| I let lil things break me - Christine who? |

I do and it really sucks.

You know, I shouldn't let certain things or people bother me, but I do. Cuz I care. And I hate when I lose something I care about. Or just a particular portion of it. Like...my heart breaks a lil. A lot. Cuz no matter how much you wish, you'll never get that portion back. And that was the portion you really took the time to treasure. And invest your time and effort, and heck even money into, indirectly.

Things change. People change. Shoot, I change all the time. Yet I manage to still be Christine. Don't I?

I already hate this post.

Y'all are an insane bunch of talmidim. lol. Thanks for the responses last post. I got MAD at Jason, but quickly realized that there was no real reason for me to be upset. None of you *really* participated in my heresy and that's fine, I guess you missed the gist of where I was going and what I was trying to do. Have any of y'all seen 'The Body'? If not, that explains why no one really got my point. You would've had to have seen that movie.

Anyway, Jen gets the Academy Award for calmest and soundest argument ever. Thank you, again.

And Adam gets the Jimmy Swaggart Award for mentioning me being condemned to hell. I liked that one lol. And the ref. to Gabi on top of it! Two awards for you.

*sigh*

I was feelin pretty irie tonight before I talked to certain people. And then the cryptic, emo, downtrodden Christine emerged. I don't wanna do that tonight maaaan! I don't wanna be her right now. I have too much to be thankful for. And I'm just too freakin blessed for that. I really am.

And I'm talented. And cute. And fun to be around. And silly. And wonderfully clever. And a liar. Cuz I type out this kinda stuff in order to make myself believe it lol.

I'm going to a fashion show in two weeks. I don't even know what to weeeear! Toronto Fashion Week is next week too. I could've gotten passes! I didn't know they were opening it up to the public this time. Those heifers! Could've let a wanna-be designer know, sheesh.

And that wonderfully reformed Christine I mentioned last post...? Bump it. I ain't revealin her to none of y'all. Too much drama. I can already see it. I already lack friends, I don't need to lose anymore.

That's pretty shallow ain't it? Yup, guess so.

Ugh, I'm gonna go make bracelets. Read Lamentations. Ponder the purpose of life, etc.

What a disappointing evening.

PS. PS. I WILL say this. Today I was able to moderate a discussion of The Brome play Isaac and Abraham with a Catholic, a Jew, an agnostic, a Buddhist and and a Muslim. Why was I able to do this AND dominate the class as well? Cuz I've read and applied all the texts relevant to their faiths (or lack of), that's why. It's good to know the contents outside of your box. Tis all.


Shabbat Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: meeeeeeeh. and a side of 'feh' sprinked with 'blah'.
Wikked Riddims: (earlier today) Yellowcard (yup, them again! lol) - Lights and Sounds - "Waiting Game"...something about a 25-piece orchestra infused with rock that sounds out of this world. *swoon* (right now) John Reuben - Hindsight - "Hindsight"...it's a beautiful thing.

| Where are y'all? - Usual Rambling |

Ummm...have I become that obscure that y'all have abandoned me? *sniff* I mean can a sista take some tiiiime out to go through a VERY complicated part of her life? *choked up* Why hath thou forsaken meeeeeeeee *sobs*

[/melodrama]

I don't blame y'all really, I'd abandon this blog too. Shoot, I dance with the idea *daily*. I have a thing for reviving myself. Like a phoenix coming out of the ash. Wow, that was a corny metaphor. Scratch that. But yeah, I like starting anew. It feels good and fresh and...innocent, I guess. Hmmm...

Anyway yeah. Life's been tough, but I'm tougher. Even though I'm a big whiny baby on the side, babies can still kick bootay when they're ready. Like the Rugrats. Apparently, according to some silly quiz I did, I'm like Tommy. A leader. Fearless. Toothless. Bad-a!!.

Recognize.

Adam's birthday came and went and that sucka didn't even check his email. I'm hurt. But I'm not surprised. He's becoming more dark and brooding about his birthday's. What's THAT about Adam, huh?!?!! Suck it up. 23 is fun....

