight outta Tokyo, san!

Bwahahahaha.

Check it out AQUI. Ain't it purdy? Oh and for those who hate to click:

Don't get cut.

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita.

Japanese Words of the Day:

Samurai

Alternative words: Bushi, Mononofu

After a disaster of Hakusukinoe and the political turmoil which followed, a great number of Korean warriors took refuge in Japan, especially in sparsely populated Kanto region. Then, gradually they became private guardians of aristocrats' manors. Engaged several times in conflicts between these aristocrats, samurais themselves ended in owners of manors at the end of Heian period. Until Edo period, many farmers were part-time samurai. Samurai comes from an old word "saburau", i.e. attendant.

Current e-Motions: *evil grin*
Wikked Riddims: Melanie Durrant feat. Kardinal Offishall - Where I'm Going - "Bang Bang (remix)"

| Oh HELL no. |

2006-07-17T00:57:00.000-04:00

Once again I'm convinced that Crapspace is not the place for me or my beloved ego.

Thanks, but no thanks.

This weekend one of my friends, who shall remain melanin-less, signed me up SANS my permission to That Place That Has No Name(TM), as it shall be referred to from now on.

So I'm technically on TPTHNN(TM) but I'm torn on whether to keep it and actually make it into a site where I despise all that TPTHNN is and will become, or delete it and run away without looking back, trying to scrape together what's left of my sacred Vomitspace-less livelihood.

I really like the latter.

I also discovered that one of my friends, one who I talk about more often than not on here, who happens to be a filmmaker in the making, and just moved to LA *cough*, also knows someone who's dating one of my ex's on TPTHNN.

Ok, gross.

EW is more like it.

I didn't need to know that he knew that particular person.

Not that I still have any feelings left for this particular ex, but the thought that my friend knows this person that dates my ex and they all live joyously in a wonderful-world-wide netzien community is just sickening. I'm feeling a little Uma Thurman-ish at the moment. I don't think anyone will get that reference unless they know Uma's track record with the mens.

Ahem, anyway.

Thanks, but NO THANKS.

STOP trying to recruit me into your den of evilness!!! TPTHNN will NOT swallow me whole as it has all of you. Y'all practically LIVE on there, and I'm not trying to be 'owned' as that certain melanin-less friend proclaimed I was the day he hacked my identity.

Think again, o-sucka-san.

Anyway, I didn't mean to make this into a post about TPTHNN at all. This was supposed to be about this new blog I found, about this Black dude that's doing exactly what i'll be doing in Japan. He's HILARIOUS. God willing, I either meet up with him somehow, or, make a new net-friend that'll help me out with the highs and lows that I'm sure I'll face in Nihon.

I like the name of the site too, GajinSmash, check it HERE.

And that's that. I've been an emotional wreck lately. But that's not new. Oh and I watched this Bollywood movie called 'Baghban' today that was stunning. STUN-NING. Rent it if you can. I cried for a good 2 hours of it. And no, it's not just cuz I'm a sucker. It really will have you crying. My sister aka The Rock, was in tears. That's like an impossible feat. It's film with a beautiful plot and a bittersweet ending, but it's wow. Woooow. It's exactly what love should ~~look~~ BE like. That's all I can say.

And I'm through. Good luck to you and yours with your Spitspace endeavours, but I, shall NOT be joining you.

Just know if you see a 'Christine' on TPTHNN(TM), who happens to be Pacific Islander at the grandiose height of 1 inch, it ain't me.

It's a creation of that dude, that lacks an amazing amount of melanin. And, wait a minute, who just up and disappeared on AIM? What the...?!

Good going, loser.

Your days are numbered.

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita.

Japanese Word of the Day:

Current e-Motions: incredulous. absolutely, incredulous.
Wikked Riddims: Portishead - Dummy - "Sour Times (Nobody Loves Me)"

2006-07-12T01:02:00.000-04:00

Hidetoshi Nakata Interview

3 minutes and 21 seconds of Nihongo speak and I LOVE it. I understood about 2 sentences AT MOST of what he said. He's kinda mean too, I *love* that, as well. He kept saying 'like I said before' 'like I told you' 'I think not', etc etc. to the reporters, lol. Ahhhh, my husband. Do y'all hear all the screaming heffas in the back? He's the Asian Beckham, it's insane. *swoon* Jeff who?

| Let's talk random/cryptic. |

2006-07-09T21:58:00.000-04:00

I'm hooked on Me and You and Everyone We Know.
I miss you.
I hate that chick.
I don't hate, really.
I have a big ego.
I HATE people with big ego's.
Some people are funny.
I know our friendship will never be the same.
We don't even taaaalk noooo moooore, we've run out of woooords to saaay (c) Dru Hill
He better let a sistah know.
Some things in life must end.
Lao Tsu is that stuff.
So is Angel Kyodo Williams.
I'm sorry.
I don't get people sometimes.
My workplace makes me ill.
Her poems about you SUCK SUCK SUCK.
Nothing compared to mine.
~~NOTHING~~.
I'm INSULTED ACTUALLY.
Yeah I said it.
Pretentious bleep.
BLEEP.
Now he's writing about this stuff.
I'm jealous over the past.
I can't stand present tense nowadays.
Italy killed em.
Honking horns are blasting my eardrums.
As soon as I crossed over to my 'burb though, the silence was/is golden (thank God for Jews, seriously.)
They're gonna complain.
I'm gonna tell em to shove it.
I didn't get a raise?!?!
HAHAHAHA, peace out in 4-6 weeks, o-suckas.
Ok that one's obvious.
I'm painfully aware that I'm a nerd.
I'm also a know-it-all.
Which is painful.
Most likely you're just as annoying as I am.
I love that they're getting married.
I want to be at the wedding.
So I can laugh and cry and rejoice at good things yet to come.
Some people are meant for each other.
SOME PEOPLE AREN'T MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
Krish Allah will forever be my regret.
I need to write one of my ex's.
I need to NOT write one of my ex's.
Do you know when I'm talking about you, specifically?
I figured out why women become whores.
I'm too old for it.
Loneliness isn't a curse, it's an experience...?
Live it.
Do it.
Steal it, but put it back. Then laugh at the idiocy of it.
Necessity outranks want.
Wants are never needs.
God knows what God's doing.
When will I learn to trust?
Mishlei 27:5.
Tehillim 51.
Let him please be half Black and half Japanese.
Half black and half something else.
hahaha.
I'm serious.
A lot of the time.
But I'm goofy.
Some people know this.
Dark features are stunning.
Curly hair.
Beautiful eyes.
Funny looking face.
He's a lot younger than me.
This time.
Again?
hahaha.
Ewwww.
R. Kelly alert.
I have meteor showers on my face.
It's hormonal.
Everything's hormonal.
The destruction of the world is hormonal.
I don't fear life or death.
I fear failure.
I want to have intrinsic joy.
Let it last.
More.
Again.
"The universe is benevolent."
Really?
Maybe.
I'm a bad friend to a lot of people.
Eric Benet sings my national anthem.
As does Amel Larrieux.
Maxwell is a feast to my ears (his cd needs to drop SOON).
I dream too much.
Do I want too much out of life?
Why do I desire these things?
I wish I was more logical, less emotional.
Like a robot.
Domo arigatou, Mr. Roboto.
Christine Jesperson reminds me of me.
That's narcissistic.
Who cares.
I care.
I SUCK at relationships.
They're the plague.
Yet.
However.
I want twins.
Babies!
I want to be a mother.
Someday.
Soon, sometimes.
I want to walk to the park with my children in my arms.
I want to smell grass.
Lawn grass, that is.
Roll in dirt.
Run through sprinklers.
Again.
Barcardi is demonic.
I don't have a drinking problem.
I could.
There's a lot you don't know about me.
No clue.
There's a slight depression looming.
Contentment is a good cover.
I ache.
For.
You.
I wish I could say it.
I love you.
And admit it to Me.
And You.
And Everyone
We
Know.

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita.

Current e-Motions: *sigh* one step at a time. Just breathe... (c) Telepopmusik
Wikked Riddims: Erykah Badu - Live - Ye Yo.

| Watashi wa kyooshi desu! |

2006-07-07T20:44:00.000-04:00

Which pretty much means "I'm an English teacher."

As of June 26th, I, Kurisuteen Emeeria Bah-rensu, am going to Nihon aka JAPAN. Departure is set for November blah blah blah, y'all don't need to know those details.

I recently got hired by one of the 'Big Four' North American corporations who ~~hunt~~ scout ~~recent sucker graduates to enslave~~ neophytic, yet promising, talent to teach conversational English to a wide range of Japanese people. My particular school is in the Toyonaka district (it's a suburb! yaaaaay) nearby Japan's second largest megacity : Osaka.

My classes consist of about 50% Japanese businessmen/women, 15% kids (I loves the kids!), 20% highschool and college students and the rest homemakers and random people who wanna learn the language.

Apparently Japanese students learn a good 10 years of grammatical English, but they can't speak this stinkin language. That's like French for me. I can write a mean Francois essay, but speaking it is another issue. I used to be able to muster a lil fake french accent, but being quasi-fluent in Spanish has made EVERYTHING I speak into a 'rrrr' shrill. Even English words that don't have that shrill I put it on em lol. But yeah, so my company's aim is to get Japanese people speaking! And the best part, my classes have me speaking only 20-25% of the time, the rest is aaaaall by my students. Bwahahaha! Less work, less work! Yeah RIGHT. This company plans on burying me ALIVE, trust me. They eat gaijin (foreigners) for choushoku (breakfast).

The Japanese have a CRAZY work ethic, as in, they HAVE a work ethic. 'Work' and 'ethic' don't go together for North Americans. Speaking of which I HAVE to catch Clerks 2 when it comes out. Rosario might just make it interesting. Even though I hate her. *hatehatehatehate* @ D. lol.

Speaking of which, why have I decided to pick up myself and head to Japan when all this craziness with North Korea ah gwan? Like really? And you KNOW Japan is gonna be caught up in the middle of it, with that whole 'for the US or against it' nonsense. And D, WHY is Kim Jong-Il's birthday the same day as yours? Are all crazy people born that day? I see a trend. lol. j.k. *cough*not*cough*

Anyway, Nihon here I come. So in honor of my new soon-to-be home, I shall run down a few things about Japan I absolutely dig:

1. THE MEN.

Um, hello! Where did all these fiiiiine lookin dudes come from? Did y'all NOT see Japan's star FIFA player in TIME?! Um, wow.

Yeah, the one on the right, that's Hidetoshi Nakata. Heck, even the one on the LEFT too, I don't even know his name (c) Alicia. lol. Wait no, that's the baseball dude, something something Suzuki?!...well whatever.
But apparently Hidetoshi retired from soccer today. *sobs* I mean he should be snickering now since Brazil's out, and Portugal *sobs again*

But that means he'll have more time to travel around...saaaaay to OSAKA...and I could just run into him (literally) in a shrine or something...who knows....~~*starts e-stalking him*~~, you didn't see that. And I mean he's only 29, he needs a wife...mmmmhmm. I always said I'd marry rich.

Yowsa. I didn't expect 'gorgeous' to be apart of that package too.

1b. In continuum with number 1 = Takeshi Kaneshiro.

Fierce, fierce acting talent, with fierce fierce looks.

It's a bonus! Though he's 1/2 Chinese/Taiwanese his heart still belongs to Japan, I mean dude has an all out Japanese name.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure all of you have seen House of Flying Daggers (the pics above are stills from the movie), if not, you probably live in Alaska.

Oh snap, sorry Greg. lol.

Hahahahahaa, that makes it even funnier to me!

But yeah Takeshi is the man. His other well known movies 'Chungking Express' ('94) and 'Perhaps Love' ('05) are classics, do yourself a favour and check em out at your video store's foreign films section.

2. The Shibuya and Harajuku districts.

Cheap, dope, strange, original, funky, hypefresh and ever evolving are the only words that can describe these two areas close to Tokyo. I cannot WAIT to Shinkansen myself over there. I'd just want to people watch all day:

Shibuya

Harajuku

Despite Gwen Stefani's cluelessness, Harajuku aren't tiny lil dancer girls, it's a dang portion of the Tokyo prefecture. Sheesh.

3. Ikebana, Origami, and Fashion.

Ikebana is the complex art of flower arrangment, put loosely. Yeah some of you may scoff, but it's serious business. There's a precision that only the most skilled hands can muster up. I think I might take a class or two, some of the arrangments are breathtaking:

Origami, which I totally suck at. But I've been doing it since my private school days. I bet y'all didn't know I had somewhat skills like that? Ahem:

My most recent attempt, hahaha. It's supposed to be a crane. Shutup.

And lastly, fashion, I mean that's obvious. Their fashion sense is one of a kind. And to prove it, there's only one fashion god in my book, and his name is Yohji Yamamoto:

And for you Adidas fans, check out the Y-3 collection. Here's a sample:

And lastly Yohji:

Isn't he so cute and bite sized? lol.

*bows down* Itadakimasu and deeeep gassho.

4. Onsens and Shrines

Onsens are hot spring baths. There's a ton of em in Japan because of course, Japan is a mountainous country, which leads to underground volcanic action in MANY areas of the islands (apparently in Tokyo, they feel tremors EVERYDAY, um no thanks!). So yeah, they're public baths, which I know I'm not down for, so I'll dole out an extra few hundred yen for an hour by myself, domo arigatou gozaimasu.

Shrines are abound of course. Shrines in Japan are like churches in Jamaica: everywhere. Japan's national religion/faith/spirituality is Shinto (and Buddhism's a cool second). Shinto's something where the Japanese are believed to be of divine and holy origins and they owe the kamis (gods) for keeping them around since their fall from godship...hmmm, sounds familiar. lol.

And finally....

5. MY OWN DANG APARTMENT!!!!

I pay for nothing but utilities and food, how sweet is that? My own lil place where I can be as loud and obnoxious as I want...until 9pm that is, or the landlord is liable to either a) tell me to yoseyo! (means 'shut it' or 'quit it') b) ask me for a wairo (bribe) so I can keep on being loud until 10pm or c) kick my loud and obnoxious butt out.

This isn't my apartment, but apparently I should expect something similar:

And just add on a kitchen, a tv area, a balcony and a bathroom and that's that. lol.

But I could care less it could be a CLOSET! I just can't wait to have my own place. Hehehehee.

And that's the top 5. There's much much more but I'm sure I'll get to it, alongside some live pictures of it all when I'm actually in Japan.

Soooo, that's it. For all the inquiring minds who wanted to know, this is what's been going on with me since the end of May, shoooot even before that. And I'm not quite done yet. Moving to another country on the other side of the world for a year isn't easy. I have MASS AMOUNTS of things to do still!! But it's all worth it. This is definitely gonna be an experience of a lifetime. And yeah, I'll have a blog for it.

Maybe even...*gasp* a Myspace page...!?!

*vomit*

Oyasuminasai, kozakou.

And Baruch Hashem for my many MANY blessings.

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita.

Current e-Motions: chillin, but this entry took a lot of work! Time for food.
Wikked Riddims: MaryMary - Incredible - He Said

|The Myspace Survey I'll NEVER Have on Myspace|

2006-07-06T20:54:00.000-04:00

The Ultimate MySpace Survey
General Questions
What Is Your Full Name?: Christine Emelia Barnes
How Old Are You?: 23
When Is Your Birthday?: November 25th
Where Were You Born?: Torontooooooooooooo...actually North York, which is like a Toronto 'burb.
What Color are Your Eyes?: Dark Brown
What Color Is Your Hair?: Dark Brown with Burgundy ends, my hair and color grew out.
How Tall are You?: 5'6 and a HALF.
What Is Your Favorite Personal Physical Feature?: my toenails. no seriously, my toes are gorgeous.
How Many Siblings Do You Have?: 1 full sis, 1 half bro I consider my full bro, and another estranged sis that I don't consider family.
Music
What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Music?: Roooooock...ummm, sorta. I like EVERYTHING, but...
What Is Your Least Favorite Kind Of Music?: as I was saying above, everything but commercial music. Ick.
Who Is Your Favorite Artist/Band?: COLDPLAAAYYYYYY, but now contested by Broken Social Scene, Metric, Stars and The Most Serene Republic.
Do You Wish You Had Some Sort Of Music Talent?: I DO have musical talent, thank ya very much.
Do You Play An Instrument?: I AM the instrument.
Do You Like To Sing?: Not in public.
Do You Like To Sing In The Shower?: Yes, but when I know folks are home I try to sing quietly.
Movies
What Is Your Favorite Type Of Movie?: Indie
What Is Your Favorite Movie?: Currently? Me You and Everyone We Know
Who Is Your Favorite Actress/Actor?: hmmm...right now, Takeshi Kaneshiro is that stuff.
Do You Think Movie Stars Should Make Less Money?: Some of them do, the ones in INDIE films.
Sports
What Are Your Favorite Sports?: To play: Volleyball, Badminton (for real! lol) TO watch: Basketball, Hockey and a lil Soccer, oh yeah and the CFL!
Who Are Your Favorite Teams?: Too many to name.
Do You Enjoy Going To Live Sporting Events?: Hecks yeah.
Do You Play Any High School Sports?: I played volleyball for a while, badminton too, but quit both.
The Party Life
Have You Ever Gotten Drunk Before?: yes.
Do You Like To Attend Parties For Fun?: no, i hate people in large quantities.
Do You Do Drugs?: nah.
Have You Ever Tried Drugs?: well...there was this time in Jamaica...
Have You Ever Drank For Fun?: yup.
What Is The Best Thing About A Party?: leaving.
Do You Have Any Tattoos?: nope.
Do You Have Any Piercings?: will soon.
Do You Want More Tattoos/Piercings? Which ones?: I want an eyebrow ring, I've always been fascinated by em.
Religion
Do You Attend Church/Temple/Moske?: What's a 'moske'? lol. I go to a sorta kinda temple-church.
What Religion Are You?: I guess I'm Messianic on paper, but I DEFINITELY incorporate teachings from other faiths too.
How Committed Are You?: I'm committed to God, not 'religion'.
Are You Saved?: I'd like to think so. lol.
Do You Read The Bible/Torah/Koran Daily?: Daily? Nah...I should though.
How Often Do You Pray?: Every time I breathe. Literally.
Cars
Are You Into Fixing Up Cars/Trucks?: Nah, booooring.
What Kind Of Vehicle(S) Do You Have?: none.
What Is Your Dream Machine?: Oh I love VW's. And ummm Audi's.
Video Games
Do You Play Video Games?: Yuppers.
How Many Hours A Day Do You Play Video Games?: Not everyday anymore.
Have You Ever Played A Video Game So Long You Forget To Eat?: HECK YEAH, TEKKEN 5 CHAMPIONSHIPS BABY!!! That takes all day.
What Is Your Favorite Game?: Tekken (all), Soul Caliber (all), Mario Kart (all), Prince of Persia (all)
What Is Your Favorite Game Type?: Ummm...something where I can beat people up.
What Game Are You Most Excited For In The Future?: TEKKEN SIX SON!
Xbox 360 Or PS3?: PS3...I'm loyal to Playstation.
Shopping
Do You Like Shopping?: YES YES and MORE YES.
What Is Your Least Favorite Kind Of Shopping?: Domestic shopping, like for Glade plugins or hand towels or something.
How Many Times A Month Do You Go Clothes Shopping?: I STAY clothes shopping.
What Are Your Favorite Things To Shop For?: Clothes and food.
How Many Pairs Of Sunglasses Have You Bought?: Maybe like 6 in my lifetime. Sunglasses are for divas. lol.
How Many Sandals Do You Own?: A whole lot.
Friends
Happiest: Talia
Hottest: I'm sure if I had a hot friend, we'd be dating. lol.
Smartest: Adam and Beth.
Dumbest: Don't hang with the slow folk, save for Greg.
Religious: Rich aka Ricooooo, he's so holified. Too much, imho.
Athletic: Manfred and Greg
Nerdiest: Jason!
Nicest: All of em.
Meanest: All of em.
Concieded: it's conceited, dummy. And uhhhh...probably Carlos.
Craziest: As in for real crazy? = Krish
Funniest: Migs and Matthew
Food
What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Food?: Chewable.
Starbucks or Jamba?: The 'bucks.
What Is Your Favorite Meal?: Salmon, wild rice with mushroom soup mixed into the rice, and a baked potato with sour cream and chives, mmmmm.
Do You Like Fish?: YES.
Are You A Healthy Eater?: For the last year and a few months, heck yes.
Cookie Dough Or Oreo Ice Cream?: Cookie dough has less fat, believe it or not.
Do You Call it Soda Or Pop?: Pop, SON. Soda is for Americans. lol.
What is Your Favorite Soda?: My favourite POP is...Sprite. You just can't go wrong with it.
What is Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink?: DISARONNO AMARETTO. In just about anything.
What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Desert?: Used to be: Choclate swirl cheescake with cookie crumbs.
Relationships
What Does Your Dream Relationship Consist Of?: *sigh* Openness, freedom, spiritual connection, passion, common goals and dreams.
What Is The Most Important Thing In A Relationship?: Trust. And it takes A LOT for me to COMPLETELY trust a guy.
What Is Your Dream Date?: You mean when? Whenever Jeff decides to call me...
Do You Believe in Abstenence Until Marriage?: Ehhh, it's IDEAL aint it? lol.
Does Your Mate Need To Be Taller Than You?: YES please Lord YES.
How Long Would You Wait To Kiss After Meeting Someone?: I'd kiss em the same day! lol.
How Soon Do You Want To Get Married?: I'm not sure, my feelings fluctuate.
How Many Children Do You Want To Have?: Depends how rich I am, if I'm REALLY rich, then just 1. But if I'm so-so rich then 2 or MAX 3.
How Long Would You Walk To Find Your True Love?: Forever.
Do You Believe in True Love?: Sometimes.
Have You Ever Been in Love?: Too many times.
Last General Information
What You Like to Do for Fun?: I DONT KNOW ANYMORE! Do surveys. lol.
What Size Shoes Do You Wear?: hahahahaaa...
Do You Like Animals?: I love animals.
Are You A Good Student?: I used to be.
What's Your Dream Job?: THE ONE I'LL HAVE IN DECEMBER SON!
What Do You Do For a Living?: Stinking Sales Associate and newly hired ENGRISH TEACHER.
Do You Like Your Job?: I hate the present one, can't WAIT for the new one.
If You Had One Wish, What Would That Wish Be?: To NOT work at my present job.
Do You Love Your Family?: Of course.
What Do You Think is the Most Important Thing in Life?: Truth.
What Do You Think About When You're Alone?: The state of the world and my future in it.
What Do You Dream About?: Fanciful, fanatical and insane things that cannot be described.
What Do You Fear the Most?: Failure.
What is Your Most Missed Memory?: The entire year 2000.
Are You the Trustworthy Type?: I can be if I want.
Do You Like Poetry? If So, Who's Your Favorite Poet?: I sometimes do poetry. My favourite poet: Aime Cesaire.
What is the Best Way in Which You Express Yourself?: Writing, duh.
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d

