| Mooshi mooshi! |

Whaddup, son sons? *cheese grins at Tre* *ice grills Adam*

Long time no blog, I know. Life is HECTIC. But lately I have been lounging more than usual. I just didn't feel like writing anything. I know right *gasp* the writer who doesn't want to write! What a paradox. Oxymoron...? Irony?! One of em.

Ummm, yeah. So what's up, how have y'all been? Cool? Bien? Shalom? Genki ii? Niiiice. I've been ok. Well not really ok, just aiiiight. There's been too much DEATH around me. I *hate* death and I've never been good at handling it. My cousin Roy died. My birds BOTH died. Coretta Scott King is now dead (A"H). My dad could have died. I mean he didn't and the chances were like 3/7000, but still. My pops went in for surgery on his left knee yesterday and is now recovering well. He finally decided to correct a 40 yr. old problem created by an accident when he was 20. Funny how stubborn people can be and how stubborn people can be funny.

There were a bunch of HOT young doctors on my dad's floor @ the hospital yesterday. Whooooo! Now I remember why I was considering medicine. Duh. I'm slow.

Ugh.

Can I be grossly honest with you all?

I really, really need love. Like LL Cool J. Seriously. I haven't been in a beautiful, flowing, rose-tinted committed relationship since *muffled date* Yeah. It's been WAY too long.

*sigh*

And now, if/when I develop feelings for someone, I don't even TRUST myself. I'm not even sure if I'm sincere with how I feel. Cuz deep down I'm convinced it's backed by desperation or some kind of anxiety.

I don't wanna be one of those Terry McMillan type desperate wenches. Yeah, that's harsh but that's real. Seriously. Like I remember saying last time I had feelings for my best friend, Migs. Ehhhhh, that's like incest almost! And someone else? I don't even remember who it was lol. And who else, some messed up dude? Pass on aaaaall of that! See why I can't trust myself?

Maybe I *do* need a shadchan! *grins at Cliff* And Cliff thanks for letting me know where your new blog home is. I like the 'timekeeper' theme, that's dope. And my list has no particular order at all. I shift people around according to how often I read their blogs, I think. I put you more to the bottom ever since 'forrestfire' died and I was floating in the cyber'hood wonder where you disappeared to. Anyway, I need to email you about something personal, re: my list. I'll do that soon so be on the lookout. Oh yeah and PM Stephen Harper (he won) is by NO means kosher. You'll see what I mean in about 3 months time. $81 million for YOUTH incarceration centres!?! Are you kidding me? When these kids have to RENT school books?! Don't even get me started.

So yeah, back to my honesty...

I just want something real. Something that captivates my heart. Something that doesn't completely have me slanted or lopsided where I'm so caught up in the fantasy of it, I forget where my reality begins or ends. Even though that fanciful love is nice, I think I'm too old for that now. I want something organic.

A boho would be nice. hahahaha.

Honestly though. I think I'm expiring. My fresh before date is coming up with the quickness. So it's either you plant me in some rich, nutrient soil or I'll dry up and wither away.

Oh my goodness, and I've noticed a disturbing trend. It seems like my ex's and/or men I've been on the brink with developing relationships with, have all becomes 'gods'. Yeah. "I self am Allah, no one greater." They've all joined the NGE! What have I done? Did a relationship with me shatter their mental health?

Krish Allah, well duh, he's always been interested in the NGE. But after the fallout with him and I, he became a full-fledged god. Then there's 'Los, who's always been a lil eccentric *cough* crazy *cough*. He's now a god too. And finally, Tristan. Yup, Mr. Multiethnic himself is now a god. I don't know how he managed to pull that off, I thought you needed a good amount of melanin to be one...? With his translucent self. And blue-green-grey eyes? Maybe they use him as a 'white devil' mascot.

So that's 3/6. Well 7. Since Krish and I weren't official and neither was *muffled name* and I. But that's 2/5 boyfriends. That's an ignominious statistic.

Don't date me!

Actually, please do.

This whole post is making me wanna hurl.

I need to change my layout soon. If someone could help me find something simple, clean, minimal and possibly ad-free, I'd love you for life.

Oh and that's something else I've been pondering, since I analyze the plight of humankind daily. Ummm...is it *really* possible to love someone forever? Is there that *one* person, that's passed through everyone's life that they truly will love for all time? And what if you *dont* end up with that person, does that mean you don't *really* love the person you end up with? Does that mean you're purposefully denying the deep-rooted truth of a love you wish you could have? What if it's one-sided love, does it still count? Can you hold more than one person in your heart at a time? Does that mean you're an emotional bigamist?

No one has the answers. All I know is what I feel. And I'm upset that I feel this way.

I've been dreaming dreams of dreams that are driving me insane. I'm an emotional person. I'd like to assume most of you know this, but actually most of you don't. Yeah, I'm an emotional wasteland full of tumbleweeded passion, sorrow and sometimes, rarely, joy. So lately, I've been having these HEAVY dreams. I wake up and they cloud my mind and wrap around my heart so tightly. I'll carry around what I felt in that dream for DAYS. Weeks even. And they make me absolutely irrational in my waking life. So I then wonder if these dreams are something I need to pay attention to, or if my subconscious is playing games with me.