......

hahaha, I almost believed it!

You're still loved.

He was in Knoxville buying a 'concession trailer'. And NO I didn't look it up on google! I like what I've created in my imagination = a giant white RV-esque trailer with "The Tillman-Youngs" plastered on the side with graffiti in pink, like the remixed Partridge Family. Adam epitomizes the new Black Hick(TM). That's gonna become a hot new trend, trust. Adam will make it seem cool, somehow. He's already coined the phrase "Saint Pigeon John". He's unstoppable.

My fingers are freezing, but Tdot in itself is not cold. It's like pre-summer up here! Well for Canadians. Anything *not* in the minus range (Celsius) is celebratory, by decking out in capris/shorts/gauchos and some kind of shoe exposing your toes and heels. Sans socks. Except for those dudes that wear Umbro that *insist* on wearing tube socks with sandals. They need to be executed!

And uhhh Matthew aka Mattchu...where the heck are you? I check online every second (ok, only about twice) to see if you're there and you're not. I thought you were good to go as of yesterday punk?

You suck.

I miss ya, actually. I think I shall write you an email. Yes, yes I will.

I'm feeling really weird lately. Like every thing that comes out of my mouth sounds and feels weird. Yeah, that seems weird doesn't it? I dunno. My grad photos are next week Wed. That's insane. I dunno if I should do something conventional or rock out my fro in all its rebellious and untamed power. I'm feeling the latter. No headwraps though. I've decided against that. People are really insisting that I'm a Muslimah and I'm *really* not. Why? Just cuz I got a serious face on most of the time? Cuz I dress nicely and not like a hooch? Cuz I wear black a lot of the time? Cuz I read the Qur'an?! Cuz I go to Islamic meetings!!!

...shutup.

Nah, I don't go to their meetings. I've been tempted to do so though. And be like "JESUS up in THIS PIECE!!!" And I hold up my Messianic chain like a holy gangsta. *making cross signs*

(I'd get shot.)

I wish I *would* do that though! For any non-Christian group. What would they do? That'd be interesting.

Don't worry, I'm not a bible thumper. In *fact* my universalist views and beliefs are growing. I'm growing into someone very, very new, and very, very different. I will reveal her soon. As soon as she's come out of her closed-mindedness, overall fright and abounding fear of what people will think. Cuz I'm tired of caring what everyone thinks, but unfortunately, I've been socialized that way. Like the rest of humanity. (Sans Jesus.)

I got CRAZY questions I want to throw at you all. Some of you will be really annoyed. Some of you won't bother to notice. And some of you, will truly engage in thoughtful debate with me. Thank you.

My current question is this...and it's really not sacrilegious, so doooon't even come to me with that. Check it:

What if, somehow through spiritual revelation, science, a new sacred text or something combing all three...we found out that JESUS and BUDDHA were the SAME PERSON?! What if the patches and pieces of history completely messed us up, and they were indeed one person?

How would you approach that? How would you handle it? Would you change your 'label' in faith? Would you just instantly reject the notion even though it would have been PROVEN?

Hollerate.

How this question came about, you may wonder?

Oh, just this. Captured my attention. Provoked my thought. It's amazing when you have to step out of your box to truly analyze what you've decided to put *inside* the box in the first place, get me?

Ok, I'm becoming colder, so this is my cue to sign off. Tre, I dislike you so much. lol. After all this time resisting Leela (because of the overhype on OKP) and now giving into her...I'm addicted. Especially to "Didn't I"...SCREAMS my life.

Alright everyone...upendo-ai. That is if y'all even get to READ this!

Abandoners.

No Shalom for you!

Current e-Motions: pretty lightheaded and silly. I'm laughing for silly reasons. (I need sleep.)
Wikked Riddims: Leela James - A Change is Gonna Come - "Didn't I" wow, story of my life AND Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better - "The Fallen" whooooo! the lyrics, are awesome.