Shalom, chaverim and Matashita Gozaimasu.

Current e-Motions: umm, kinda tired but so so happy for a day off.
Wikked Riddims: Tony Rebel - If Jah *wheeeeel it back!*

| Know Your Role. |

2006-07-05T01:43:00.000-04:00

I can write verse out the dome
before it hits the lips and
spews out the mouth
in hymns...
I can blast society in
pen strokes and keynotes
and edit for black conscious folk/
sites that write about
the disapora in diversity...
I can
speak quintuplets in language
and bandage your wounds
by cussing you out in one
dialect
and saving your ego in the next
without breaking a sweat --
and that's cuz I'm
the
intellectual.
Always there for
stimulating conversation
but never igniting
admiration of
some physical appreciation
because
'she's too deep to even
notice that'...
I say think again.
Girls that drown in books
often drown in tears
when their beds are empty
and their friends
and leave them for
the swaggering hips
and flowing hair
that seems to
swing in the air.
Air heads who do their duty
enticing savory eyes
sucking sore for candy and
diabetics in
vision needing
an insulin fix
of pretty,
pretty
dumb in the end
really.

But
I'm
the intellectual.
And
i'm too deep for that.
Better if I write
a poem than
express these thoughts over the phone,
(hmm....)

Just thought I'd lay it out
on the line...
minus the dialtone.

(c) Revolt 2k6

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: *shrugs*
Wikked Riddims: Amel Larrieux - Morning - "Unanswered Questions" ...ha, they're definitely answered now.

| Top 5 Update. |

2006-06-21T23:13:00.000-04:00

1) HEAT. No not the weather, and no not animals ready to copulate.
HEAT as in THE MIAMI HEAT, suckaaaaaas! Or, just Jason I suppose.

Bwahahahaha!

Flash is The Man(TM). Zo and GP (and hopefully Antoine Walker, I cant STAND him) can finally retire and not have to face a ringless post-NBA life. Good hustle, Pat "reptilian" Riley.

2) Graduated, June 12, 2006. I guess I can put B.A. after my name. But who does that, really? B"H for it all, it's definitely a gift from God. I swear God rigged my grades this year, seriously.

3) Went back to work. Ehhhh, what can I say. Still hate the place, BUT, I do hold a position of increasing power as each day goes on. That always helps.

4) June 26th, 2006. Y'all will flip your lids. I did TODAY. It's all too complicated and too amazing to talk about right now, but get ready.

5) Something that's unmentionable. Yet I had to mention just how unmentionable it is. lol. Fills my heart to the BRIM though, absolutely overflowing. *swoon*

*6) FIFA?! I'm such a bandwagoner. Brasilia all the way, punks.

*7) I missed you all. Once I catch up with my 'everyday' friends, then I will return with full force to the e-world. With a new layout, nonetheless :)

Blessings abundant y'all.

Chuushite kudasai! hehehehe.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasuminasai.

Hebrew and Japanese Words of the Day:

Kavod

(ka-VOHD) n. Glory; honor; wealth. The shoresh (root) with its derivatives occurs 376 times in the Tanakh.

Current e-Motions: *swoooooooooon* Life is beautiful.
Wikked Riddims: anything Maxwell. I've been obsessed with him the last few days. His new cd is coming out soon, ahhhhhh! And Amel Larrieux's album is CRAZY. Y'all HAVE to pick it up.

| Bored Without Stress |

2006-05-22T19:33:00.000-04:00

Let's be real: I'm usually frantic about something. My exterior forever in tact (cuz I can pull of *looking* calm REAL easily), underneath I tend to stress about a lot of things. The last 10 years of my life have been built and demolished by stress.

So now...to be at a point where my health is back in order. I'm finito with school. I'm on my way to Japan in a matter of months. Not having to be at work until next month....maaaaan...

I'M BORED OUTTA MY MIND!

Yeah I know I'm recovering, I'm supposed to take it easy and such, but I need to DO something. I did half a workout today just because I've had enough. Ok it wasn't half, just like the warmup and then 3 minutes of cardio, shutup. But nonetheless, I just can't take having nothing to do. And even moreso, nothing to be worried about.

I'm a worrier, tried and true. Doesn't mean I don't have faith, I just tend to be concerned about eeeeverything all at once. And then I'm a sensationalist, and make it seem like it's more of a problem than it is. Theeeen, if it really looks bad, I'm a fatalist. Believing all that I am and will become is doomed.

But that cycle of madness is over, B"H. NOW what am I gonna do? I don't know how to live having nothing to worry about. I know that sounds creepy but it's true. I'm having the worst insomnia of my life. Save for this morning (from about 7am-12pm), the last time I slept was Friday night. And it wasn't that type of groggy insomnia either, I was wide awake and fully alert. I'm used to sleeping, eating, thinking and being totally encumbered by some sort of stressful situation. And what's wild is, the more stressed I am, the MORE I wanna sleep. lol.

Anyway, I'm just letting my days pass away. I need to be WRITING. Doing ART. I'm procrastinating on procrastinating...it's that bad. But mostly I have to try and get a normal sleeping pattern back. And eating pattern, my appetite is all over the place.

*sigh*

I need to find me a man.

hahahaaa...such thoughts make me laugh. Toronto, the city of little boys who ride bikes. With rims! *rolls eyes*

I heard that in Japan they dig the sistahs. Ooooo. Wikked. Maybe I can come back yelling watasiwatomodatiniaimasita!

Now that'd be sugee-sugee.

Upendo.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Japanese Word of the Day:

Watashi wa onaka ga suite imasu.

I'm hungry. Or lit. trans. "My stomach is in the state of being empty."

Current e-Motions: mmm, saaalmooonnn...with wild rice! Yummmm.
Wikked Riddims: The Most Serene Republic - Underwater Cinematographer - "Content Always Was My Favourite Colour"

| Why I'm Not Gonna NOT Do It |

2006-05-18T22:22:00.000-04:00

Jason has been sending mass emails for a while now trying to convince all that he knows and loves to 'othercott' The DaVinci Code.

I respect the hustle J. But...

I haven't responded to any of those emails. And you wanna know why?

Cuz I am NOT threatened by this movie at all.

I believe people who profess the faith(TM) should go see it. You know why?
Ok wait. Before I get to my reasoning, lemme give some background cushioning.

I despise the Catholic church and the institution of the Vatican, point blank. I don't think I've ever made that secret. I hold it in absolutely NO authority over the faith, over Yesh, over anything that has to do with those who follow him. Because of the Catholic church, religions worldwide have been born and have been misguided and mislead and continue to be in mass confusion over all that is God.

MIND YOU...I don't have a problem with Catholic people, I have a lot of friends who are Catholic and/or were raised Catholic and aren't Catholic anymore (surprise, surprise) and those who happen to unfortunately fall under the heading who GENUINELY are down for Yeshua, cuz there's tons of them. I mean I was singing along with a bunch of them on the subway when they were here in Tdot for World Youth Day 2002. Those people were on FIRE, lemme tell you. And I love them, and other Catholics dearly.

I had a love-hate relationship for Pope JPDeux (more on the love side)...I think he was just caught up in the the whole Pope-ism mix and couldn't really get out of it.

HOWEVER...the institution of Catholicism and the havoc it has reaked on the world is undeniable. (I'm not even gonna go into world history, cuz then I'd REALLY get heated.) The religiosity of its precepts and practices have surely screwed over the 'Christian' world. And I use the term 'Christian' loosely because I don't like it much. But that's a discussion for another day.

Anyway, the Catholic church has this overwhelming arrogance that this movie is completely contradictory to the 'Church' and the attitude presented is that the 'Church' can do no wrong. THAT IS ABSOLUTELY FALSE. The 'Church' has done and still continues to do MUCH wrong to this world and to those who claim Christianity. The foundation of Catholicism contains a resevoir of lies, and they're shaking in their boots now because a movie (and book) dares to oppose their authority.

I say go ahead and do it. Test em! Let them sweat a little.

DONT GET IT TWISTED though. I'm not in support of the book proclaiming itself to be TRUE either. I think the author has issues. To me, it's fiction and that's what its intention should be. EVERYONE has a right to write about what they want. That's the world we live in, and that's a God given right = it's called free will. Anyway, the movie, from what I've heard and read from Ron Howard, IS NOT PROCLAIMING itself to be truth. And even if it WAS, who the heck CARES? People can believe what they want to believe, even if it conflicts with YOUR belief system. Deal with it.

I honestly think people need to face up with what conflicts with their beliefs. You see it as lies? You see it as a disgrace? You see it as something that insults everything you believe in and stand up for? Then use THAT as your counter arsenal. You think HaSatan is sitting around saying 'oh boo hoo the Christians and their bibles! How do i ever get them to stop telling lies about me!" THE DUDE HAS MEMORIZED MORE SCRIPTURE THAN YOU ALL AND I BOTH. He uses his oppositions truth as his ammunition. So what can we do with this movie? We can go see it, learn what they've learned, get equipped with the knowledge of it and then ATTACK those suckers afterward with what we deem as utterly false.

I think that's a dope battle plan. But maybe that's just me.

I just think we're drawing way too much attention to this movie, and it doesn't HAVE to be controversial.

It's like this other film that's out which I'm going to go see called Marock. There's this whooole controversy between Muslims and Jews now because the movie DARES to defy both religions rites and customs and it's all heretic and blahblahblahzayblahbleh.

LET GO OF YOUR RELIGIONS PEOPLE! Religion does not come before TRUTH. And religion is sure to set off fires people don't know how to put out. But I'm deviating from my original argument, which is again:

Learn the enemy's tactics. All people in battle know this is a sure fire way, not only to win a war, but to keep your opposition from even TRYING to test you again.

I'm sorry for all the war rhetoric. As a pacifist, it's kinda crazy that I'm using all this terminology. But then again, I watched The Chronicles of Narnia FINALLY last night. And I'm in a spiritual warmonger mood. lol.

Anyway, I think I've made my point. And if I haven't, let me know where I've slipped up or where it doesn't make sense. I'll be happy to clarify.

Now I'm not much of a mainstream movie goer so I won't be seeing it tomorrow. Probably in the next few weeks or something, cuz I have a ton of indie flicks to check out at the moment. But that's it. I mean all power to you all, who decide to 'othercott' or boycott or whatever else, but I just don't think that's the answer or by doing that, will it facilitate necessary discussions between people about faith, religion or spirituality. We need challenges. We need conflicts. But mostly, we need open minds. Because minds willing to open, are willingly open to change. And movies/books/things/ideas/thoughts/conventions that rattle us, shouldn't be things we're scared of or run from.

But things we face head on.

I'm just hardcore like that.

Maybe some of you are too.

Upendo.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Leshem Shamayim

(le-shem sha-MAI-yeem) phr. “For the sake of heaven!” For the Name of God; in honor of God. Machloket leshem shamayim is an argument/strife (machloket) for the purpose of reaching truth.

Current e-Motions: I think I missed CSI!!! *sobs*
Wikked Riddims: Leslie Feist - Monarch - "La Sirena"...I *swoon* this song...

| G.A.N.G.S.T.E.R. |

2006-05-13T23:57:00.000-04:00

Ha!

Almost back.

Stay tuned.

| can't sleep, won't sleep. |

2006-05-08T03:53:00.000-04:00

So I'm still awake. Like WIDE awake like I had an overdose of Redbull. But I don't drink that mess (anymore), thanks to a certain Tillman-Young.

Yup, AWAKE. Doing laundry at the moment. Oh and I even braided my hair, like braids-braids, extension-braids. They look pretty good for a first timer. I'm such a do-it-ya-self-sucka type of person. I'd make everything I own, if I could. Actually, about 60% of what I own, the majority of it, I can make. I have the skills to make, rather. God is so good.

Awake. I'm an insomniac, but add a few pre-surgery jitters and my lack of mom-age and I'm really a wreck. I want my mommy to be heeeereee! Waaaaaaa!
I'm a sucker.

I have like this makeshift will and testament in my written diary in case I don't make it. lol. Adam will inherit everything I have online, which is a lot! You better appreciate it too punk. Or else I *will* haunt you.

I'll be fine though. My mom had this lady from her workplace pray with me over the phone earlier. She's fiery, man! It's amazing to talk to people who have waaaay more faith than you do. It's something you aspire to be/become.

It's t-minus 4 hours.

Lord.

I guess this would be a good time to confess and repent of all of my treacherous faults. I think I should get to it. Not on here though, y'all are too nosy.

You know what I realized though? When facing a situation that has your life at stake, you really begin to understand how useless religion is. Now say I crash and burn during the surgery...will the Mishnah do *anything* for me at that point? Um NO. Will a book of siddur be worth much? Nope. Having a bible at the bedside? Heck nah.

All intangible things become priceless at that point. Such as faith, such as love, such as belief, such as knowing God IS. And that's it. That's all it comes down to in the end, so why are we ALL so divided, hmmmm? Let's truly ponder this deep within our spirits. Maybe someone can come up with an answer.

I swear I think about religion, spirituality and philosophy almost ALL of the time. I'm sure I'll be dreaming about it while they drug me to sleep. And THAT's the part that's making me queasy. I'm so resistent to drugs. What if I don't even GET knocked out? What if I'm wide awake during the whole dang thing? What if it's the complete opposite and that stuff knocks me so far out it takes me forever to wake up?

Ok, there's my fears. Bite me.

My mind is flooded.

And my laundry needs my attention.

So I'll go. Sleep later. Something like that.

Pray I come back in good spirits, heck even bad spirits. Any spirits! Just as long as I'm alive!!!

K, that's it.

Upendo, everyone.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: !&)(*!!^!!_!_!!(!***!^^!_???"":
Wikked Riddims: (fill in with random church hymn)

| Ok, this is an issue... |

2006-05-02T00:37:00.000-04:00

My niece even has a boyfriend...?

It's so serious! lol.

Ahem, exhibit a):

She's givin him some of that chokehold love. He must've said something fresh...like asked for her last Skittle or something.

exhibit b):

They obviously wanted some alone time, sheesh.

And finally, the evidence proves:

A couple made in...preschool. They're too cute. You should listen to their game show theme song. Everytime my niece sings it and her lil-man does the back up beat I'm convulsing on the floor with laughter. They're too much.

This is by Bluffers Park aka The Bluffs (for the Tdot heads who know, holler!), btw. It's a beautiful place. A place where I've written many in-the-dome-poems, that have never made it onto paper. I mean this would inspire anyone:

Right?

Then again...so would this:

I feel a poem brewing already.

The pollution in Lake Ontario is a huge problem that Toronto has been ignoring since the foundation of the megacity. It's disgusting: dead fish, bad smell, floating Tim Horton's cups. edit: Jason has attested to this. Thus, no swimming allowed suckas.

Anyway, the Bluffs are a pretty *sight* to behold en masse. When you're there you really *do* want to swim, so it's just a big goop of lake water teasing. But if you do end up in Toronto on a whim, do check it out. It's in The Boroooouughhhh *licks shots* (I spent the first 5 years of my life there, shutup).

Anyway, onto my ~~stalkee~~ ~~lover~~ 'inspiration', Jeff Johnson.

*swoooooooooon*

*starry eyed*

.....

..................

oh yeah, as I was...

He has yet another show on Black Exploitation Television, and once again, it is the only show worth tuning in for. I honestly, just ran into it on Sunday night while flipping channels. I didn't know BET was making another attempt at News. I thought News was dead on that network, but alas, Monsieur Johnson has resurrected it. And man, about time somebody did!

The Chop Up, is actually a decent show. They did a extenda-segment on Biggie's mysterious and still unsolved murder, which was well done. I forget the producer's name, they had him on the show too. Then they have this other dude named Samson who takes his consciousness of world events onto the street. He basically asks random people what their views are regarding world events. And of course, everyone is in their own stupefied state of mind to know that Israel is burning down, or that the US and Canada are becoming logging buddies on the daily (not mention the Canadian dollar is becoming its own lil Fort Knox, ahem).

Yeah...this Samson dude is GULLY, lemme tell you. But you can tell he's aware of the world around him. And not only do I like that, I respect it. Good luck deciphering his fluency in Brooklynese though, it can catch you off guard.

Anyway, at times, the show comes off a bit corny. You can tell they're trying to reach teenagers, so it's a little 'put on' for the sake of the Y-generation. Anyway, for its saturation of corniness, there's only one person to blame...

~~THIS HEFFA~~ This chick. Who is a self-acclaimed 'uppity negro'. Firstly, that's an ignorant as all hell label to name yourself. Define 'uppity' and then define 'negro', then get back to me. (read: Read some Franz Fanon and Wole Soyinka to enlighten your obviously clueless behind, wench). Anyway, she just seems a lil too contrived. Like tailor made for the show almost. A cut out template a la Hype Williams videos. Like gimme a break, her name just happens to be 'Jina Johnson'...? And NO they're NOT married. I obviously would know if they were. *evil stalker laugh*

Yeah, she just seems 'ugh' to me. Mehfehblah(TM), even. And I have a feeling any girl they paired up to co-host with Jeff, would pretty much get the same roasting. But this chica decided to announce her idiocy, therefore she gets it even worse.