It's just so strange...and I wish they would stop. I just want some peace. I want to think minimally for once. I'm the biggest transgressor of my newly found mantra.

Ehhhhh *vomit*

This post makes me vulnerable. Therefore, I shall go back into hiding. Kung Hie Fat Choy, btw!

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Hebrew and Japanese Words of the Day:

B"N
B'li Neder
Translation: Without taking a vow
Used after a promise, since failure to fulfill a promise is a serious violation of Jewish law. For example, "I'll check that reference tomorrow, B"N." (i.e., if I forget, I don't want to be liable under Jewish law).

Tsukaremashita. Nemui desu.
I'm tired. I'm sleepy.

Current e-Motions: ?!
Today's Riddims: Zero 7 - Polaris

PS. Make sure y'all check out the Excalibur (in my linkas) next month (as in a few days). Your homegirl's got a crazy article in there, plus a poem. hoohoohoohoo! (c) tigger.

PPS. Ummm did I mention that I'm going to marry this man?:

*shivers* It's the dreads. It's aaaalways the dreads. Y'all know Jeff anyway, maaaaan. The only decent thing on BET is his show - The Jeff Johnson Chronicles. *swoon*

| Meet Prince n' Flower n' some otha stuff. |

My celly isn't letting me take too many pics, cuz I used up most of my storage. But I still managed to get one with them perching together. The white one is Flower (left) and the beige one is Prince (right). They're both female, but my niece named em, so using the correct pronouns really doesn't apply here since she defies the rule all the time. i.e. "Auntie, Micah hit me at school today and she, and she told the teacher and he, he, he told me to stop bothering her."

My niece is a grammar rebel.

lol, kids are hilarious with that out-of-breath talk. Like they end up repeating themselves five times in one sentence and it takes aaaaall of their energy to get it out. And their lil nostrils flare and their eyes dart all over the place, especially when they're lying.

I think I may want kids someday.

MAYBE.

But for now I own two Zebra finches who are the freakin centre of my joy. I tried to feed them some spinach, but Flower got too hyper and Prince wasn't having it. Prince kept jumping on the swing so the little fragment of spinach would fall to the ground. THEN that wench-bird had the nerve to eat it off the ground after I turned around and sent a text on my phone. Heffa.

I love em!








*swoon*

I also dl'ed Prince of Persia on my cell. I couldn't resist it. $7!!!! I'm just gonna buy the game for my PS2, it's over. I've officially become a 'gamer'. I feel like such an uber loser. I talked to this random 'gamer' in EB Games today about POP for like 20 minutes, and I didn't even KNOW the dude. Then he started talking about Halo2 and lost me. I'm not THAT deep into it now. I have a life. Sorta.

School is going well. It's pretty light so far, actually this semester is going to be light overall. Well, besides finals in April. That's gonna be like the battle at Meggido.

I FINALLY HANDED IN MY APPLICATION TO GRADUATE!

Hehehehehee! That felt fantastic. I just pray it all works out in June. And yeah, it will.

Oh yeah I got a gig with CampusX too, recently. That issue will be out in March, I'll keep y'all posted. I added them on mah linkas.

Ummmm...I'm gonna get paid $100 to do an 'on the street' interview for DOSE! Yaaaaay! Now I've got my foot in the door. I have to sell myself and my writing when I meet this staff writer. It's ON. If I could work for them after I graduate, I *might* put -- no no, scratch that. The only paper I'd put Japan on hold for is either the Toronto Star, or National Post. lol, Soli don't beat me up now!

Heck, even Essence. *vomit* Sorry, I mean TimeWarner.

The Canadian Federal Elections are coming up. And since my audience is primarily American, I'll just skip right over that subject. Just keep it in your minds. Cuz if Stephen Harper (Conservative) wins, Canada and the US will be buddies again. More than that, cousins. This dude is so intent on repairing the Liberal-ruined relations with the US he'll whore Canada out as much as he can to do it. I won't be surprised if we end up with US currency in like 5 years time. WOW. Now THAT will keep me in Canada for good.

MAYBE.

Nah, forget it. I HATE here now. At least Toronto. I'm gonna move to the Bahamas. They use US currency right? Or at least something equal to it. And it's warm and friendly there. And their government is run by a bunch of moral, decent, rum-drink making, spiritual black folk too?! I'm THERE. I'll holler at Myles Monroe as soon as I land.

My aunt in VA is doing better (she has/had leukemia) and my cousins are becoming more responsible. OHHHHH and my younger cousin Christina, who's supposed to be my mini-me is on some other stuff. This girl is trickin', okay? Like...*sigh* She's using sex to get things from men. Period. She's 15. FIFTEEN. The dudes she's messing with are like 24, 25, etc. Nuff said. I'm going to cry if I talk about it...but maybe I need to.