So yeah...I move on...

...to bed. No first I gotta make necklaces, and then read ADAMU-SAN's ARTICLE...and then bedtime. Today I had 4 customers come up to me and comment on my necklace. I had 2 do the same yesterday. It's been going on for a while now that I think about it. hahahaha, it's time to get the business up and running! They couldn't believe I made them which only means = quality stuff. I'm so proud of myself *pats Cee on the back*.

K, that is all. I'm offline like network downtime.

Upendo.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: feelin gooood...chillin...tired...hyped...a bit of everything!
Wikked Riddims: Metric - Old World Underground, Where Are You Now? - "Dead Disco"

| P-O-S-T |

2006-04-30T00:41:00.000-04:00

Yoooooo...what up good people? Your favourite person is back (almost).

Exams are over. Which means hell is officially a skating rink.

*breathes* *doesn't exhale* I still have to wait for my GRADES to come in though. Which has me sitting on my hands! But I'm not as anxious as I thought I'd be. But I keep thinking I have homework to do ! Like right now I was thinking 'ok after I do this post I'm gonna go to sleep, wake up tomorrow go to work and then come home and do homew---waaaait a minute!'...hahaha, I'll get over it. Not like I was the greatest student on the planet anyway. (I used to be in highschool, I often wonder where that girl wandered off to...)

What can I say about (almost) finally leaving university?

GOOD FREAKIN RIDDANCE! The worst 5 years of my life. Exactly, FIVE years! Wasted 2 as a Bio major, and then spent the last three killing myself trying to catch up and complete this stinking English Lit. BA.

It better be worth it.

And I will NOT work as a 'waitress'...I've never worked in the food industry, son son. And I'm not starting now with a degree in my pocket. No diss to anyone that has, but umm not me. I already have enough troubles being a Sup. in a clothing store, imagine me working at a restaurant? No thanks.

Ummmm...I've been going through some emotional turmoil as of late. Just when school has been dropped as the primary focal point in my life, it seems all my little (read:major) problems decided to surface their evil heads again. But you know, extended prayer and positive thinking will get you far. And settling your spirit inside, also helps. So that's what I did. And I'm alleviated...somewhat. I'm still human, but I'll be ok.

I realize I have to focus on becoming the woman I want to be. The one I've been putting off because "I have class" or "I have a 20 page essay due". All of those excuses are out tha do' now. No more escaping the inevitable.

So I've decided on putting my energies towards my soon-to-be business(es) and all the things I should've published years ago, in addition to getting my health together once and for all. I'm having surgery on May 8th. Pleeeeease keep me in your thoughts/prayers/meditations, etc. Gracias.

Oh my gosh. I'm an idiot! I think I completely insulted my 'god' friend, Krish. It was his fault though! This fool decided to make a reggae track. Mind you, he spent a few years living in Tdot, and the Jamaican influences are strong here. But ummm...with that American accent? From Detroit! Bwahahahaa - he wasn't fooling anyone. So I told him the track isn't bad, but his accent is crap. Was that wrong? Krish and I have (had) that kind of friendship where brutal honesty is at the forefront. But he hasn't emailed me back since I made my crude little comments. Dang...he's gotten sensitive over the years. He's still fine though. lol.

And that's been one of the emotional problems I've been having recently. Checking out dudes I have noooo business checking out! Or catching feelings for guys I reeeeally don't need to be catching feelings for! Yuri's in Israel, so I think the prospect of that has faded. I don't even know when he's coming back. So I need to get it together. I don't wanna be a desperate wench. I'm so above that.

I think that's all I have for now. I could get into my problem some more, but then certain people would---oh nevermind. Cuz if I say that it'll be even more obvious. Ah, dangit. Forget it! (I HATE you, you know who you are. lol.)

Adamu-san, email me por favor. There's something I need your input on. Pleeze h'an tank yuh.

Ok y'all, upendo.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Hebrew and Japanese Words of the Day:

Keter

(KE-ter) n. Crown.

Meepuru: Tsukaremashita. Nemui desu.
Nakata: Moo ichi-ji desu ne. Yasumimashoo.
Meepuru: Ashita nan-ji ni okimasu ka.
Nakata: Roku-ji ni okimasu. Ii desu kA
Meepuru: Ee, daijoobu desu. Oyasumi nasai.

Maple: I'm tired. I'm sleepy.
Nakata: It's already one o'clock. Let's go to bed.
Maple: What time do you plan to get up tomorrow?
Nakata: I'll get up at six. Is that all right with you?
Maple : Yes, that will be fine. Good night.

("Yasumimasu" normally means "rest", but it is also a polite way to say "sleep".)

Current e-Motions: meeeehfeeeehblaaahhh...yes it's still relevant. lol.
Wikked Riddims: Lupe Fiasco - Kick Push (instrumental)...the beat...I mean...the BEAT...*grabs head* Bump the lyrics. lol.

| Whoooooo! |

2006-04-14T03:13:00.000-04:00

The countdown is ooooooooooooon!!!

I just finished an essay I promptly emailed to my prof about 5 minutes ago. Why did I email it and not hand it in in person? Cuz I ended up in emergency last week Wednesday. I forgot to mention that to a lot of people lol. I'm just USED to being in a hospital at this point. Anyway I'm fine. Recovered well, and suprisingly enough got a lot of time to make up for the essay I never got to hand in last week and to study for a test I missed last week too. Whooooo!

So two more exams and hell is officially frozen over. I can't wait.

Um um um right now I'm just hyper. Cuz I banged out 7 pages single spaced in like 3 hours. Crazy. I'm breaking my own records for speed essay writing.

Oh yeah and before I forget: *waves to Joel* *waves to Cliff* *waves to Tre* *waves to Jen* *waves to Jason* And I'm not waving a HAND at you, Jason. lol, I kid, I kid. You know I loves ya. I love you aaaaaaaaaaall. I'll be back to all your blogs soon, I promise. IY"H.

Gabiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, we're done soon sis! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I'm so gonna call you on your grad day, hee hee :)

Ok that's it. I'm rocking out to Sam Roberts like I'm at Coachella.

He kinda looks like edit: a MODERNIZED-North American Jesus don't he? Wikkedest music. And check out the gangster stance w/ the backdrop:

Rep where you're from son!

Btw, I'm not wishing NONE of y'all a Happy Eostre/Ishtar. Back up with all that. I have some arguable views on this weekend, but that's not new. Just remember that Yesh (I call him Yesh, cuz He's mah homie) did die and resurrect during PASSOVER WEEKEND. Thanks. And when was that? DEFINITELY NOT THIS WEEKEND. According to what? The Hebrew lunar-solar calendar that's like the world's most accurate calendar ever? Yup.

Put em up (Jason), I'm ready.

edit: Okay, Jennie has made a very good point about the dates that I so hot-mindedly argued about for no reason. I realize that I've been dazed and confused as usual. Exams have had me completely lost. I've been so removed from the course of this month with both the Rabbincal Hebrew calendar AND the Karaite Hebrew calendar (I see you Joel! :)...but funny enough, ALL calendar's (including Gregorian) are more or less in sync this year. Which is scary. Yet intriguing. Why is that? Did the Vatican actually do some real research this year? And it's strange for the Karaite Jews to do ANYTHING at the same time with Rabbincal Jews. lol. But that's cool. However, I do have a question: Are Aviv and Nisan the same month? Or is Aviv now an 'extinct' month, as some Rabbincal Jews have dubbed it? I'm confused. Someone help an ishah out. Gracias in advance.

Ok that's it. Did I say that already? That's the Adam Complex(TM). Sorry.

Upendo! (hey, did y'all know upendo in Japanese means the same as upendo in an African language as well? And who says we're all not connected!)

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: feelin irie, wikked and cris *licks shots*
Wikked Riddims: Sam Roberts - Chemical City - The Gate (awesomest lyrics!)

PS. Y'all dig the new layout colors? And the border? I did something WILD before which J-uno promptly clowned. Which I appreciate. It was very LSD-ish. lol. Thanks Jen for your comment on my banner, I like it too! :)

| waves |

2006-03-30T00:18:00.000-05:00

I'm in a time warp. A meltdown. An I-gotta-freakin-finish-school-or-else mentality that has kept me away from you lovely people and your lovely comments. Sans Jason. :)

I can't BELIEVE Adam has updated before me! The apocalypse is near.

Hi to Gabi with an i's friend, CJC...right? Thanks for visiting my blog :) I promise you it's not usually a desert in here, but I've gone Sahara as of late. School is my number one priority. I even DREAM about assignments, essays, exams, etc. That's scary...but I'm used to it. I'll answer your questions as soon as I get a decent amount of time. Sorry for the delay in the meantime.

That's all I have for now, folks. I'm a senior-year askari. I don't have anything else going on BUT school. Yes, even Yuri [The Russian(TM)] is included under the listing of 'school', he's even more intense than I am. *swoons* ahhh, the Russians, gotta love em. We argued about Russia beating Canada in the Olympics, in hockey, of course. That was fun. I missed out on our study-date last week because I got sick, but I'll see him on Friday.

That's about it. Sorry y'all. I'm as boring as a bulletin board. Speaking of which, I gotta update some due dates on my whiteboard.

See y'all in April. Im Yirtze Hashem (God willin').

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Wikked Riddims: Everything Coldplay. That's how I keep my sanity. Though K'Naan has been in my ears a lot lately.

Wouldn't he be perfect for me? Boho, epitomized.
Anyway, he's going on tour in Europe I hear, y'all int'l peoples should check him - I'm CONVINCED he's the Somali-Canadian equivalent to Common. (Yes, that excludes K-os.)

| Hahahahaa... |

2006-03-17T22:32:00.000-05:00

I met a Russian!

And he's Jewish!

He's so dope. *swoon*

He an I analyzed the objective correlatives in Shir-HaShirim (Songs of Solomon) today in class (it's a Medieval Drama English Lit course that treads along the lines of Biblical analyzation/parallels here and there, pretty fun, same class I spoke about last post) and, he completely broke down the assonance and caesura I missed from reading it before.

Wow.

He's so...hmmm...I dunno. He's artistic. Like that very raw and irregular type of artist. Very earthy and organic. Not quite boho, cuz, duh, he's Russian. I ended up flipping through his notebook today and saw all these sketches. He's amazingly talented. He has a sharp edge to the images he thinks up and draws. He's not even a English major! He's a film major! lol, that made me laugh for two reasons. And those two people know why.

Heh heh...he's gonna help me with my essay. And y'all KNOW I don't need any help with essays. Bwahahaha.

He and I never really talked before today when we were forced into a mutual discussion group. And the whole time he and I just couldn't stop talking. He's intelligent. But not pretentious and irritating like most intelligent people. He's rare and fascinating. Like you could talk about Jay-Z and Dostoevsky in the same sentence with him. lol. But he's really in touch with the world around him...hmmm...he's almost...mysterious...sorta...

This should be interesting.

More later! Oh yeah, and Happy St. Pat's day. Thanks to VeggieTales, I know aaaaaall about him.

Shabbat Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Kiddush

(keed-DOOSH) n. A prayer recited, usually over wine, on the evenings and mornings of Sabbaths and holidays. “Sanctification,” and specifically the blessing over wine recited on Shabbat and holidays. Kiddush is the ritual performed on the Sabbath and festival days, consisting of a liturgical text recited over a full cup of wine which is then drunk.

Current e-Motions: I feel like that day back in gr. 11 when I read Journey to Ixtlan for the first time.
Wikked Riddims: (earlier) City and Colour - Sometimes - "Save Your Scissors" (now) Steve McConnell - We Delight - "Ki T'hilati Attah"

| I let lil things break me - Christine who? |

2006-03-10T23:38:00.000-05:00

I do and it really sucks.

You know, I shouldn't let certain things or people bother me, but I do. Cuz I care. And I hate when I lose something I care about. Or just a particular portion of it. Like...my heart breaks a lil. A lot. Cuz no matter how much you wish, you'll never get that portion back. And that was the portion you really took the time to treasure. And invest your time and effort, and heck even money into, indirectly.

Things change. People change. Shoot, I change all the time. Yet I manage to still be Christine. Don't I?

I already hate this post.

Y'all are an insane bunch of talmidim. lol. Thanks for the responses last post. I got MAD at Jason, but quickly realized that there was no real reason for me to be upset. None of you *really* participated in my heresy and that's fine, I guess you missed the gist of where I was going and what I was trying to do. Have any of y'all seen 'The Body'? If not, that explains why no one really got my point. You would've had to have seen that movie.

Anyway, Jen gets the Academy Award for calmest and soundest argument ever. Thank you, again.

And Adam gets the Jimmy Swaggart Award for mentioning me being condemned to hell. I liked that one lol. And the ref. to Gabi on top of it! Two awards for you.

*sigh*

I was feelin pretty irie tonight before I talked to certain people. And then the cryptic, emo, downtrodden Christine emerged. I don't wanna do that tonight maaaan! I don't wanna be her right now. I have too much to be thankful for. And I'm just too freakin blessed for that. I really am.

And I'm talented. And cute. And fun to be around. And silly. And wonderfully clever. And a liar. Cuz I type out this kinda stuff in order to make myself believe it lol.

I'm going to a fashion show in two weeks. I don't even know what to weeeear! Toronto Fashion Week is next week too. I could've gotten passes! I didn't know they were opening it up to the public this time. Those heifers! Could've let a wanna-be designer know, sheesh.

And that wonderfully reformed Christine I mentioned last post...? Bump it. I ain't revealin her to none of y'all. Too much drama. I can already see it. I already lack friends, I don't need to lose anymore.

That's pretty shallow ain't it? Yup, guess so.

Ugh, I'm gonna go make bracelets. Read Lamentations. Ponder the purpose of life, etc.

What a disappointing evening.

PS. PS. I WILL say this. Today I was able to moderate a discussion of The Brome play Isaac and Abraham with a Catholic, a Jew, an agnostic, a Buddhist and and a Muslim. Why was I able to do this AND dominate the class as well? Cuz I've read and applied all the texts relevant to their faiths (or lack of), that's why. It's good to know the contents outside of your box. Tis all.

Shabbat Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: meeeeeeeh. and a side of 'feh' sprinked with 'blah'.
Wikked Riddims: (earlier today) Yellowcard (yup, them again! lol) - Lights and Sounds - "Waiting Game"...something about a 25-piece orchestra infused with rock that sounds out of this world. *swoon* (right now) John Reuben - Hindsight - "Hindsight"...it's a beautiful thing.

| Where are y'all? - Usual Rambling |

2006-03-08T01:41:00.000-05:00

Ummm...have I become that obscure that y'all have abandoned me? *sniff* I mean can a sista take some tiiiime out to go through a VERY complicated part of her life? *choked up* Why hath thou forsaken meeeeeeeee *sobs*

[/melodrama]

I don't blame y'all really, I'd abandon this blog too. Shoot, I dance with the idea *daily*. I have a thing for reviving myself. ~~Like a phoenix coming out of the ash~~. Wow, that was a corny metaphor. Scratch that. But yeah, I like starting anew. It feels good and fresh and...innocent, I guess. Hmmm...

Anyway yeah. Life's been tough, but I'm tougher. Even though I'm a big whiny baby on the side, babies can still kick bootay when they're ready. Like the Rugrats. Apparently, according to some silly quiz I did, I'm like Tommy. A leader. Fearless. Toothless. Bad-a!!.

Recognize.

Adam's birthday came and went and that sucka didn't even check his email. I'm hurt. But I'm not surprised. He's becoming more dark and brooding about his birthday's. What's THAT about Adam, huh?!?!! Suck it up. 23 is fun....

......

hahaha, I almost believed it!

You're still loved.

He was in Knoxville buying a 'concession trailer'. And NO I didn't look it up on google! I like what I've created in my imagination = a giant white RV-esque trailer with "The Tillman-Youngs" plastered on the side with graffiti in pink, like the remixed Partridge Family. Adam epitomizes the new Black Hick(TM). That's gonna become a hot new trend, trust. Adam will make it seem cool, somehow. He's already coined the phrase "Saint Pigeon John". He's unstoppable.

My fingers are freezing, but Tdot in itself is not cold. It's like pre-summer up here! Well for Canadians. Anything *not* in the minus range (Celsius) is celebratory, by decking out in capris/shorts/gauchos and some kind of shoe exposing your toes and heels. Sans socks. Except for those dudes that wear Umbro that *insist* on wearing tube socks with sandals. They need to be executed!

And uhhh Matthew aka Mattchu...where the heck are you? I check online every second (ok, only about twice) to see if you're there and you're not. I thought you were good to go as of yesterday punk?

You suck.

I miss ya, actually. I think I shall write you an email. Yes, yes I will.

I'm feeling really weird lately. Like every thing that comes out of my mouth sounds and feels weird. Yeah, that seems weird doesn't it? I dunno. My grad photos are next week Wed. That's insane. I dunno if I should do something conventional or rock out my fro in all its rebellious and untamed power. I'm feeling the latter. No headwraps though. I've decided against that. People are really insisting that I'm a Muslimah and I'm *really* not. Why? Just cuz I got a serious face on most of the time? Cuz I dress nicely and not like a hooch? Cuz I wear black a lot of the time? Cuz I read the Qur'an?! Cuz I go to Islamic meetings!!!

...shutup.

Nah, I don't go to their meetings. I've been tempted to do so though. And be like "JESUS up in THIS PIECE!!!" And I hold up my Messianic chain like a holy gangsta. *making cross signs*

(I'd get shot.)

I wish I *would* do that though! For any non-Christian group. What would they do? That'd be interesting.

Don't worry, I'm not a bible thumper. In *fact* my universalist views and beliefs are growing. I'm growing into someone very, very new, and very, very different. I will reveal her soon. As soon as she's come out of her closed-mindedness, overall fright and abounding fear of what people will think. Cuz I'm tired of caring what everyone thinks, but unfortunately, I've been socialized that way. Like the rest of humanity. (Sans Jesus.)

I got CRAZY questions I want to throw at you all. Some of you will be really annoyed. Some of you won't bother to notice. And some of you, will truly engage in thoughtful debate with me. Thank you.

My current question is this...and it's really not sacrilegious, so doooon't even come to me with that. Check it:

What if, somehow through spiritual revelation, science, a new sacred text or something combing all three...we found out that JESUS and BUDDHA were the SAME PERSON?! What if the patches and pieces of history completely messed us up, and they were indeed one person?

How would you approach that? How would you handle it? Would you change your 'label' in faith? Would you just instantly reject the notion even though it would have been PROVEN?

Hollerate.

How this question came about, you may wonder?

Oh, just this. Captured my attention. Provoked my thought. It's amazing when you have to step out of your box to truly analyze what you've decided to put *inside* the box in the first place, get me?

Ok, I'm becoming colder, so this is my cue to sign off. Tre, I dislike you so much. lol. After all this time resisting Leela (because of the overhype on OKP) and now giving into her...I'm addicted. Especially to "Didn't I"...SCREAMS my life.

Alright everyone...upendo-ai. That is if y'all even get to READ this!

Abandoners.

No Shalom for you!

Current e-Motions: pretty lightheaded and silly. I'm laughing for silly reasons. (I need sleep.)
Wikked Riddims: Leela James - A Change is Gonna Come - "Didn't I" wow, story of my life AND Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better - "The Fallen" whooooo! the lyrics, are awesome.

| ! |

2006-03-05T18:09:00.000-05:00

Happy Birfday Adaaaaaammmm!!!!!!

Can y'all believe our lil A-diz is 23? Wow.

( I'll give you a call later when the int'l rates go down, mon ami. You know how I do. lol.)

| iamnever. (ever.) |

2006-03-02T00:34:00.000-05:00

in your mind
you picture her foggy
like diamond dust in caves
in the deepest corners of descent.
underneath the sunset
you see her blindly -
dark enfolded
her eyes dead set on death
as she walked away from
the heaven you had mapped
out for her in your palm.

sheisthegirlyounevergotover.

and
and

iamnever (ever) her.

iam the mistake kept
hushed
and packed away
like icing from a
child with hyperactive
disorders and
it is almost shame
to consider the time
spent with a youth
so full of flavor -
rolling gently in love
where flower days
got cancelled
and lambs in pastures
refused to eat their
green stew.

testy surfaces
lace my body
with unseen lashes
in the eyes and hips -
and the womb quivers with the
thought of honours bestowed
planning to prolong
your genetic code
in tact.

iamnever her.

the girl who takes sunshine
and runs with it into the ocean
the girl who fits
into cubby holes at recess
and tells stories
to the little boys that
pulled her pigtails
and kissed her softly
in the backseat of
a single mother's chevy.

i
i
am the one whining.
using my fingers
as the cardinality
that'll lead me onto
hebrew scriptures
enforcing my
oneness as
some sort of
enlightenment
taoist charmers
wish to seek.

i
i
am the deleted scenes.
edited out
for good tv
and the drama filled
fractions of fortresses
built upon the scaly
black of me
left out drying
in iranian summers
wondering how i felt heat
and wondering how
water can be so
deep -
running
below me.

you are always that boy.
tilted in your music
and artistic creations
seemingly meaningful
at first but
losing all fervor
once mindfulness
escaped your focus
from today
into yesterdays
that were made out
to be eternally promising.

she was that girl
who never loved you
like me.

yet she is
is that girl
that can down
your flesh and
chastise it without limits.
knowing your struggles
within her goddess
only brings her more power
in the end.

iamnever that girl.
who would use you
for sick delight out
of boredom.

yet you love her
still.
and iamnever (ever)
the one
that
would
break
into your heart
and steal all your
treasures
insisting
that you owed
me
against your will.

© Revolt | 2.k.6.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: ......(tired)...
Wikked Riddims: K'Naan - The Dusty Foot Philosopher- "Blues For the Horn (hidden track) "

| whatever, son. |

2006-02-28T14:23:00.000-05:00

You ever read something from someone you know and just get completely irritated by what they had to say?

Especially if you know you were involved, somewhere underneath, woven into the bitter fabrics of their past, and they *dont* recognize that you indeed were a very important part of that stinkin past at one point?

Yeah, that's cryptic as heck. Lo siento. Actually I'm *not* sorry. Let's let those vague and open comments stand. Cuz that person should know *exactly* what I'm talking about if *that* person decides to roll up on my blog one day soon. Whatever, son.

SometimesIjustwannacutofftheworldandstartmylifeoverhopingthatcertainpeoplewouldjustdisappearandtheydbecomejustamemory.

That irritates me a little, because a) I have an ego problem b) I don't like being shrugged off like I didn't exist and c) *that* person was my world at one point, yet it seems like I was trash-suey to that person when that person *swears* that I wasn't? Whatever, son.

(In a few hours, I probably won't mean half of what I've just said. I'm just a brat with a bad temper.)

Let's move on from the bitterness, shall we? Bon, commencent.

Life's been ok lately. Still busy, still insane, still having crazy dreams. But I'm ok. I have good company around me - even though they're not literally around me - and it's nice to know there's people that I can trust and that care enough about me, even to send me silly texts, or 4 page long essay emails, or attempted phone calls. Or 5 hour long phone calls. Those are the best aren't they, knucklehead? hee hee. Crazy amounts of TMI though! You *know* what I'm talking about too, cheater! hahaha.

*sigh* I'm worried about my progress as an artist. I haven't drawn anything in forever. Haven't written a *real* poem since last year, around December. No, wait. Ummmm....no, I wrote an ok one last month, but it's just 'ok'. Plus it's full of symbolism, which is why I haven't shared it with y'all, ya wouldn't understaaaand.

My creativity is lost between the pages of Dante and Chaucer. My artistry is swallowed by slavery in the Transatlantic world circa 1450 and the roles of sampling in mass media. My course load is kinda heavy, pero, the classes I'm taking aren't that difficult. I did most of my difficult stuff last year, so that was kinda smart on my part. But I'm still a slacker, which'll be a difficult thing to shake.

*yawn* I'm tired. I've been having to wake up early a lot since my dad's surgery and his continuing recovery. 7:30am almost every day! That's like NIGHT to me. lol. And anyone who knows me knows I can't fall asleep until the sun rises. It's been a struggle. I'm just not a morning person. Oh my goodness, I'm a GRUMP in the morning. It's really bad. I'm gonna need to find a boyfriend/husband who *loves* the morning time or else neither of us will ever get anything accomplished in life.

Yeah. I don't have much to say (for now). I just feel like typing. I have a 300 page novel to read for class, but I'll zip through that in about 5 hours or less. Yes it's a gift, I know.

I was gonna do this grandiose post about all my favourite Canadian artists at the moment, but that takes too much energy. I'll do it one day when I know I have nothing else to do.

Sidenote: Ladies, you ever get ticked off when people decide to drop by, and you just wanna stay in your house looking unkempt, and then because people decide to come over you have to fix yourself up? lol. I get so annoyed when that happens! Someone just did that to me, and I had to tie up my unruly hair and put on a bra. That crap sucks. I wanna be India.Arie dangit!

Oh yeah, Jeff done lost his mind. But I still love him though, he just needs a hug. Only critique I have for him though is if you're gonna be scathing and berating towards your audience, do it with people ages 30+. Don't ruin the assiduous, idealistic minds of the youngin's with your harsh realism, Jeff. Then NO ONE is gonna wanna change the world:

"We as black students have lost our minds," Johnson said. "What the hell is wrong with you calling yourself a minority?" Johnson felt that the term minority was inaccurate because blacks in America can connect themselves to their brothers and sisters in Africa, Australia and in the Caribbean. Once they succeed in doing this, they will understand they are the majority. This understanding would lead to their being more proud of their heritage.

Ok, this agree with. I believe my deceased love Ernesto G. was one of the first freedom fighters to point out the inaccuracy of calling those of various ethnic backgrounds living in North America (otherwise, displaced and/or diasporic peoples), a 'minority'. That mentality is as old as cotton-picking.

He was uninterested in whether any members of the audience liked or agreed with his words, he stated, "I need you to clearly understand that in no way shape or form do I mildly care if you liked my speech." As the audience applauded, he came back with "Do not clap. I am not here to entertain ya'll. I am not 50 [referring to rapper 50-Cent]."

HAHAHAA! That's funny in a creepy sorta way. He's overworked. My poor baby. He needs other interests besides activism. Ahem.

Shutup, Jason.

K, that's it.

Upendo-Ai!

Shalom, chaverim and Ja mata ashita.

Hebrew and Japanese Words of the Day:

Selichah - Selichot

(se-lee-KHAH / se-lee-KHOHT) n. Forgiveness; esp. forgiveness by God. Forgiveness is obtained by exercising emunah in the sacrifice of Yeshua as the kapparah for your sins, and by evidencing wholehearted teshuvah or repentance in one’s daily life. Selichot (pl) are prayers for forgiveness, esp. said in the month of Elul, before the coming “Days of Awe” (the 10 days from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur).

(Sidenote: If y'all listen to Madonna's new song 'Sorry', there's a part where she's saying 'sorry' and 'forgive me' in Spanish, Italian, I believe German, and ding ding, Hebrew! She says selichah and everytime I hear it I'm like, 'this heffa is speaking Hebrew in a dance/pop song...wow'.)

Meepuru: Kore wa nan desu ka.
Mise no hito: O-kashi desu.
Meepuru: Oishii desu ka.
Mise no hito: Ee. Hitotsu doozo.
Meepuru: Arigatoo. Itadakimasu.

Maple: What is this?
Sales clerk: These are sweets.
Maple: Are they good?
Sales clerk: Yes. Please try one.
Maple: Thank you.

Current e-Motions: bleeeehhh...I want sleep!
Wikked Riddims: Broken Social Scene - You Forgot It In People - "KC Accidental"

| cant...breathe... |

2006-02-23T00:20:00.000-05:00

Ok ok, this is not another raving fanatic post about my unconditional love for Jeff Johnson. (yes it is, but it's merited!)

YOU ALL NEED TO REALIZE THAT I MAY VERY WELL MEET HIM!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, you read it correctly. In addition...

I'M GETTING HIS AUTOGRAPH IN THE MAIL IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS.

I can't even explain how all of this happened, how who knows who, who just happens to know HIM. All I know is I can't *breathe* I mean literally CANNOT BREATHE. There's not enough O2 in the stratosphere right now that can support the EBULLIENCE oozing out of my system right now.

My sister. Oh my gosh, I guess the aphorisms praising those who give and are gracious are true.
I've held my tongue, covered for her, taken care of her child like she was my own (my niece calls me 'mommy' A LOT and it disturbs me) and my constant push for her to become a better person overall = is paying off.

SHE IS THE ONE MAKING THIS HAPPEN.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! [/ lunatic laugh]

I'm going to meet my prototype. Ok, nothing's final yet but still. HE KNOWS WHERE I LIVE! lol.
He knows who I am! He's SEEN my picture! Any of y'all seen the boho pic of me with the headwrap and the angle of the pic is kinda at the side and it's in a sepia hue? No? Well boo on you. You can catch it here. Anyway yeah, he's seen that one IN COLOUR. Bwahahaha, none of you suckas have seen it in colour! Or ALL of it either, cuz I cropped it. HE HAS.

*using asthma inhaler*

I can't even feel my fingers type! I have an essay to do too, and I'm pretty much drunk off of excitement right now. I can't sleep! This is insane. All of this happened within a few HOURS!

Anyway, THIS IS THE KICKER:

Dude is gonna read my WRITING! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Oh.my.goodness.

And if anyone knows me, y'all know my writing is MY SOUL. *dreamy eyed* He's gonna read my soul.

(Ok, I'm gonna pass out.)

Amazing how things change in ONE day. Moment to moment...

B"H.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Hebrew and Japanese Words of the Day:

Ne'eman

(ne-’e-MAHN) adj. Trustworthy; reliable; faithful.

Christine

(in Kanji means the following):

Eternal Reason Protection Wisdom Elegance

(You are an elegant princess, with a mind quick to reason, in whose wisdom is eternal protection.)

They *must* have had me in mind.

Current e-Motions: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wikked Riddims: Bell Orchestre - Recording a Tape the Colour of Light - "Throw It On a Fire"

| thisisarantthisisaramble (read at your own risk) |

2006-02-20T23:12:00.000-05:00

I'm not enjoying life right now. There's too much pressure, there's too much to do. There's too much expected of me and I can't *handle* all of this at this point. It's my last freakin year in university and I have so many *other* things to deal with in my face and it's extremely unfair and inconsiderate. I'm slacking on school, cuz there's SO many family issues to deal with. I'm scared I'm gonna fail all my classes. I'm scared I won't graduate. I'm scared I'm gonna be a failure. I don't know what to do. I blame my mom. I blame my sister. I may be being a brat, I may be being inconsiderate myself. I can't weigh the ethics of it all, all I know is I'm tired of being unhappy. I'm tired of my hair falling out due to limitless amounts of stress. I'm very, very unhappy. Everyone who has a soul can see that this girl (read: me) is angry, annoyed, tired, restless, lost and confused. I'm harbouring resentment. I'm harbouring unforgiveness. Yeah, sue me, I'm human too. I can't always be *good* all the time. There's time I don't wanna have to be the bigger person and do the right thing. I wanna scream at the top of my lungs in bitter protest:

It's just all too much!!!!!!!

I need peace.
I need rest.
I need quiet.
I need time to BREATHE.
I need solace.
I need people.

I need a hug.

~~Shalom~~, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: all of the above.
Wikked Riddims: Stars - Set Yourself on Fire - "The Big Fight"

| doin a lil pre-spring cleaning |

2006-02-17T03:15:00.000-05:00

Annnnnd I'm back. Not for long. Ummm, revamping the layout as you can see. Still have to work on the wretched comments section. This dude's layout has THE messiest coding I've ever seen, and I'm a neophyte in this thing. Anyway, the layout's nice and clean huh? hee hee, and *I* did the border up top. Japanese and Hebrew words for 'peace'. Dope. Interesting how they both end with a 'mem' type character (ie. the boxy looking thing).

If I knew how to say 'think minimally' in both languages then it'd be even doper, buuuut I'm not *that* advanced yet. Soon though.

I'm tired. Been scratching at this for a while now...but I'm working on it. I have tons of blogs to visit and I hope I get to all of y'all this weekend. I'm just so busy!...sooo much to do. Days need more hours, or, well, I just need more sleep.

K, I'm out.

*edit* As j.uno so 'nicely' pointed out, IE is not a good look for the border.
Mozilla all the way, son. And I fixed the comments section, whoo hoo! We're open for business.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: arrghhhhhh! I *hate* javascript!

Today's Riddims: Lights and Sounds - Yellowcard. hahahahaa, YEAH I KNOW! But I'm in love with their drummer, LP. *swoon* Once again, its the hair. I'm just a little disturbed that his bday was yesterday (Feb.16th.) lol. *inside joke*

| hyyyypppeeerrrrrrr |

2006-02-02T21:57:00.000-05:00

HAHAHAHAHAAAA!! It's here it's here!

It's HERE.

I'm doing a dance right now. Seriously, I am!

Love y'all.

Now someone love *me* dangit.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: *deliriously happy*
Today's Riddims: Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

| Mooshi mooshi! |

2006-01-31T23:42:00.000-05:00

Whaddup, son sons? *cheese grins at Tre* *ice grills Adam*

Long time no blog, I know. Life is HECTIC. But lately I have been lounging more than usual. I just didn't feel like writing anything. I know right *gasp* the writer who doesn't want to write! What a paradox. Oxymoron...? Irony?! One of em.

Ummm, yeah. So what's up, how have y'all been? Cool? Bien? Shalom? Genki ii? Niiiice. I've been ok. Well not really ok, just aiiiight. There's been too much DEATH around me. I *hate* death and I've never been good at handling it. My cousin Roy died. My birds BOTH died. Coretta Scott King is now dead (A"H). My dad could have died. I mean he didn't and the chances were like 3/7000, but still. My pops went in for surgery on his left knee yesterday and is now recovering well. He finally decided to correct a 40 yr. old problem created by an accident when he was 20. Funny how stubborn people can be and how stubborn people can be funny.

There were a bunch of HOT young doctors on my dad's floor @ the hospital yesterday. Whooooo! Now I remember why I was considering medicine. Duh. I'm slow.

Ugh.

Can I be grossly honest with you all?

I really, really need love. Like LL Cool J. Seriously. I haven't been in a beautiful, flowing, rose-tinted committed relationship since *muffled date* Yeah. It's been WAY too long.

*sigh*

And now, if/when I develop feelings for someone, I don't even TRUST myself. I'm not even sure if I'm sincere with how I feel. Cuz deep down I'm convinced it's backed by desperation or some kind of anxiety.

I don't wanna be one of those Terry McMillan type desperate wenches. Yeah, that's harsh but that's real. Seriously. Like I remember saying last time I had feelings for my best friend, Migs. Ehhhhh, that's like incest almost! And someone else? I don't even remember who it was lol. And who else, some messed up dude? Pass on aaaaall of that! See why I can't trust myself?

Maybe I *do* need a shadchan! *grins at Cliff* And Cliff thanks for letting me know where your new blog home is. I like the 'timekeeper' theme, that's dope. And my list has no particular order at all. I shift people around according to how often I read their blogs, I think. I put you more to the bottom ever since 'forrestfire' died and I was floating in the cyber'hood wonder where you disappeared to. Anyway, I need to email you about something personal, re: my list. I'll do that soon so be on the lookout. Oh yeah and PM Stephen Harper (he won) is by NO means kosher. You'll see what I mean in about 3 months time. $81 million for YOUTH incarceration centres!?! Are you kidding me? When these kids have to RENT school books?! Don't even get me started.

So yeah, back to my honesty...

I just want something real. Something that captivates my heart. Something that doesn't completely have me slanted or lopsided where I'm so caught up in the fantasy of it, I forget where my reality begins or ends. Even though that fanciful love is nice, I think I'm too old for that now. I want something organic.

A boho would be nice. hahahaha.

Honestly though. I think I'm expiring. My fresh before date is coming up with the quickness. So it's either you plant me in some rich, nutrient soil or I'll dry up and wither away.

Oh my goodness, and I've noticed a disturbing trend. It seems like my ex's and/or men I've been on the brink with developing relationships with, have all becomes 'gods'. Yeah. "I self am Allah, no one greater." They've all joined the NGE! What have I done? Did a relationship with me shatter their mental health?

Krish Allah, well duh, he's always been interested in the NGE. But after the fallout with him and I, he became a full-fledged god. Then there's 'Los, who's always been a lil eccentric *cough* crazy *cough*. He's now a god too. And finally, Tristan. Yup, Mr. Multiethnic himself is now a god. I don't know how he managed to pull that off, I thought you needed a good amount of melanin to be one...? With his translucent self. And blue-green-grey eyes? Maybe they use him as a 'white devil' mascot.

So that's 3/6. Well 7. Since Krish and I weren't official and neither was *muffled name* and I. But that's 2/5 boyfriends. That's an ignominious statistic.

~~Don't date me!~~

Actually, please do.

This whole post is making me wanna hurl.

I need to change my layout soon. If someone could help me find something simple, clean, minimal and possibly ad-free, I'd love you for life.

Oh and that's something else I've been pondering, since I analyze the plight of humankind daily. Ummm...is it *really* possible to love someone forever? Is there that *one* person, that's passed through everyone's life that they truly will love for all time? And what if you *dont* end up with that person, does that mean you don't *really* love the person you end up with? Does that mean you're purposefully denying the deep-rooted truth of a love you wish you could have? What if it's one-sided love, does it still count? Can you hold more than one person in your heart at a time? Does that mean you're an emotional bigamist?

No one has the answers. All I know is what I feel. And I'm upset that I feel this way.

I've been dreaming dreams of dreams that are driving me insane. I'm an emotional person. I'd like to assume most of you know this, but actually most of you don't. Yeah, I'm an emotional wasteland full of tumbleweeded passion, sorrow and sometimes, rarely, joy. So lately, I've been having these HEAVY dreams. I wake up and they cloud my mind and wrap around my heart so tightly. I'll carry around what I felt in that dream for DAYS. Weeks even. And they make me absolutely irrational in my waking life. So I then wonder if these dreams are something I need to pay attention to, or if my subconscious is playing games with me.

It's just so strange...and I wish they would stop. I just want some peace. I want to think minimally for once. I'm the biggest transgressor of my newly found mantra.

Ehhhhh *vomit*

This post makes me vulnerable. Therefore, I shall go back into hiding. Kung Hie Fat Choy, btw!

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Hebrew and Japanese Words of the Day:

B"N
B'li Neder
Translation: Without taking a vow
Used after a promise, since failure to fulfill a promise is a serious violation of Jewish law. For example, "I'll check that reference tomorrow, B"N." (i.e., if I forget, I don't want to be liable under Jewish law).

Tsukaremashita. Nemui desu.
I'm tired. I'm sleepy.

Current e-Motions: ?!
Today's Riddims: Zero 7 - Polaris

PS. Make sure y'all check out the Excalibur (in my linkas) next month (as in a few days). Your homegirl's got a crazy article in there, plus a poem. hoohoohoohoo! (c) tigger.

PPS. Ummm did I mention that I'm going to marry this man?:

*shivers* It's the dreads. It's aaaalways the dreads. Y'all know Jeff anyway, maaaaan. The only decent thing on BET is his show - The Jeff Johnson Chronicles. *swoon*

| Meet Prince n' Flower n' some otha stuff. |

2006-01-13T23:50:00.000-05:00

My celly isn't letting me take too many pics, cuz I used up most of my storage. But I still managed to get one with them perching together. The white one is Flower (left) and the beige one is Prince (right). They're both female, but my niece named em, so using the correct pronouns really doesn't apply here since she defies the rule all the time. i.e. "Auntie, Micah hit me at school today and she, and she told the teacher and he, he, he told me to stop bothering her."