She's brilliant, and gorgeous and (used to be) spiritual and very committed to her mom, school, friends, etc. Which is why she was ME, ahem. NOW? I dunno what happened to her. No, I do. My bleeping uncle, that's who. Long story short, my uncle divorced my aunt because he cheated on her, started a whole different family while married to her, my aunt had a female intuition hunch, followed him one day, when he left broke into his 'other' house, rummaged through his stuff, finally had enough proof he was living a double life, the news devastated my entire family and I believe caused my beloved grandmother to die prematurely, and at the pinnacle of all these events, the child he had with his then-mistress-now-wife ended up dying in a car accident a year after my grandma died.

Yeah. Don't act like your fam doesn't have Jerry Springer drama too.

I don't know how to reach out to my cous, man. I'm not supposed to KNOW this information, but my sister kinda put two and two together when she was in VA 2 weeks ago. She needs a slap in her face, and I'll punch her, believe me I will.

She's so much BETTER than this. Is she that desperate for male affection? Did my uncle screw her over that badly? In my family - and this is a West Indian thing, generally at least - the men in the household rarely develop relationships with their daughters. Maybe the oldest daughter, but never the younger one. My dad and I barely have anything that could be called 'relationship', and I'm the youngest child. And just like me, the same mess happened to Christina, but 10 million times worse.

UGH. We need to have an international family meeting, that's it. I'm gonna call my loud mouth Aunt Heather. She'll start enough commotion to make it happen. Or I can just wait to see them at the end of April, as planned.

*shakes head*

And with that I've become tired, finally. I had tekkappamaki with aka miso today. Yuummmmmm. I should've had gyoza with it also, but they deep fry it all, ick. All I'm gonna do is tabemasu nihon-ryoori in Japan. Yeeeeah, I'm joozi in FOUR languages now. *pops collar*

Ja mata!

*Japanese* Words of the Day:

Tetsudaimashoo ka?
Do you need a hand? (lit. Shall I help you?)

Ee, onegaishimasu!
Yes, I would appreciate it. (lit. Please help me.)


Current e-Motions: I'm aiiiight. It's kinda cold in the family room with hardwood on the floor now, dang.
Today's Riddims: Jeremy Enigk - United States of Leland Soundtrack - "Ballroom Blitz"

| Hola! |

Happy (Gregorian) New Years to you and yours! I hope everyone has a safe, happy, healthy and successful 2006. Y'all aint seen nuffin yet! And that's both good and bad, trust. But it's about to be an amazing year for me though, many breakthroughs have already started to unfold in my life. B"H.

2005 was a very eventful year.
^ check out this recap my homie Souli wrote, best one I've seen for 2005.

Talking to Matthew saddens me. Like to have a former New Orleans resident as your friend gives you such a realistic view on how devistating that disaster was and still is. Can you imagine just feeling perpetually displaced? I can't even fathom it. I feel so bad for him, and I wish there was something I could do to help. But it's hard when you can't solve your friends problems, especially when it's an emotional issue. All I can do is be a listening ear, I guess. He really does deserve so much more...he hasn't had the easiest life. It would be great if y'all could include him in your prayers. Gracias :)

And in other news...

Is it bad that I'm currently *swooning* over 3 guys? lol, I mean it's not that serious, but..*swooooon* One of them is like...well, is probably the most suitable. And he's...*swoon* At first I was kinda resisting it, but now I see that this one is potentially phenomenal.

The other one, is my former best friend whom I'm currently in the process of becoming best friends again with. I mean, it's not the first time I've liked him. I used to like him back in 6th and 7th grade too, lol. Then he just kept me as a friend and ended up dating that wench Olympia. Hahaha, she was cool peoples though. I wonder where she is actually..hmmm. Anyway, as we're reconnecting, I realize how much we have in common. It's scary almost. I remember back in the day we used to finish each other's sentences. Now THAT was scary. A result of hanging around with someone too much...or just a really close connection. A lil of both.

And lastly, guy number 3, no comment. He's a mess. I always have to have a messed up one huh? lol.
But I realize what his problem is now. I don't think he even knows.

Oh and Greg finally decided to let me know he's alive. Maaan, I was thinking a whole bunch of sensational mess about him while he was missing. And like he said, he knows how 'creative' I am, so you know I was thinking some far-out stuff. Anyway he's ok - physically. Mentally and emotionally, that's ANOTHER story. If I didn't care so much about him, I'd seriously cut off all ties to him. Honestly. Wait a minute, I think I've done that before lol. I was being mean then though. I realize he needs some support and once again, a listening ear.

Sheesh, I'm becoming Dr. Phil.

Ok it's bad that I'm writing this, talking to some other people, fully knowing I have a grossly overdue essay to do? Plus, I need to eat. So I'm gonna wrap this up. Plus, I should be preparing for class tomorrow. Bwahahaha, like I'm gonna go!

Holler at y'all another time.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

(L')Shanah Tovah



(shah-nah toh-VAH) phr. Lit. “Good Year,” “Happy New Year!” Usually said during Rosh HaShanah. L'Shanah Tovah Tikatevu is a phrase customarily said on the Jewish New Year and means "May you be inscribed (in the Book of Life) for a good year!”

Current e-Motions: feeling like a procrastinator...but aside from that...gooooooood :)
Today's Riddims: Fall Out Boy (ahhhhhhh! Gabi I love em! lol) - Grand Theft Autumn