My niece is a grammar rebel.

lol, kids are hilarious with that out-of-breath talk. Like they end up repeating themselves five times in one sentence and it takes aaaaall of their energy to get it out. And their lil nostrils flare and their eyes dart all over the place, especially when they're lying.

I think I may want kids someday.

MAYBE.

But for now I own two Zebra finches who are the freakin centre of my joy. I tried to feed them some spinach, but Flower got too hyper and Prince wasn't having it. Prince kept jumping on the swing so the little fragment of spinach would fall to the ground. THEN that wench-bird had the nerve to eat it off the ground after I turned around and sent a text on my phone. Heffa.

I love em!

*swoon*

I also dl'ed Prince of Persia on my cell. I couldn't resist it. $7!!!! I'm just gonna buy the game for my PS2, it's over. I've officially become a 'gamer'. I feel like such an uber loser. I talked to this random 'gamer' in EB Games today about POP for like 20 minutes, and I didn't even KNOW the dude. Then he started talking about Halo2 and lost me. I'm not THAT deep into it now. I have a life. Sorta.

School is going well. It's pretty light so far, actually this semester is going to be light overall. Well, besides finals in April. That's gonna be like the battle at Meggido.

I FINALLY HANDED IN MY APPLICATION TO GRADUATE!

Hehehehehee! That felt fantastic. I just pray it all works out in June. And yeah, it will.

Oh yeah I got a gig with CampusX too, recently. That issue will be out in March, I'll keep y'all posted. I added them on mah linkas.

Ummmm...I'm gonna get paid $100 to do an 'on the street' interview for DOSE! Yaaaaay! Now I've got my foot in the door. I have to sell myself and my writing when I meet this staff writer. It's ON. If I could work for them after I graduate, I *might* put -- no no, scratch that. The only paper I'd put Japan on hold for is either the Toronto Star, or National Post. lol, Soli don't beat me up now!

Heck, even Essence. *vomit* Sorry, I mean TimeWarner.

The Canadian Federal Elections are coming up. And since my audience is primarily American, I'll just skip right over that subject. Just keep it in your minds. Cuz if Stephen Harper (Conservative) wins, Canada and the US will be buddies again. More than that, cousins. This dude is so intent on repairing the Liberal-ruined relations with the US he'll whore Canada out as much as he can to do it. I won't be surprised if we end up with US currency in like 5 years time. WOW. Now THAT will keep me in Canada for good.

MAYBE.

Nah, forget it. I HATE here now. At least Toronto. I'm gonna move to the Bahamas. They use US currency right? Or at least something equal to it. And it's warm and friendly there. And their government is run by a bunch of moral, decent, rum-drink making, spiritual black folk too?! I'm THERE. I'll holler at Myles Monroe as soon as I land.

My aunt in VA is doing better (she has/had leukemia) and my cousins are becoming more responsible. OHHHHH and my younger cousin Christina, who's supposed to be my mini-me is on some other stuff. This girl is trickin', okay? Like...*sigh* She's using sex to get things from men. Period. She's 15. FIFTEEN. The dudes she's messing with are like 24, 25, etc. Nuff said. I'm going to cry if I talk about it...but maybe I need to.

She's brilliant, and gorgeous and (used to be) spiritual and very committed to her mom, school, friends, etc. Which is why she was ME, ahem. NOW? I dunno what happened to her. No, I do. My bleeping uncle, that's who. Long story short, my uncle divorced my aunt because he cheated on her, started a whole different family while married to her, my aunt had a female intuition hunch, followed him one day, when he left broke into his 'other' house, rummaged through his stuff, finally had enough proof he was living a double life, the news devastated my entire family and I believe caused my beloved grandmother to die prematurely, and at the pinnacle of all these events, the child he had with his then-mistress-now-wife ended up dying in a car accident a year after my grandma died.

Yeah. Don't act like your fam doesn't have Jerry Springer drama too.

I don't know how to reach out to my cous, man. I'm not supposed to KNOW this information, but my sister kinda put two and two together when she was in VA 2 weeks ago. She needs a slap in her face, and I'll punch her, believe me I will.

She's so much BETTER than this. Is she that desperate for male affection? Did my uncle screw her over that badly? In my family - and this is a West Indian thing, generally at least - the men in the household rarely develop relationships with their daughters. Maybe the oldest daughter, but never the younger one. My dad and I barely have anything that could be called 'relationship', and I'm the youngest child. And just like me, the same mess happened to Christina, but 10 million times worse.

UGH. We need to have an international family meeting, that's it. I'm gonna call my loud mouth Aunt Heather. She'll start enough commotion to make it happen. Or I can just wait to see them at the end of April, as planned.

*shakes head*

And with that I've become tired, finally. I had tekkappamaki with aka miso today. Yuummmmmm. I should've had gyoza with it also, but they deep fry it all, ick. All I'm gonna do is tabemasu nihon-ryoori in Japan. Yeeeeah, I'm joozi in FOUR languages now. *pops collar*

Ja mata!

*Japanese* Words of the Day:

Tetsudaimashoo ka?
Do you need a hand? (lit. Shall I help you?)

Ee, onegaishimasu!
Yes, I would appreciate it. (lit. Please help me.)

Current e-Motions: I'm aiiiight. It's kinda cold in the family room with hardwood on the floor now, dang.
Today's Riddims: Jeremy Enigk - United States of Leland Soundtrack - "Ballroom Blitz"

| Hola! |

2006-01-04T22:21:00.000-05:00

Happy (Gregorian) New Years to you and yours! I hope everyone has a safe, happy, healthy and successful 2006. Y'all aint seen nuffin yet! And that's both good and bad, trust. But it's about to be an amazing year for me though, many breakthroughs have already started to unfold in my life. B"H.

2005 was a very eventful year.
^ check out this recap my homie Souli wrote, best one I've seen for 2005.

Talking to Matthew saddens me. Like to have a former New Orleans resident as your friend gives you such a realistic view on how devistating that disaster was and still is. Can you imagine just feeling perpetually displaced? I can't even fathom it. I feel so bad for him, and I wish there was something I could do to help. But it's hard when you can't solve your friends problems, especially when it's an emotional issue. All I can do is be a listening ear, I guess. He really does deserve so much more...he hasn't had the easiest life. It would be great if y'all could include him in your prayers. Gracias :)

And in other news...

Is it bad that I'm currently *swooning* over 3 guys? lol, I mean it's not that serious, but..*swooooon* One of them is like...well, is probably the most suitable. And he's...*swoon* At first I was kinda resisting it, but now I see that this one is potentially phenomenal.

The other one, is my former best friend whom I'm currently in the process of becoming best friends again with. I mean, it's not the first time I've liked him. I used to like him back in 6th and 7th grade too, lol. Then he just kept me as a friend and ended up dating that wench Olympia. Hahaha, she was cool peoples though. I wonder where she is actually..hmmm. Anyway, as we're reconnecting, I realize how much we have in common. It's scary almost. I remember back in the day we used to finish each other's sentences. Now THAT was scary. A result of hanging around with someone too much...or just a really close connection. A lil of both.

And lastly, guy number 3, no comment. He's a mess. I always have to have a messed up one huh? lol.
But I realize what his problem is now. I don't think he even knows.

Oh and Greg finally decided to let me know he's alive. Maaan, I was thinking a whole bunch of sensational mess about him while he was missing. And like he said, he knows how 'creative' I am, so you know I was thinking some far-out stuff. Anyway he's ok - physically. Mentally and emotionally, that's ANOTHER story. If I didn't care so much about him, I'd seriously cut off all ties to him. Honestly. Wait a minute, I think I've done that before lol. I was being mean then though. I realize he needs some support and once again, a listening ear.

Sheesh, I'm becoming Dr. Phil.

Ok it's bad that I'm writing this, talking to some other people, fully knowing I have a grossly overdue essay to do? Plus, I need to eat. So I'm gonna wrap this up. Plus, I should be preparing for class tomorrow. Bwahahaha, like I'm gonna go!

Holler at y'all another time.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

(L')Shanah Tovah

(shah-nah toh-VAH) phr. Lit. “Good Year,” “Happy New Year!” Usually said during Rosh HaShanah. L'Shanah Tovah Tikatevu is a phrase customarily said on the Jewish New Year and means "May you be inscribed (in the Book of Life) for a good year!”

Current e-Motions: feeling like a procrastinator...but aside from that...gooooooood :)
Today's Riddims: Fall Out Boy (ahhhhhhh! Gabi I love em! lol) - Grand Theft Autumn

| Toronto has become dry bones. |

2005-12-28T00:07:00.000-05:00

I've avoided posting about the gun violence in Tdot on purpose. Firstly, because it makes me LIVID. Secondly, because it makes me feel tremendously burdened.

On the 26th, which is called Boxing Day in Canada (do y'all in the US have that? It's a British thing), 10 people were shot at close to Eaton Center (J, you remember where that was? It's near the first stop we got off at and ate...? The big huge mall that has ten million levels...?). As a result, a teenaged girl was shot dead. (Click the title and/or HERE for the story.)

Since this summer there's been more than 50+ shootings. Not to mention the one that happened IN A CHURCH, A CHURCH I USED TO VISIT FREQUENTLY. And now this one, in front of a mall I visit quite often as well. And funny enough, I was supposed to be down there that day, but I ended up working instead. I wasn't even supposed to work! Baruch Hashem.

I dunno y'all, I dunno. I used to love my city, even underneath all my whining and complaining, this place is my heart and home. But now?!!? What kind of home is this?! What kind of evil has completely overtaken Toronto? Does this city NOT see that it's being spiritually attacked? Obviously, it doesn't, because secularism is rooted so deep into the very culture of Toronto, that the word 'spirit' might as well be banned. Oh yeah, it WILL be, once Bill C-415 passes. And you know it'll pass, cuz that's prophesy right there.

I dunno, son. Something has to be done. And no matter how much we talk about it, sit and discuss it, have town meetings and rally's, nothing on a physical level will ever solve the problem. People's spirits need to be HEALED. It's so serious man - it's too serious.

ever feel so handicapped
and strangled
that the voice
within you is wiped
out underneath the
righteous rage
pitted deep into
your ribcage?

ever feel like
*you* can save the world
yet the world
turns around
and tells you
it rather get rid of
*you* instead?

The helplessness I feel, the inadequacy. What can anyone do? Do people even know what to do?

We can pray. We can fast.

But we need to touch each other. Hold each other. Help each other. Support each other. Attend to each other. All of that = healing.

You ever notice that when Yeshua was going to heal someone, they HAD to address their issues/problems/ailments before He healed them?

Word.

Kids are holding onto guns like life preservers. And I don't blame it on 2 Quarters or Eminem or any other no talented wanna be thug rapper. That's overdone and obviously, not the issue. These kids are starving for love, attention, and GOD. Yes, G-O-D. And if you don't have Adonai in your life and you're wondering why *you* are self-destructiong, THINK about it.

Man, I am SO ANGRY.

All I can offer up is this prayer.

Shalom, chaverim...? (Where IS the shalom?)

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Yetser Ra

(YE-tser ra) n. Evil impulse; inclination to do evil or perform wicked acts. Yetser HaRa is the “old nature” that feeds on sinful impulses.

Current e-Motions: ........
Today's Riddims: Switchfoot - Nothing Is Sound - "Politicians"

PS. I'm starting a blog for my poetry/prose/rambles, cuz I find they need their own space. Once I have it hooked up I'll let y'all know its whereabouts.

: imitatingthe&decon~struc_tionof*punctuation }| . in{rambling) prose ;

2005-12-27T01:35:00.000-05:00

It’s always `me` on the other side of the screen, panting hurting and wondering why I’m here and what my purpose is and if the other person on the other other side gets the gist of why I’m there and if it’s of !!!any importance!!! to them * import tenses like I do often when something stabs me in the heart, but heart bruises only cause more blood to pump out which thus makes me even more invincible right+ I thought that was the case, but the court overruled my composure which leads to ~~irrational behaviours of a free soul that takes the time out to sit behind~~ {this side of the screen and ponder where she’s supposed to go from here} I believe my room is the safest bet yet dreams can attack me just as easily as dimly lit computer screens but there’s no cover from danger so I’ll bury myself in my covers and take hold of my pillows for ample ammunition over the incoming bombs of nightmares that befall me, enthrall me and leave me up for \hours\ ~~wondering~~\wandering\ what else to do with my time\\\\ but sit in front of glass screened |computers|. It’s the gift and curse and I’m under the cloudy_burst_of_film and pixels and megabytes of crystals and seep and sore and sear into my skin while I listen to stories that break^^my^ heart^--_-_-____. Over and over again like I was Nelly and Tim McGraw and I draw on the ceiling in order to create an atmosphere of cumulus nimbus and temp----estu---ous clouds that rage and roar into my subconscious like a lethal threat only to uphold me and revive me keep me alive to see the way I found out ~blocking~ someone from the other other side was easier than I think.

Delete:

Right)

(Click.

Delete!

Esc/

Thatoughttodothetrick;

| sigh |

2005-12-24T00:50:00.000-05:00

Before I begin, I'd like to thank you all for your wonderful comments re: the Giftmas holiday. Some of you I disagree with *mean grills Jason* and some of you left well thought out comments that have me pondering a bit, thinking I may be coming off a bit harsh *smiles at Tre and Jen, waves at Jen too, thanks for visiting my site :)* But overall, I pretty much stand my ground. The only thing I've caved with, is getting people some kind of gifts, and I decided to MAKE them. I'm on a jewelry making frenzy! Oh and if anyone wants a bracelet or necklace, h-o-l-l-e-r! Gabi, I remember you said you wanted something a while back? Let me know which item you want and I'll get to it, sis.

Anyway, as I was: *siiiiiiiigh*

I dunno where Greg is and it's driving me crazy. (If some of you don't know who Greg is, he's my friend, a really really good friend, my ex as well but that title disappeared loooong ago, umm he's a loser bordering on geekdom, used to be in the airforce in Alaska, he's a punk, still lives there right now but is originally from Cincy, he sucks big time also, aaand that's all ya need to know for now). The last two nights I've dreamt about him, and they were pretty much the same dream:

I'm in some apartment in NY and I have this monster closet full of clothes, almost like Cher's from Clueless, and there's this sense of urgency in the air. And once I start to get anxious, I get this weird phonecall from my either Greg or my mom and she tells me to hurry up cuz he's coming over and he only has an hour for lunch, so I have to be on time, as in be dressed and ready to roll out on time. So I'm digging through this huge closet full of clothes, and I try things on but they never look right, or they're either too big or too small or not appropriate for the summer. And while I'm struggling trying to find clothes, Greg calls me and says he's downstairs and is telling me to buzz him in, or instead that I come outside and meet him by his car or else he's going to leave. It's 12:13pm. I continue struggling with my clothes and my hair, and last night my hair started to fall out, and it was this funny red-orange color (don't ask me why) and then I start to really panic, because time's flying by and I'm shedding like some wild animal. Anyway, by the time I find something decent (but I still don't really like what I'm wearing) I come out of my apt. and look for him. It's now 1:13pm. And woosh, he's gone. So I'm frantically looking for him up and down the streets of Manhattan (why the HECK would I live in hot-arse smogville Manhattan? That's how you know this is a dream, cuz there's no way in hell I'd live there) and I can't find him. Then some other crazy stuff happens where I'm looking for a job, and I'm starving, and some other crap I can't remember.

Anyway, the dreams were really, really wacky - I've only told the basics. And I've dreamt this exact dream about him before...ummm...I'd say back in late summer, a bit before school started. And it always has a lot of clothes, and there's a lot of panic and distress, and I never see him. Yet, he causes all of the commotion.

Anyway, yeah I dunno where dude is. I've called him how many times and sent stupid texts. I even sent a weak text threat (yesterday), but I caved the next day (today) and called him cuz I'm a sucker. I'm trying to figure out if he's mad at me...? But Greg's not the type to be mad at me and ignore me. Greg's a lil more confrontational than that. And if it's because I sent that sarcastic text about his soon-to-be-ex, then I hope he knows that I was joking and really didn't mean what I said. It was a silly comment, cuz I just wanted to point out how insane I think his soon-to-be-ex is, so insane, that she's even convinced me that she's NOT insane. That was the gist of it at least. Ha ha, right? Right? ...No?

Dang.

Side note: Matthew's back in New Orleans and he hates it. I don't blame the poor boy, I'd be mad too. I'd get into the details of his living arrangements, but I don't even know what they are. He has no i-net access, and I can never call him cuz I'm too nocturnal (meaning I'm unavailable in the day, yet have all the time in the world to talk at 3am, hahaha as many of you now know, even SHOP at 3am, however he can't talk to me cuz there's this Gestapo-enforced curfew at his sister's house where he's prohibited from any nightly function besides using the bathroom).

Anyway yeah, back to freakin Gregory. I have this gut feeling something's terribly wrong. And maybe I'm picking up from the panic in my dreams, but I feel really anxious re: him right now. I don't even know why. He could be fine. Just in a funk. Just wants to be left alone. But come on, he pretty much keeps me in the loop about everything, why disappear now? My sister thinks he went back to Cincy, but he doesn't go back home until Feb. I dunno, maybe he's just working a lot? Nah...he'd still at least try to call. Especially since I've left messages. Ugh. If he's ignoring me I'll be REALLY PISSED. Cuz that's a fruity thing to do.

Ok I'm done. I'm just gonna stop caring. I realize people tend to show up once I do that. Losers.

Shabbat Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Mechayil el Chayil

(me-KHAI-yeel el KHAI-yeel) phr. “From strength to strength."

Current e-Motions: anxiety turning into anger...grrrr! But actually really content inside :) Giftmas is going to be really nice this year. Ohhh and I'm going to this hotel dinner party with my homie Miguel aka Migs for secular New Years! Whoo-hoo, and ya know he's paying for me too, hee hee.
Today's Riddims: GRITS - Dichotomy A - "Get Down"

| Have a happy Saturnalia, punks. |

2005-12-16T01:31:00.000-05:00

I'm the grinch of Giftmas, as my girl Souli calls it. I have noooo tolerance for it whatsoever. And PLEASE don't come to me with that 'ohhhh we commemorate Christ's birth, it's just a representation'...*yawn* That argument is as weak as me trying to dodge a Saturday night exam, when I done know it's WAY after sunset.

Giftmas is all about consumerism folks, nothing else. If you really want to celebrate Yeshua's birth, I suggest reading up on Sukkot, cuz most likely that's when our Homeboy was really born.

I'm just annoyed by it all. I feel the most pity for my niece. She's blissfully anticipating the season, because of course she doesn't know better, and in addition, my sister is molding her into all the falsities of this supposed holiday. She's gonna regret it one day, I'm telling you. My niece is only 4, but she likes to know the truth up front or else she'll be crushed when she finds it herself.

Anyway, as for Chanukkah, ummm I think I'm gonna cop that brass menorah I saw at the Judaica shop earlier last week. It sucks being the only person in my house to celebrate it but alas, such is the plight of the Messianic.

Okay, that's my grumpy speech. I had to say SOMETHING. So now I go back to studying for my exam, looming over my overdue essay, and figuring out how I can dodge this so-called New Years coming up soon after this horrid season. Blah I say, blah!

But it's ok kids, I still love you.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Hasharat Hanefesh

(hash-ah-raht han-NE-fesh) n. Immortality. The Immortality of the soul.

Current e-Motions: not too bad...my house is in utter chaos! We're remodeling like crazy.
Today's Riddims: Adam Tillman-Young - Christ For Life (hahahahaa, I wish I could post it!)

| I got Tre's book today. |

2005-12-09T23:36:00.000-05:00

Sold onto filed

Weaponry

Wedged between my teeth.

I eat it all up.

I grind for this.

It’s the ISBN number

That hit me in the

Rear

While sitting atop

Of pinwheels printed

Out on vanilla sheets

Binded in coils.

Blue doom

Surrounds the room

And inhales

All of the joy.

Poised myself

For satisfaction.

Tried a game

Of hulahoops for fun.

Traced the creases

That formed

Frowns and smiles

Jumping lines

Illegally

Rebellious.

Lethal

The word

That leads her.

She doesn’t have

Storybooks plastered

Over with technicolors.

She has

Vanilla

And black

As this manual

holy book.

Mantra this,

Mantra that.

Non-liberation

Would be

If I went to sleep instead.

Falling out of

In love

With

The cap covered

Earth

Cradling its shadow

For 12 hrs coming.

Slumming

My tummy

I punch holes

Right through me.

And she watched them

Get delivered

Each time I flipped it.

Cuz she decided

To spread out

Mass appeals

Through Lulu.

Took em up and

Processed the fold

Wedged between my teeth,

Doggy eared.

I gotta save recollections.

There’s more…

So much more,

To read.

I take it that "To all those I've befriended" applies to me too! Hee hee.

God Bless you sis. I'm drowning in phenomenal right now. For really, really.

Lei: You're up next.

Shabbat Shalom everyone.

| PSA: |

2005-12-03T23:51:00.000-05:00

He's married.

"WHAT?!?!"

"Well...that's why it's been difficult for me to call you..."

"Hahahahaahaaa!!!!"

Then he copped a listen to Emcee Dialtone's debut single.

God is hilarious. Truly.

Goodnight, folks.

| Ring ring !? |

2005-11-29T02:07:00.000-05:00

Liiiieeeesssss, I DO care.

Call me, call me, call me! And no, I'm not gonna call dangit.

I don't care how many things I gotta do, this fool better call. (Though he's repsecting what I said when I told him 'calling me for the next few weeks isn't a good idea, cuz i have sooo much to do' < style="font-weight: bold;">blacked out when he said Maryland. I know toooo many knuckleheads *cough* Carlos, Rico, Ev *cough* from there. Wait, Adam you're originally from MD too! Snap, how did I forget that? You blend in too well with the Phillyvibe. And you never came off as a Murderland head to me, anyway. Maybe it's because you're a geek.

Dang, I'm a sucker.

Lonely people should never meet wonderful people lol.

If I had met a loser I'd feel so much better.
Cuz I'm used to that.

CRAP.

And you done know I wrote him a poem.

Hehehehee :) Couldn't help it! And it's actually a poem, haven't done an 'official' one of those since this past spring.

I've been itching to write a poem for someone new, and here it is. I probably could've written this one beforehand too, since it comes off that way. It has bits of pieces of what happened, but there's an anticipation in it that didn't happen (cuz he and I didn't even hesitate to converse with each other), but I like the sense of innocence in it. Has a demure-like quality even.

Am I gonna post it?

Maybe.

Ugh, I feel vulnerable.

YUCK.

*swoon*

That's one of the best words ever made-up. *swoon* Or no, it's not a word per se, it's ummm...what's it called...uhhh, the 'o' word....oh yeah! Onomatopoeia...yessss, that's it. Wow, go English major.

Dang...I can't forget his eyes, son son.

*trying to maintain gangsterdom*

Ayo, son, dude's eyes were like shining and ish son, f'real. Like all glisteny like, god. I'm sayin yo, dude was like the most captivating presence...

HAHAHA, what gangster says 'captivating presence.' Wow, I can't even front.

This calls for a Dwele song....hmmm actually, I'll give it a couple weeks before alladat. I take Dwele way too seriously for aaaaalladis.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Mammash

(mam-MAHSH) n. Essential thing; reality; concreteness; 2) adv. Really; truly (“It was mammash a miracle!”).

Current e-Motions: I need to stop swooning and do some serious homework. I hate this! (read: lies! I love it! hehehee)
Today's Riddims: Errika Dixon feat. my home-god Krish 'Sincere' Allah! - So Simple (click clicka)

| 23. |

2005-11-25T23:32:00.000-05:00

Yes today is my birthday. Bye-bye 22, hello ~~hell~~ 23.

Adam, have I told you for the Nth time that I loves me some you?

Yes?

Ok, good.

ADAM CALLED ME!

Unlike the rest of you!! Some of you I don't blame, cuz you either a) didn't know when my birthday was or b) knew about it, but just didnt have the opportunity to call and/or were crying at the idea of calling someone "international." or even c) don't know me like that and/or don't even have my number(s).

And that's COOL. And we're still cool, cuz I'm not asking much from y'all.

But those on my hate list. NOT COOL. Some of you, might have a shortage on funds, but even so, send a gotdang EMAIL if ~~you're so cheap~~ you can't afford to call.

I almost put Jason on my hate list, but alas, he sent me an email. Thank you J :)

Even so, I'm not upset. I have adopted something I've learned from the Dalai Lama: "Expect nothing, detach from everything."

It's so easy. It makes life very, very simple. And disappointments? Vanished.

Anyway, other than that...today was a great day! I went to my friend Junior's wedding. And Adam, remember how I told you earlier that it WASNT a Jamaican wedding? WRONG. I mean it wasn't Jamaican, but it dang sure was Trinidadian to the MAX. I was loving it, crazy jokes and maaaad food. Y'all would've been glued to the kitchen. I couldn't eat anything but salad and breadsticks, but I could tell the oleaginous, grease fest of food was wickedly delicious.

Oh oh oh...and I met me someonnnneee. Whoooo, gotta love being single and going to a wedding. Hehehehee. He's so dang COOL. Very geniune guy. And he can saaaaang! *swoon* He sang two solos during the ceremony, and he happens to be my boy's cousin. That was a lil wild.

The setback with homeboy: He lives in Jersey. Crap! Why is it I gotta meet the one dude NOT from here? *sigh* It never fails. But I dunno, we have each other's numbers, so we'll see. And honestly, I don't even CARE at this point. School is taking up so much of my time, and the other bits of time I have left is for work, The Lex and sleep. I barely see my fam, unless I purposely take the time to slack off from any of the former (which would be school, of course).

I have essays coming out of my skin!! Especially this one research paper: 20+ pages, how grand. Luckily though, I got sick recently. I have a sweet doctor's note that excuses me from many handed-in-lates and/or not-handed-in-at-all's. Mwauahahaha, go Canadian health system!

Anyway, tonight was Soul-i's going away whatnot, and I'm so sorry I couldn't make it, I hope she got my email. Hopefully she and I can meet up in the not so distant future, IY"H. I know she'll have hilarious stories and pics for me though.

Cliff, you are...exquisite. I dunno how else to describe that masterpiece called Pearl. There's a lot of references I get, and it's wonderful to see how smoothly you incorperated them into the monologue. I do have to read it over again though, and give you more detailed commentary. Life is so crammed right now, I can't even enjoy your literary genius.

Tonight was also a Dub Poets Collective slam which I wanna cry about missing. Pero, my cousin knows a bunch of the people who helped organize it, and she's gonna hook me up with a meet and greet with a few of the artists. Whoo-hoo!

Ok, that's it I think. Today wasn't about me at all, but at the same time I enjoyed it. I had fun, got a few phonecalls from friends and fam, met a great guy, and that's that. Oh and did I mention I have these dope Beyonce-circa-2002-braids in my hair now?

She's sexy! (c) Pharrell.

Shabbat Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Chatunah

(kha-too-NAH) n. Jewish wedding. Chatan is the groom; Kalah is the bride; Edim are witnesses. The elements of a Jewish wedding normally include the following: one chosson (the groom), one kallah (the bride), and a ceremony sometimes referred to as kiddushin. Separate steps usually accompany a traditional wedding:

Shidduch - it's a match!
Vort - formal engagement
Ketubah - marriage contract
Bedekin - the visit from the chosson to the veiled bride (after a week of no contact after the engagement)
Chuppah - the wedding canopy
Kiddushin - The giving of the ring
Sheva brachot - seven blessings recited over the couple
Breaking of the glass - remembering the exile even in our joy
Cheder yichud - "room of privacy" - the closed room where bride and groom are together for the first time. Normally they share a meal here, directly after the ceremony.
The reception - dancing, music, etc.

Current e-Motions: *swoooooooon* I wonder when he's gonna call...
Today's Riddims: Musiq - Just Friends

| ADAM!!!! |

2005-11-17T23:21:00.000-05:00

I was in the middle of an EXAM fool! lol, I love how you call me at these obscure times.

2pm!!! I'm fully in class man. And what made today even better? I didn't turn off the ringer on my phone, because *sigh* no one calls me anyway, so I kept it on thinking it wouldn't matter. Wrong move! So right as I'm about to approach this stupid question on Richard Rolle and Hadewijch of Brabant, THE WHOLE LECTURE ROOM HEARS:

"EVERYBODY 1-2 step, I LOVE it when you 1-2 step...we're about to geeeet it ooooon!"

Yeah I have Ciara as my ringtone, BITE me.

That's her on the right, mind you. She looks a lil mannish in that pic, no? Dang.

Anyway, so I'm here fumbling to turn it off. And it was LOUD too, because I had my cell on the desktop as a clock to check my time.

Luckily, my prof was cool. She just shrugged it off and did one of those indirect comments 'May I remind you all to PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES IN THE LECURE HALL'...

LOL. I wasn't embarassed...that much. That's not the first time it's happened to me, but this was the first time it happened in a room full of 200+ students. Oh yeah, gotta love that.

At least some of em were singing it.

Hahahaha, and this is the class I barely go to, too. I'm sure they all know me now.

But I know you'll call me back, on MY REAL BIRTHDAY, which is next week FRIDAY. You have the worst calendar in the world. I'd rather you have a CP time calendar, than just a CRAPPY one.

I still love you though. You just ALWAYS manage to get me at bad times...or rather, not get me at all. hee hee.

How about I call YOU next time, ok? (That is, AFTER my birthday, sucka.)

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Tsedakah

(tse-dah-KAH) n. Charity; Benevolence; Justice.

Current e-Motions: *sigh*...writing an essay...one of 3 I have to write in less than a week which = 32+ pages of writing. *grumbles*
Today's Riddims: that song that was on The Apprentice tonight, by that Nigerian dude. Jide, I think? That song was hot.

| Shutup, I like Surveys |

2005-11-14T04:57:00.000-05:00

You're an Indie Pop Kid. You like songs about
relationships and the prettiness of nature.
You're sentimental, but certainly not emo.
Oh, and if you aren't an English Major, you
should be.

You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize.
brought to you by Quizilla

Boooo, I'd like to think of myself as emo...at times. Well...blah. The English major thing...creepy.

Bands // Song Titles
Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: Esthero!
Are you female or male:: That Girl
Describe yourself:: Brave Bear Woman
How do some people feel about you:: Wikked Lil Grrl(s)
How do you feel about yourself:: Half A World Away
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: Bad Boy Clyde
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: N/A, but if I had one he'd be: Indigo Boy
Describe where you want to be:: Country Livin (The World I Know)
Describe what you want to be:: Superhero(es)
Describe how you live:: Lounge
Describe how you love:: Blanket Me In You
Share a few words of wisdom:: We R In Need of a Musical Revolution
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You've been totally Bzoink*d

Ok, it's official. I have a girl-crush on Esthero. I think I have for a while now, just didn't wanna admit it. I think I dig her because if I was a soultress-trip hop white girl from tha Tdot, I'd wanna be her.

And what ever happened to DOC (on the right, duh) with his fine self?! I know he's hiding somewhere in Toronto. I'm gonna find him, hee hee.

Ok last one...

130 Things People Want To Know About You
.: The Basics :.
Name?: Christine
Age?: 22
Gender?: Femme fatale
Location?: Toronto
Hair color?: burgundy with dark brown roots lol
Eye color?: darkest brown
shoe size?: ha!
height?: 5'6 and a half
interests:: anything illegal.
.: Favourites :.
food: currently: thai green curried potatoes and lentils with jasmine basmati rice.
drink: nestea iced tea
music style: everythang.
music artist/band: COLDPLAY.
tv show: Girlfriends and ANTM
movie: too hard to pin down just one.
thing to do: sleep, sing, some sort of art, share profound and obscure thoughts
ice cream: currently: butterscotch soyscream
colour: orange and yellow!
song: currently: X&Y - Coldplay tied with Lounge - Esthero
book: Breathe Eyes Memory
computer game: none. video game? Soul Calibur 3 and Tekken 5 tied
board game: chess!
dessert: currently: fruit and yogurt
quote: "i hate quotations" (c) TS Eliot
animal: a kitty!
holiday: New Year's day, both Gregorian and Hebrew
number: 11
name: hmm...i dunno. Siddhartha!
.: Friendship :.: !!!!
who's your best friend?: nobody *sniff*
other close buddies...?: The Collective(TM), Keisha, Tai, Chris, Beth, Migs, Ksu
last friend you hung out with: Shallene
last friend you hugged: Naila
last friend you saw a movie with: Migs, no wait, Tammy.
last friend's house you went to: Hope's
any friends you cant stand?: all of em.
any friends you've regretted becoming friends with?: ummm...
if so, who?: welll....
do you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex?: i used to.
most annoying friend?: probably Ev.
most preppy friend?: Keisha, hands down. what a snob lol.
darkest friend?: darkest? lol, as in subculture dark? Ksu.
hyper-est friend?: no one, I'M the hyper one.
nicest friend?: im not sure
funniest friend?: all of em are hilarious
meanest friend?: all of them are equally mean
most outgoing friend?: Beth and Migs
shyest friend?: Tai and Shallene tied
hottest friend?: Matthew and D, tied.
friend with the best personality?: um hello, that's me.
friend with the best music taste?: none of em, I'M that friend lol.
friend who sings the best?: me again
friend who laughs the most?: yup, me again
friend you enjoy being around the most?: Migs
friend who your parents love?: Migs
friend who your parents hate?: Chris, lol.
friend your parents don't know about?: a few of em...
.: Romance :.
got a crush/boyfriend?: I aaaaalways have a crush or two..or more lol.
if so, what gender?: it's a dude
name?: hahahahaa
how far have you gone?: with what?
with who?: say what now?
the last person you kissed:: N/A
the last person you hugged:: N/A
the last person you wanted to kiss:: ooooo...
how far you do want to go (at this point in life)?: i dont even know what i want at this point in life with this or these particular mens.
hottest friend?: Matthew, D annnnd let's throw in Greg for some levening lol.
hottest celebrity?: CHRIS MARTIN.
if you could date any famous person, who would it be?: see above and also Jeffery Johnson, tho he isnt really a celeb.
dream date:: anywhere with Jeffery Johnson.
dream honeymoon:: N/A
age you want to get married (if not already): ick!
number of kids you want to have (if not already): i dont know.
straight?: im straight.
gay?: nah, son
bi?: no, boss
would you rather your boyfriend/girlfriend be gay or bi?: neither, homie.
.: This or That :.
Kerry or Bush: Paul Martin! lol.
rap or rock: soooooooul.
pop or country: country, dixie chicks are dope.
movie or tv show: films, my dear.
girl or guy: guy, duh.
fire or water: fiiiiyaahhhh.
death or life: life, abundantly
cheerleader or punk: cheeleader punk, that'd be crazy.
prep or jock: prep, aaaaall the way.
kroger or publix: hmmm?
walmart or target: target
avril or jay-z: ugh.
pink or black: black
cheez it or cheese nip: cheez it
cat or dog: kitty!
tape or glue: glue
msn or aim: aim
mall or movies: film festivals
writing or typing: both
phone or computer: in person
baseball or football: basketball
p.e. or health: skipping both.
high school or middle school: high schoooool, dang i miss it.
dunkin donuts or starbucks: starbucks!
amc or united artists: united artists
walgreens or CVS: neither.
brownies or cookies: brownies *sobs*
reading or writing: both
surveys or polls: both
livejournal or xanga: LJ!
Yellowcard or Ashlee Simpson: ewwww.
AFI or Jojo: AFI
Green Day or Beastie Boys: Green Day
kill or be killed: neither, im a pacifist.
eat or be eaten: eat!
hate or be hated: be hated...you can hate me now (c) Diddy/Nas
ocean or pool: ocean *swoon*
singing or dancing: singing whilst dancing
heart or peace sign: heart in a peace sign
halloween or christmas: neither
question or answer: question
fear factor or the o.c.: fear factor
the simpsons or who's line is it anyway?: who's line is it...maaaan i miss that show.
Disney or The N: neither
pancakes or waffles: pancakes
strawberrys or blueberrys: blueberries
yogurt or frozen yogurt: frozen yogurt
kiss or hug: both please...now.
guitar or drums: drums, all the freakin way.
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You've been totally Bzoink*d

Yeah, now I need to go to sleep. Bonsoir, mes amis.

Confession: I'm addicted to Soul Calibur III *sobs* Curses to you, PS2, curses! Btw, I haaaate you cocky XBox 360 owners. UGH. Get away with your 'ultimate entertainment experience' selves. And your sexy looking game system. Elitists! Hmph.

| screeeeeeeeech |

2005-11-09T03:13:00.000-05:00

WHO was THAT? I mean who was that person, last entry? Abby McApathy? Wow.

Let's erase that sad, sad woman from our memories and gigabytes, shall we?

Thanks.
Good.
Bien.
Bon, commencent.

Hahaha, there were these little French tests we used to take in elementary school, and even in 9th grade French class, that used to start like that: 'Bon, commencent!" And they'd ask a question in our cahier d'activite and the pre-recorded voice would say 'vrai au faux?'

Hahahaha. All my Canadian heads will understand.

Ugh, I HATE(D) French. Glad that's over with.

Learning Japanese is soooo fun. I found a few sites/books that let you pick up conversational tidbits, and I've been using them sorta kinda. Alongside Hebrew/Yiddish. Alongside Spanish. Dang, I should be like an interpreter later on in my career(s) or something. And work for the government. And plan tons of fanciful, cleverly orchestrated subterfuge against The Man(TM) with so-called 'Third World' countries.

*thinking anti-imperialist, anarchic thoughts* Mwahahahahaha!

Sorry. I guess I've been watching the France riots on the news too much.

So yeah. Ummm, York didn't go on strike, thank God. I almost had lock jaw the night before the decision was made. I was stressing SO MUCH about it, you have no idea.

So now my teeth are acting up. Too much stress. I'm going to see a dentist tomorrow, today rather. Crap. I've been living off of Motrin for the last few days. Also that stuff that numbs your gums, that babies use when they're teething. Can't remember the name.

Ohhhhhh and guess who went to a CeCe Winans concert on Sat!! That was DOPE beyond belief. I have pics but they're blurry. Ugh, the seating arrangment was disgusting. We were all packed in like sardines, in a auditorium that's made for 2000, and there were about 2,800 there. Uh huh. Then the line up to get in. Um, hello, why did I have to line up for 1 hour to get into a concert I bought pre-paid tix for? Yeah, that's Canadian event planning for you. And I had the nerve to wear my high-high choco brown boots. Mah sexay boots. But they hurt like hell, ummm after about an HOUR.

I still danced the night away in em though. She was amazing. And she's even more purdy in person! And there was a point where she stopped the music, in the middle of singing 'Alabaster Box' and was like "ok, y'all need to stop with the pictures, I'm here to worship, and y'all should be too." W-o-w.

There's more I wanna say, but it all slips me now.

I'm feeling much better y'all. Thanks to HaElyon. Thanks to enlightenment. Thanks to my hormones stabilizing. Thanks to my creativity coming back to life. Thanks to Lawrence Christopher, (this DOPE author!) thinking MY writing is the ishy-ish! Thanks to The Excalibur for having new Staff Writer openings! And finally, thanks to ADAM. I loooovee yooooou! I just read your emails, hee hee. You're the best. Like I always knew you were the best, but now you're even MORE the best. The bestest best.

"Thank heaven for you..." (c) Esthero

......

After typing out best so many times, I realize how ugly a word it is, considering its purpose is to describe someone/something above and beyond. "Best." Ewwww...it should be related to cows somehow. Bovine. Dairy. Don't ask me why I think that.

Question: Would it show a lack of loyalty to dump The Lexicon and go write for The Excalibur instead? I mean it IS York's numero uno paper (Lex is a cool second). Plus you get PAID. And I can work with them AFTER I graduate. Hmmm...I ponder such things.

I'm reading Kathy Acker for class. I feel insanely challenged. I'm writing so much, I jot stuff down in my sleep.

Yet, I still manage to not do much homework.

"My life is brilliant..." (c) James Blunt

Shalom Chaiyim, chaverim!

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Nacham (to comfort)

Current e-Motions: soooo much betteeeerrrr! I needed to be an artist again, I forgot I was. And I finally have another so-called 'life plan', with GOALS! I had retired those in haste (and disbelief).
Today's Riddims: Esthero - Breath From Another - "Lounge" AND Coldplay - Parachutes - "High Speed"

PS. I realize I haven't replied to comments on here lately. Sorry about that everyone, I'm a jerk. I've read, laughed at, thought about and enjoyed all of them. I'll resume my commentary soon :) And write Souli a blinkin email! lol. And yes, you too Jason.

| Must be nice (c) Lyfe |

2005-11-04T00:23:00.000-05:00

I'm sad today. Again. Perpetually.

It would be nice to leave this place right now. Go to Tibet and chill with the monks or something.

It would be nice to have someone listen to me. Sincerely. Attentively. For like 5 minutes straight.

It would be nice if I trusted people enough to share things with them. Stop being so secretive. And evasive. And elusive. (I'm sorry.)

It would be nice to be appreciated.

It would be nice to be honored.

It would be nice if Americans spelled honored with a "u".

It would be nice to witness the eradication of fake thugs, worldwide.

It would be nice to stop putting labels on people. On faiths. On beliefs. On God.

It would be nice if I wasn't such a hypocrite.

It would be nice to stop loving everyone and everything so hard.

It would be nice to not be so passionate about everyone and everything.

It would be nice to have someone hold my hand for a day.

It would be nice to have a hug that lasted all day.

It would be nice to stop mourning him. And him. And him. And him. And him. Hmm, and him too.

It would be nice to fall asleep at night without sleeping pills.

It would be nice if my teeth didn't hurt all day cuz I was biting down on them all night.

It would be nice to not stress myself so much.

It would be nice if I went to class everyday that I have class.

It would be nice if I was ~~sexy~~ sexier.

It would be nice if everyone had keen fashion sense.

It would be nice if I'd stop apologizing for who I am, will be.

It would be nice if I had what I needed. Usually you can buy wants.

It would be nice not to sleep in an empty bed anymore.

It would be nice if I met The Him(TM) today.

It would be nice if I knew whether or not The Him(TM) existed.

It would be nice if I could kick his a** for taking so long to show up.

It would be nice if I could be a nomad. Or a painter. Or a streetside poet.

It would be nice if I stopped caring what people thought or think about me.

It would be nice to stop regretting things that can't change. Or missed chances, opportunities and make-it-rights.

It would be nice if my birthday wasn't in 3 weeks.

It would be nice if I ended this 'it would be nice' series, right now.

Au revoir.

Shalom(?), chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

none.

Current e-Motions: meh.
Today's Riddims: I didn't even listen to music today.

| Ok quickly... |

2005-10-28T00:37:00.000-04:00

RIP Rosa Parks. Yes, I'm late. I'm slow too. I saw the memorial for her on my homepage a couple days ago, and it didn't click to me that she had passed. Yeah, color me challenged.

Is it wrong that I'm still mad at her for suing Outkast a couple years back?

Oh well.

Um, I will be going on a blogwide tour this weekend. I have a few essays to do and a test to study for, and once I get all of that in order I'll be back to regular blogging. Commenting on blogs is more fun anyway. Yes Todd, you're first on my list mon ami. And Souli, I need to write you another long-as-AJ's-face email soon. And Jason, I'm still mad at you.

Oh and it gets better!

The strike at school is almost imminent now. Grrrrrr!!! The good news is, it'll only last for 2 weeks or so. Bad news, you can never predict what'll happen. This is what it looked like last time York had a strike, thank God I wasn't there yet:

*sigh*

Otherwise, I'm doing so very well. I got a test back today that I took in late Sept. and I aced it. Didn't expect that. The prof for this particular class is no push over: only 3 people including myself got A's. And he announced it in lecture. That's just mean. lol, it's funny though.

Um, um, that's it. Oh yeah I went to this impromptu book reading/book launch last week Thurs. That was great. I have a few snaps I took that night that I'll put up here soon. Actually I have tons o' random pics I've been taking with my cellcam that I'll put up just cuz I wanna. Ummm...I've been having THE weirdest dreams involving the most unexpected people. I just don't know what to make of them. I've just been feeling this pregnant air around me lately, like something bigger than life is about to take place. I dunno. Maybe my birthday? *sobs* I don't wanna turn 23 *bawls* Lawd Geezus, mi cyan tek it!

Ahem, yeah. I'll be fine. That's Novermber 25th, for you miscreants who can't remember.

Oh yeah, I'm going to see the surgeon to set a date for my blasted surgery. I forgot to mention this. Nov 2nd is the date, and I dread it. If anyone has any questions re: my surgery, please email me about it. Thanks.

Despite that, I'm super hot looking lately - cuz I've been making jewelry, and it's dope. Debating on selling it, but that's tacky. Anyway, that's for another post which probably won't happen.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Lev

(layv / le-vahv) n. Heart; core; center. In Hebrew there are two terms for heart, lev and levav. The extra bet (which can mean “without”) in levav is said to allude to the way of the evil inclination, which should be avoided, leaving lev – the good heart.

Current e-Motions: I wanna write for DOSE, I wanna write for DOSE!
Today's Riddims: Robin Thicke fka Thicke - A Beautiful World - "Cherry Blue Skies"

PS. What the expletive is this! I saw this on BGLU and dang near fell out. High-larious.

| Oh Dear Lord, why?! |

2005-10-26T00:15:00.000-04:00

Um, just click the title.

I'm not even gonna say anything else man.

LOL, and you know 2 Quarters did NOT write that well written, gramatically correct article right? And they tried to make it 'gangster' with token words like 'aint' and 'cats' and 'hood.'

Who are they trying to fool?

I can't even log onto my homepage without seeing this dude's mug all up in my face. Ugh.

Goodnight.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Simchat Torah

Current e-Motions: annoyed by this article...otherwise, I'm doing quite well.
Today's Riddims: Coldplay - Blueroom EP - "Such A Rush"

| Survey Day! |

2005-10-24T01:47:00.000-04:00

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Super Wonder
Your Superpower is Accessorizing
Your Weakness is Ice
Your Weapon is Your Magic Catapult
Your Mode of Transportation is Unicycle
What's your Superhero Name?

Accessorizing?! How on POINT is that? hahaha.

You Failed the US Citizenship Test

Oops, you only got 2 out of 10 right!
Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

HAHAHAA, 2 out of 10!!! That's horrible. Oh well. I don't care about y'all and your stinky country.

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture.
From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!
What Language Should You Learn?

Niiiiice, I answered honestly in this one too. Dope.

So it's only right that...

Your Japanese Name Is...

Chika Tokudaiji
What's your Japanese Name?

Ja mata ashita!

| Binary Confessions |

2005-10-19T01:58:00.000-04:00

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Shalom, chaverim.

Ps. It's Sukkot, whoo hoo! I don't have a Sukkah tent though :(
Pps. click on the title for help with this post, suckas.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Sukkot

(soo-KOHT) n. Sukkot. Feast of Tabernacles; Fall festival; celebrating the forty years when the people of Israel lived in booths or tents in the desert. Sukkot is one of three pilgrim festivals when Jews were expected to go up to Jerusalem.

Current e-Motions: trying to find a way to free myself a lil bit, every 2.5 minutes...
Today's Riddims: Nelly Furtado - Folklore - "Picture Perfect"

| cuz i got it like that |

2005-10-18T00:28:00.000-04:00

i smell like
the Promised Land
on purpose
Hurt your glare
if you take in
my beauty too long
make hush puppies
sing love songs
abandoning
defeat as
pimps
on unemployment cheques
beg for mercy at my feet
it ain't easy
being so fly
so i tone it down
incognito
riding solo on the metro
with hoops and
Jamaican colored rings
drinking Ting
as the flavoured
tonic of the day.
Holler if you hear me
but don't come near me
if your pants
sag lower than my heels
and your ride
is rims on Big Wheels
cuz a sistergirl
puts self respect on deck
before desperation.
In this Toronto situation
i sundial the Tower
to tell clocks from minutes
i analog math
before single digits
and headwrapped
homegirls like me
rather carry occupations
than stagger blindly
from the club 1/2 hr before 3.
it
aint
so easy
being
me,
but i perfect it
with ease
make revolution harmonies
with the banging of my keys
and raise GPA's
with ideas that surpass
the confidence of
unparalleled TA's
that
cant
even
grade
my
essays.
it aint
as cocky
as it is true
the prevaricate
is the opposite
of this uncompromised
tune.
take in a wiff
and reminisce back
to Exodus
when the thought of my
scent
was heaven sent
sided with 2 cents
more than the predicted
quotient.

stir it up
and take a sip of
this potion.

Milk &
Honey
is the name of my
lotion...

HAHAHA, it really is! Burt's Bees Milk & Honey body lotion is the greatest.

I dunno how smelling myself turned into a freestyle. *shrugs* Oh well.

| Grumblings from the North |

2005-10-17T00:45:00.000-04:00

Leave it to York University. Oh yes, only York U could pull off a STRIKE in my last year of school.
I'm remaining calm though. I'm staying focused. Yes, I'm still procrastinating - successfully. I'm going to act like everything is normal, until I see the first picketer. And if I see him/her I will throw rocks. Tons and tons of em until my arm gets weak...then I'll start kicking rocks. I am so not joking.

Stupid TA's (Teaching Assistants aka Masters candidates who need flexible part-time gigs). Ooooo 'my graduate tuition is so high'...ohhhhh 'they don't pay me enough to babysit their stinky classes'...waaaaa 'I work too many hours during the week'. Boo freakin hoo. I don't CARE! No one MADE you become a TA in the first place, that was a choice you made, fully knowing the craptastical terms of the contract(s), the weak arse union you chose to be apart of, and you STILL signed up anyway. Deal with it. Why must undergrads pay for your silly mistakes? Why do WE have to miss out on OUR classes, tests, exams, audits and final grades just because you finally had sense to realize you've been duped by Faculty and the government all this time?

That stuff IRRITATES ME. Grrrrrr!!! You have no idea. And yeah if I was a freshman, sophmore or heck even a junior I'd be like 'yaaaaay, no classes!', no doubt. But this is not the case. This is do or die year for me. Things HAVE to go my way. I have big plans riding on my graduation - as a few of you whom I've chosen to tell - know. There's no way I can have any more delays. I've delayed myself enough as it is.

*siiiiiiigh* That's been weighing on me all weekend. The undergrads will find out the TA strike verdict in November, which isn't all that far away now that I think about it. And let's not even mention the 2 other assignments I have to do and haven't blinked at yet...hee hee, that's my fault though. I blame that on my purchase of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (why is it that everything in this flick looks EXACTLY the way I imagined it in my mind when I read the book? It's either I'm insane or a creative genius...hmmm, probably both).

Grrrrr! And then this huge monsteriffic bug decided to make its multi-legged presence known on my bedroom ceiling about 10 minutes ago. I had to get my dad to remove it, seriously. I was paralyzed by its gargantuan proportions.

And that all leads to my final grumbling = the winter. Oh yes, the winter is fast approaching. That's why there's centipedes taking residence in my house to keep warm. That's why when I go to an early class @ 8am, I have to wear a winter coat WITH a scarf and gloves. That's why I'm sitting in my house right now, banging away on these keys and my fingers are FREEZING. This is when 'let out my fro-curls to play' Christine, turns into 'I wear bohofarian headwraps at all times to keep my head warm' Christine.

I love Toronto. Truly I do, this is my home. I love our seasons. No other place on this planet gets snow, rain, sunshine, heatwaves, hurricane breezes and hail, all in the same day. Toronto provides variety, but gotdang man, why must our winters be so draining? And you know what, it's not even the winter, it's the fall. Autumn is the most dreary and depressing season in the world, even though the trees are absolutely stunning, por ejemplo:

So yeah. Those are my Canadian rants. Hahahaa, why did the Mounties call my store today? That was hilarious. "Hello there, this is Constable blah blah from the Royal Canadian Mountain Police..." Don't ask me what they called for, my manager took the call afterward. I just thought it was funny.

Um...what else was I gonna say. Oh yeah...I dunno if y'all noticed, but when I bold out certain words in my posts, more often than not there's a link accompanying it. i.e. with 'Wabi Sabi', if you move your mouse over the bolded words, it'll form a lil red box surrounding the word, thus leading to an article, picture, site etc. But I've decided to make my links bolded red from now on, so no worries.

Annnnd, that's all folks.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Refuah Shlemah

(re-FOO-ah she-lay-MAH) phr. “Get well soon,” “A complete healing,” “A speedy recovery!”
Also transliterated as “refuah sh’lemah.”

Current e-Motions: pretty good...I'm freezing, but I'm cool, har har, no pun inteded.
Today's Riddims: (Leslie) Feist - Let It Die - "Inside and Out"

| G'mar Chatima Tova |

2005-10-14T01:21:00.000-04:00

Hope y'all (or those who care) had a wonderful Yom Kippur aka Yom HaKippurim.

I reflected on a lot yesterday. A lot of soul searching, which was well needed.

Now back to the grind of things. Is it bad that I chose to do my article for The Lex over my essay? Ohhh Cliff! Thank you soooo much! That response you did on Maus II was brilliant. I don't know why you were hesitant to share it, even your prof thought it was profoundly written. Now I'm curious to see what other masterpieces you wrote in college, hee hee. I was graciously given an extension on my essay, so your paper is really helping me out.

Yeah, that's it. I'm reading about Wabi Sabi now. I can't believe I've been doing this my whole life without even realizing it. *pops collar* Yeaahhh, some people are just born deep.

P.S. I hate the term "deep."

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Olam

(oh-LAHM) n. Eternity; world; universe. Also: everlastingness.

Current e-Motions: pretty good...some other things on the mind.
Today's Riddims: Dwele - Some Kinda - "I Think I Love You" *swooning Dwele*

| Mice men |

2005-10-11T16:18:00.000-04:00

I'm reading Maus II for one of my classes. Mind you I just started reading it yesterday, and the essay for it is due tomorrow. Yup, successful procrastination all the way.

I feel half insane. All I have in my head are these pictographs of incinerating mice in Auschwitz. Birkenau. Mice. He uses mice and men. Men with mouse masks when retelling the already told stories = displacement. "Imprint of the former." History vs. modernity. Authenticity vs. inadequacy. Trading cheese for labour. Selling cigarettes for love. And THAT's your life savings!

Spiegelman uses so much pun in the book it's crazy. And it's a COMIC BOOK for Krishna's sake.

I don't read comic books, but this dude's gonna make me have to get Maus, the original, as well.

I'm blown away. This books screams "Adam", with the boundaries it pushes in artistry. Jayce, you'd dig it too. Sphere and Joel, it'd be an instant hit with y'all for sure.

Question: Did I see Tristan yesterday? Who knows. I don't remember half of what went on yesterday. The cloudy days and rainy nights keep me transparent. I know for sure I saw my sweetheart of a niece, Keira, last night. She's a diva, but she's gorgeous. My other niece, Makaylah, came back from VA with my sis, with her crazy self. I got Melon Cucumber hand soap.

My aunt is sick. I haven't told any of y'all this, save for one of you. My aunt has leukemia. She just started chemo the day before yesterday. Prayers, thoughts, meditations = welcomed.

Answer: Did "I" see Tristan yesterday? All I know is with the fog and the rain and the dreariness I told him to have happy trails to wherever the heck he was going. Oh, correction, somehow he enlisted himself in the military and is being deployed to some remote closed location. Didn't bother get his Masters. Stopped working at Columbia as a TA. Germany was just too random. His eyes were grey, this time.

I think I saw him though...oh right...I saw him leaving.

I should've thrown a piece of cheese.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Mechilah

(me-khee-LAH) n. Forgiveness.

Current e-Motions: tired...feel bad for skipping class...well, not really. Gotta go to work...meeehhhh.
Today's Riddims: James Blunt - Back to Bedlam - "You're Beautiful"

| $1.99 + tax |

2005-10-10T02:04:00.000-04:00

steam package my bones
in cardboard boxes
and ship them out
to wicked hearts
who rob me
of
my
peace.

frustration indwelling

gathered swelling

of hell singing
songs of
brokenness in my temples.
thought it could be simple
maybe
to hide in the glamour
and the fantasy
ignoring the most important
parts of me
not for sale,
but i bargained my
worth down
to buy one get one free.

spades deceiving
those looking for crooked l-words
stunted by four letter grammar
that's no where near being new.
i let him
have me
cuz i
wanted him
to.
wrap me up in bow ties
and sparkly delights
that stick onto
me like
rotten gum
on shoes.
and keepsake
that moment
in a listless notion
that motion me
to sickness
once i realize
this harvest was
well past due.

from me to you
my honour
shattered
from me to you
my calmness
scattered
from me to you
and back to me
i received the burnt
end of the wick
that was lighted by
this corrosive matter.

this is the farming
of the clearance bones
smothered in melancholy
maladies that flood me
just by entertaining
thoughts of you.

again
and again

letting self defeat
and red-stickered
desperation
become
my
best
friend.

| sigh Tristan... |

2005-10-08T20:30:00.000-04:00

If I could just get a break from him for a year straight, it would either be a miracle or a sign that the apocalypse is near.

Tristan (full name: Antonio Tristan Joaquin Arellano, so stereotypically 'Latin' aint it) is ex #4 in my long line of ex's (don't worry it stops at 5). He and I were together from a bit before I turned 19 until January 4th, 2004. (Reason why I remember that date so clearly is beacuse I gave him the cuss out of a lifetime that day. Feminists all over the world would've burned their bras in my honour.) I keep thinking we broke up during my 19th year, but I keep forgetting that he and I broke up numerous times, but soon after got back together, as always. Well except for that time I dumped him for Trell, then I was sorta kinda dating both at the same time, but not at the same time. lol. It's complicated. I mentioned this on my old blog, so I won't repeat the whole drama.

Anyway, the last time we broke up was for good, because he cheated on me (again) with his then baby-mama, now separated-about-to-be-divorced wife. He has three kids with this hef-- ahem, woman -- too. And his last child, the daughter named Emelia...nuff said. His wifey wife wasn't too pleased about that once she figured out why he was pushing for that name (it's my middle name for those who don't know).

But blah. The whole point is, Tristan for some reason has this urge to keep trying to get me back. It's a seasonal event. And it's flattering, stalkerish and depressing all at once. And what's even worse is that I tend to entertain his little conquests for my own amusement.

I think I do it because he's stunningly good looking. Yeah, I think I'm that superficial. And my crazy weakness for Latin dudes. Well he's not even fully Latin either, he has Italian, Palestinian, German and some other stuff mixed up with a touch of Blackness thanks to his grandmother. And then he has the nerve to have these piercing blue-green eyes. Dear Lord...

Anyway, he's been in NY now for a while doing his Masters at Columbia where he also did his undergrad, and he'll be up here sometime this week, but I'm not gonna meet up with him. Apparently he's leaving to go to Germany for a good amount of time, for God knows what (knowing him that could just be a reason to get me to see him). I just don't feel like getting caught up. I'll admit, having someone profess their undying love for you can really warm the heart. But enough is enough!

I've had more than my share of beautiful lies.

Can all the unwed, decent, moral, spiritual, moderately good looking, no baby mama drama having straight men with keen fashion sense please stand up? Please?....hello?

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Chutzpah

(KHOOTS-pah) n. Nerve; insolence; presumption and arrogance...mmmmhmm!

Current e-Motions: meeeeehhhhh...I gotta be at work tomorrow for 8:30am. Now I'm really irritated.
Today's Riddims: Esthero - Wicked Lil Grrrls - "A Beautiful Lie"

| Today's Ope |

2005-10-06T19:35:00.000-04:00

It was so funny to see Luda on Oprah today. He looked nervous as heck on that stage! Luda and the rest of the main cast of the film Crash were on Ope today, and she based her show on society's views of/on racism. And yeah, nothing new. Conclusion: most people are racist and/or prejudiced to some degree. Blame it on socialization, media, upbringing, lack of cultural/ethnic respect, exposure and understanding (read: ignorance) or various negative experiences, most of us, at some time in our lives will and do discriminate. Badly. We succumb to stereotypes pretty easily too. What can I say, we human beings are marred down to our DNA.

Anyway, by no means am I excusing racism, or violence that's perpetuated because of it. But I realized that this social issue isn't gonna be solved overnight. Terrence Howard *swoooooon* completely captivated the audience, I mean literally mesmerized EVERYONE with his nightmare of a story of violence and racism that happened to his father, and even his own experience getting arrested because of his alleged assault on some flight attendant. PLEASE. I was ticked reading about that on IMDB, because I knew the accusation was completely sensationalized and fueled by blatant racism. But yeah, the two stories he told had me close to tears. People in the audience were crying too.

Then the N word debate got started. Ahhh, the favorite. "Whites can't use it, but Blacks (and Latins, depending on who you talk to) can." "It depends on how you say it or spell it, with a 'er' or an 'a' at the end." Blah blah blah. I dunno. I couldn't care less about all the specifications, really. I use it very, very rarely. And when I do it's cuz I'm acting ignorant on purpose. Pero, I do believe people have the power to valorize words, and that one shouldn't allow a traditional definition of a word dictate to them what it should and shouldn't mean to them personally and presently. I guess that's just the neosocialist in me.

Then Luda got attacked a bit, by his constant use of the N word in his music. And then Sandra Bullock lashed out (indirectly) on how 'bitch' and 'ho' needs to not be apart of (his) music anymore. Then that ni-- I mean Luda--had the nerve to say that there are actually 'real people' who are indeed 'bitches and hoes, that exist.' And the good ole 'when women stop calling each other that, then maybe I'll do the same' crap. Whatever Luda. You want just want your freakin CD's to sell, and for your askari fan base to remain loyal to you. It's amazing to me how he'd take the time to see another light on how one could use or not use the N word, but when it came to women's rights and self-respect, he was unflinching with his views. PLEASE, again.

He kinda does seem like the chauvinist type though. *shrugs*

Anyway, I didn't feel like anything got resolved on the show (thus, when I realized this can't be tackled overnight). And my mom pointed out to me today that Ope's shows never quite offer resolution, but rather are a catalyst to worldwide debate(s)/discussions. And that's great, it really is. However, isn't time we stop yapping and actually get something DONE about these issues? I dunno, that's just my opinion. We can sing about revolution forever, but if nobody's moving, nothing will ever progress.

Meh. I should've been in class. lol. I ended up staying home talking with my mom. Sometimes I forget how cool she is. Some days we're at serious odds, but mostly, she's my best fwend.

Did I mention that Terrence Howard looked scrumptious on Ope? Whooooo...looked just like how I remember him, all of 5 years ago chasing him around downtown lol.

Mercy.

Anyway that's it for now. I was gonna write something about ANTM's episode last night, but nevermind. ANTM's gettin a lil too sketelish nowadays. "Miss" J is gonna drive me mad, and Jay Manuel is too pretty to be a man. Lord knows I'm gonna have to deal with much more when I get into the fashion biz.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Tehillah

(te-heel-LAH) n. Praise; song of praise. Plural is Tehillim.

Current e-Motions: need to do some homework! The more I have to do = the more I slack off.
Today's Riddims: Switchfoot - Nothing is Sound - "Politicians"

| For Tre and Jon: |

2005-10-05T23:22:00.000-04:00

Warm and good love, love good and warm.

The I don’t wanna get outta my bed on Monday morning sorta love

The I don’t believe in gravity kinda love

that carries you to your car Thursday evening

And dances off balanced melodies in your mind

Catching up to your heatbeat by speeding,

Purposely, missing stop signs.

The what did you say again? love that's

Too loud to listen to your friends complaints on Tuesday

The love that says I can sit all day and watch paint

dry, randomly, occupied with thoughts of he.

The Hallelujah on Sunday

Rise up and bake cakes 3am Wednesday

Let’s light fires and sip wine on Friday

night

Skip

The game

On TV

Saturday

afternoon

Kinda

Sorta

Love

type.

The I can hang out with my boys another time

Cuz the lady I desire fills my appetite juuust right.

Warm

And good love,

Love good and warm.

That believes in infinite

Possibilities

And manages to grow

Everyday

A lil bit

More.

| L'shanah Tova Tikatevu! |

2005-10-03T21:38:00.000-04:00

Happy Yom Teruah aka Rosh Hashanah to everyone, since it started at sunset.

It's the year 5766, for those who don't know. The Gregorian calendar sucks!

Anyway, welcome to my new spot. Nice and clean ain't it?

I'm a big fan of keeping it simple. Being a complex, brooding artist is becoming a bore *yawn*

Anyway, let your presence be known on my taggy-thingy. And I'll be back with more on Wednesday night when this first mo'edim of the season is finished.

Wanna know more about Yom Teruah/Rosh Hashanah?

Shalom my friends, shalom.

Hebrew word of the day :

Chai

(KHAI) adj. 1) Alive; living; Fresh; new; creation. 2) n. A pendant with these letters worn as jewelry.

Current e-Motions: resting on this shabbaton, like I'm supposed to :)
Today's Riddims: Cross Movement - Higher Definition - "Redefined"

*The Ultimate MySpace Survey*
General Questions
What Is Your Full Name?:	Christine Emelia Barnes
How Old Are You?:	23
When Is Your Birthday?:	November 25th
Where Were You Born?:	Torontooooooooooooo...actually North York, which is like a Toronto 'burb.
What Color are Your Eyes?:	Dark Brown
What Color Is Your Hair?:	Dark Brown with Burgundy ends, my hair and color grew out.
How Tall are You?:	5'6 and a HALF.
What Is Your Favorite Personal Physical Feature?:	my toenails. no seriously, my toes are gorgeous.
How Many Siblings Do You Have?:	1 full sis, 1 half bro I consider my full bro, and another estranged sis that I don't consider family.
Music
What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Music?:	Roooooock...ummm, sorta. I like EVERYTHING, but...
What Is Your Least Favorite Kind Of Music?:	as I was saying above, everything but commercial music. Ick.
Who Is Your Favorite Artist/Band?:	COLDPLAAAYYYYYY, but now contested by Broken Social Scene, Metric, Stars and The Most Serene Republic.
Do You Wish You Had Some Sort Of Music Talent?:	I DO have musical talent, thank ya very much.
Do You Play An Instrument?:	I AM the instrument.
Do You Like To Sing?:	Not in public.
Do You Like To Sing In The Shower?:	Yes, but when I know folks are home I try to sing quietly.
Movies
What Is Your Favorite Type Of Movie?:	Indie
What Is Your Favorite Movie?:	Currently? Me You and Everyone We Know
Who Is Your Favorite Actress/Actor?:	hmmm...right now, Takeshi Kaneshiro is that stuff.
Do You Think Movie Stars Should Make Less Money?:	Some of them do, the ones in INDIE films.
Sports
What Are Your Favorite Sports?:	To play: Volleyball, Badminton (for real! lol) TO watch: Basketball, Hockey and a lil Soccer, oh yeah and the CFL!
Who Are Your Favorite Teams?:	Too many to name.
Do You Enjoy Going To Live Sporting Events?:	Hecks yeah.
Do You Play Any High School Sports?:	I played volleyball for a while, badminton too, but quit both.
The Party Life
Have You Ever Gotten Drunk Before?:	yes.
Do You Like To Attend Parties For Fun?:	no, i hate people in large quantities.
Do You Do Drugs?:	nah.
Have You Ever Tried Drugs?:	well...there was this time in Jamaica...
Have You Ever Drank For Fun?:	yup.
What Is The Best Thing About A Party?:	leaving.
Do You Have Any Tattoos?:	nope.
Do You Have Any Piercings?:	will soon.
Do You Want More Tattoos/Piercings? Which ones?:	I want an eyebrow ring, I've always been fascinated by em.
Religion
Do You Attend Church/Temple/Moske?:	What's a 'moske'? lol. I go to a sorta kinda temple-church.
What Religion Are You?:	I guess I'm Messianic on paper, but I DEFINITELY incorporate teachings from other faiths too.
How Committed Are You?:	I'm committed to God, not 'religion'.
Are You Saved?:	I'd like to think so. lol.
Do You Read The Bible/Torah/Koran Daily?:	Daily? Nah...I should though.
How Often Do You Pray?:	Every time I breathe. Literally.
Cars
Are You Into Fixing Up Cars/Trucks?:	Nah, booooring.
What Kind Of Vehicle(S) Do You Have?:	none.
What Is Your Dream Machine?:	Oh I love VW's. And ummm Audi's.
Video Games
Do You Play Video Games?:	Yuppers.
How Many Hours A Day Do You Play Video Games?:	Not everyday anymore.
Have You Ever Played A Video Game So Long You Forget To Eat?:	HECK YEAH, TEKKEN 5 CHAMPIONSHIPS BABY!!! That takes all day.
What Is Your Favorite Game?:	Tekken (all), Soul Caliber (all), Mario Kart (all), Prince of Persia (all)
What Is Your Favorite Game Type?:	Ummm...something where I can beat people up.
What Game Are You Most Excited For In The Future?:	TEKKEN SIX SON!
Xbox 360 Or PS3?:	PS3...I'm loyal to Playstation.
Shopping
Do You Like Shopping?:	YES YES and MORE YES.
What Is Your Least Favorite Kind Of Shopping?:	Domestic shopping, like for Glade plugins or hand towels or something.
How Many Times A Month Do You Go Clothes Shopping?:	I STAY clothes shopping.
What Are Your Favorite Things To Shop For?:	Clothes and food.
How Many Pairs Of Sunglasses Have You Bought?:	Maybe like 6 in my lifetime. Sunglasses are for divas. lol.
How Many Sandals Do You Own?:	A whole lot.
Friends
Happiest:	Talia
Hottest:	I'm sure if I had a hot friend, we'd be dating. lol.
Smartest:	Adam and Beth.
Dumbest:	Don't hang with the slow folk, save for Greg.
Religious:	Rich aka Ricooooo, he's so holified. Too much, imho.
Athletic:	Manfred and Greg
Nerdiest:	Jason!
Nicest:	All of em.
Meanest:	All of em.
Concieded:	it's conceited, dummy. And uhhhh...probably Carlos.
Craziest:	As in for real crazy? = Krish
Funniest:	Migs and Matthew
Food
What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Food?:	Chewable.
Starbucks or Jamba?:	The 'bucks.
What Is Your Favorite Meal?:	Salmon, wild rice with mushroom soup mixed into the rice, and a baked potato with sour cream and chives, mmmmm.
Do You Like Fish?:	YES.
Are You A Healthy Eater?:	For the last year and a few months, heck yes.
Cookie Dough Or Oreo Ice Cream?:	Cookie dough has less fat, believe it or not.
Do You Call it Soda Or Pop?:	Pop, SON. Soda is for Americans. lol.
What is Your Favorite Soda?:	My favourite POP is...Sprite. You just can't go wrong with it.
What is Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink?:	DISARONNO AMARETTO. In just about anything.
What Is Your Favorite Kind Of Desert?:	Used to be: Choclate swirl cheescake with cookie crumbs.
Relationships
What Does Your Dream Relationship Consist Of?:	sigh Openness, freedom, spiritual connection, passion, common goals and dreams.
What Is The Most Important Thing In A Relationship?:	Trust. And it takes A LOT for me to COMPLETELY trust a guy.
What Is Your Dream Date?:	You mean when? Whenever Jeff decides to call me...
Do You Believe in Abstenence Until Marriage?:	Ehhh, it's IDEAL aint it? lol.
Does Your Mate Need To Be Taller Than You?:	YES please Lord YES.
How Long Would You Wait To Kiss After Meeting Someone?:	I'd kiss em the same day! lol.
How Soon Do You Want To Get Married?:	I'm not sure, my feelings fluctuate.
How Many Children Do You Want To Have?:	Depends how rich I am, if I'm REALLY rich, then just 1. But if I'm so-so rich then 2 or MAX 3.
How Long Would You Walk To Find Your True Love?:	Forever.
Do You Believe in True Love?:	Sometimes.
Have You Ever Been in Love?:	Too many times.
Last General Information
What You Like to Do for Fun?:	I DONT KNOW ANYMORE! Do surveys. lol.
What Size Shoes Do You Wear?:	hahahahaaa...
Do You Like Animals?:	I love animals.
Are You A Good Student?:	I used to be.
What's Your Dream Job?:	THE ONE I'LL HAVE IN DECEMBER SON!
What Do You Do For a Living?:	Stinking Sales Associate and newly hired ENGRISH TEACHER.
Do You Like Your Job?:	I hate the present one, can't WAIT for the new one.
If You Had One Wish, What Would That Wish Be?:	To NOT work at my present job.
Do You Love Your Family?:	Of course.
What Do You Think is the Most Important Thing in Life?:	Truth.
What Do You Think About When You're Alone?:	The state of the world and my future in it.
What Do You Dream About?:	Fanciful, fanatical and insane things that cannot be described.
What Do You Fear the Most?:	Failure.
What is Your Most Missed Memory?:	The entire year 2000.
Are You the Trustworthy Type?:	I can be if I want.
Do You Like Poetry? If So, Who's Your Favorite Poet?:	I sometimes do poetry. My favourite poet: Aime Cesaire.
What is the Best Way in Which You Express Yourself?:	Writing, duh.
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*Bands // Song Titles*
Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band::	Esthero!
Are you female or male::	That Girl
Describe yourself::	Brave Bear Woman
How do some people feel about you::	Wikked Lil Grrl(s)
How do you feel about yourself::	Half A World Away
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend::	Bad Boy Clyde
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend::	N/A, but if I had one he'd be: Indigo Boy
Describe where you want to be::	Country Livin (The World I Know)
Describe what you want to be::	Superhero(es)
Describe how you live::	Lounge
Describe how you love::	Blanket Me In You
Share a few words of wisdom::	We R In Need of a Musical Revolution
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*130 Things People Want To Know About You*
.: The Basics :.
Name?:	Christine
Age?:	22
Gender?:	Femme fatale
Location?:	Toronto
Hair color?:	burgundy with dark brown roots lol
Eye color?:	darkest brown
shoe size?:	ha!
height?:	5'6 and a half
interests::	anything illegal.
.: Favourites :.
food:	currently: thai green curried potatoes and lentils with jasmine basmati rice.
drink:	nestea iced tea
music style:	everythang.
music artist/band:	COLDPLAY.
tv show:	Girlfriends and ANTM
movie:	too hard to pin down just one.
thing to do:	sleep, sing, some sort of art, share profound and obscure thoughts
ice cream:	currently: butterscotch soyscream
colour:	orange and yellow!
song:	currently: X&Y - Coldplay tied with Lounge - Esthero
book:	Breathe Eyes Memory
computer game:	none. video game? Soul Calibur 3 and Tekken 5 tied
board game:	chess!
dessert:	currently: fruit and yogurt
quote:	"i hate quotations" (c) TS Eliot
animal:	a kitty!
holiday:	New Year's day, both Gregorian and Hebrew
number:	11
name:	hmm...i dunno. Siddhartha!
.: Friendship :.:	!!!!
who's your best friend?:	nobody sniff
other close buddies...?:	The Collective(TM), Keisha, Tai, Chris, Beth, Migs, Ksu
last friend you hung out with:	Shallene
last friend you hugged:	Naila
last friend you saw a movie with:	Migs, no wait, Tammy.
last friend's house you went to:	Hope's
any friends you cant stand?:	all of em.
any friends you've regretted becoming friends with?:	ummm...
if so, who?:	welll....
do you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex?:	i used to.
most annoying friend?:	probably Ev.
most preppy friend?:	Keisha, hands down. what a snob lol.
darkest friend?:	darkest? lol, as in subculture dark? Ksu.
hyper-est friend?:	no one, I'M the hyper one.
nicest friend?:	im not sure
funniest friend?:	all of em are hilarious
meanest friend?:	all of them are equally mean
most outgoing friend?:	Beth and Migs
shyest friend?:	Tai and Shallene tied
hottest friend?:	Matthew and D, tied.
friend with the best personality?:	um hello, that's me.
friend with the best music taste?:	none of em, I'M that friend lol.
friend who sings the best?:	me again
friend who laughs the most?:	yup, me again
friend you enjoy being around the most?:	Migs
friend who your parents love?:	Migs
friend who your parents hate?:	Chris, lol.
friend your parents don't know about?:	a few of em...
.: Romance :.
got a crush/boyfriend?:	I aaaaalways have a crush or two..or more lol.
if so, what gender?:	it's a dude
name?:	hahahahaa
how far have you gone?:	with what?
with who?:	say what now?
the last person you kissed::	N/A
the last person you hugged::	N/A
the last person you wanted to kiss::	ooooo...
how far you do want to go (at this point in life)?:	i dont even know what i want at this point in life with this or these particular mens.
hottest friend?:	Matthew, D annnnd let's throw in Greg for some levening lol.
hottest celebrity?:	CHRIS MARTIN.
if you could date any famous person, who would it be?:	see above and also Jeffery Johnson, tho he isnt really a celeb.
dream date::	anywhere with Jeffery Johnson.
dream honeymoon::	N/A
age you want to get married (if not already):	ick!
number of kids you want to have (if not already):	i dont know.
straight?:	im straight.
gay?:	nah, son
bi?:	no, boss
would you rather your boyfriend/girlfriend be gay or bi?:	neither, homie.
.: This or That :.
Kerry or Bush:	Paul Martin! lol.
rap or rock:	soooooooul.
pop or country:	country, dixie chicks are dope.
movie or tv show:	films, my dear.
girl or guy:	guy, duh.
fire or water:	fiiiiyaahhhh.
death or life:	life, abundantly
cheerleader or punk:	cheeleader punk, that'd be crazy.
prep or jock:	prep, aaaaall the way.
kroger or publix:	hmmm?
walmart or target:	target
avril or jay-z:	ugh.
pink or black:	black
cheez it or cheese nip:	cheez it
cat or dog:	kitty!
tape or glue:	glue
msn or aim:	aim
mall or movies:	film festivals
writing or typing:	both
phone or computer:	in person
baseball or football:	basketball
p.e. or health:	skipping both.
high school or middle school:	high schoooool, dang i miss it.
dunkin donuts or starbucks:	starbucks!
amc or united artists:	united artists
walgreens or CVS:	neither.
brownies or cookies:	brownies sobs
reading or writing:	both
surveys or polls:	both
livejournal or xanga:	LJ!
Yellowcard or Ashlee Simpson:	ewwww.
AFI or Jojo:	AFI
Green Day or Beastie Boys:	Green Day
kill or be killed:	neither, im a pacifist.
eat or be eaten:	eat!
hate or be hated:	be hated...you can hate me now (c) Diddy/Nas
ocean or pool:	ocean swoon
singing or dancing:	singing whilst dancing
heart or peace sign:	heart in a peace sign
halloween or christmas:	neither
question or answer:	question
fear factor or the o.c.:	fear factor
the simpsons or who's line is it anyway?:	who's line is it...maaaan i miss that show.
Disney or The N:	neither
pancakes or waffles:	pancakes
strawberrys or blueberrys:	blueberries
yogurt or frozen yogurt:	frozen yogurt
kiss or hug:	both please...now.
guitar or drums:	drums, all the freakin way.
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