| Ring ring !? |

Liiiieeeesssss, I DO care.

Call me, call me, call me! And no, I'm not gonna call dangit.

I don't care how many things I gotta do, this fool better call. (Though he's repsecting what I said when I told him 'calling me for the next few weeks isn't a good idea, cuz i have sooo much to do' < style="font-weight: bold;">blacked out when he said Maryland. I know toooo many knuckleheads *cough* Carlos, Rico, Ev *cough* from there. Wait, Adam you're originally from MD too! Snap, how did I forget that? You blend in too well with the Phillyvibe. And you never came off as a Murderland head to me, anyway. Maybe it's because you're a geek.

Dang, I'm a sucker.

Lonely people should never meet wonderful people lol.

If I had met a loser I'd feel so much better.
Cuz I'm used to that.


And you done know I wrote him a poem.

Hehehehee :) Couldn't help it! And it's actually a poem, haven't done an 'official' one of those since this past spring.

I've been itching to write a poem for someone new, and here it is. I probably could've written this one beforehand too, since it comes off that way. It has bits of pieces of what happened, but there's an anticipation in it that didn't happen (cuz he and I didn't even hesitate to converse with each other), but I like the sense of innocence in it. Has a demure-like quality even.

Am I gonna post it?


Ugh, I feel vulnerable.



That's one of the best words ever made-up. *swoon* Or no, it's not a word per se, it's ummm...what's it called...uhhh, the 'o' word....oh yeah! Onomatopoeia...yessss, that's it. Wow, go English major.

Dang...I can't forget his eyes, son son.

*trying to maintain gangsterdom*

Ayo, son, dude's eyes were like shining and ish son, f'real. Like all glisteny like, god. I'm sayin yo, dude was like the most captivating presence...

HAHAHA, what gangster says 'captivating presence.' Wow, I can't even front.

This calls for a Dwele song....hmmm actually, I'll give it a couple weeks before alladat. I take Dwele way too seriously for aaaaalladis.

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:


(mam-MAHSH) n. Essential thing; reality; concreteness; 2) adv. Really; truly (“It was mammash a miracle!”).

Current e-Motions: I need to stop swooning and do some serious homework. I hate this! (read: lies! I love it! hehehee)
Today's Riddims: Errika Dixon feat. my home-god Krish 'Sincere' Allah! - So Simple (click clicka)


| 23. |

Yes today is my birthday. Bye-bye 22, hello hell 23.

Adam, have I told you for the Nth time that I loves me some you?


Ok, good.


Unlike the rest of you!! Some of you I don't blame, cuz you either a) didn't know when my birthday was or b) knew about it, but just didnt have the opportunity to call and/or were crying at the idea of calling someone "international." or even c) don't know me like that and/or don't even have my number(s).

And that's COOL. And we're still cool, cuz I'm not asking much from y'all.

But those on my hate list. NOT COOL. Some of you, might have a shortage on funds, but even so, send a gotdang EMAIL if you're so cheap you can't afford to call.

I almost put Jason on my hate list, but alas, he sent me an email. Thank you J :)

Even so, I'm not upset. I have adopted something I've learned from the Dalai Lama: "Expect nothing, detach from everything."

It's so easy. It makes life very, very simple. And disappointments? Vanished.

Anyway, other than that...today was a great day! I went to my friend Junior's wedding. And Adam, remember how I told you earlier that it WASNT a Jamaican wedding? WRONG. I mean it wasn't Jamaican, but it dang sure was Trinidadian to the MAX. I was loving it, crazy jokes and maaaad food. Y'all would've been glued to the kitchen. I couldn't eat anything but salad and breadsticks, but I could tell the oleaginous, grease fest of food was wickedly delicious.

Oh oh oh...and I met me someonnnneee. Whoooo, gotta love being single and going to a wedding. Hehehehee. He's so dang COOL. Very geniune guy. And he can saaaaang! *swoon* He sang two solos during the ceremony, and he happens to be my boy's cousin. That was a lil wild.

The setback with homeboy: He lives in Jersey. Crap! Why is it I gotta meet the one dude NOT from here? *sigh* It never fails. But I dunno, we have each other's numbers, so we'll see. And honestly, I don't even CARE at this point. School is taking up so much of my time, and the other bits of time I have left is for work, The Lex and sleep. I barely see my fam, unless I purposely take the time to slack off from any of the former (which would be school, of course).

I have essays coming out of my skin!! Especially this one research paper: 20+ pages, how grand. Luckily though, I got sick recently. I have a sweet doctor's note that excuses me from many handed-in-lates and/or not-handed-in-at-all's. Mwauahahaha, go Canadian health system!

Anyway, tonight was Soul-i's going away whatnot, and I'm so sorry I couldn't make it, I hope she got my email. Hopefully she and I can meet up in the not so distant future, IY"H. I know she'll have hilarious stories and pics for me though.

Cliff, you are...exquisite. I dunno how else to describe that masterpiece called Pearl. There's a lot of references I get, and it's wonderful to see how smoothly you incorperated them into the monologue. I do have to read it over again though, and give you more detailed commentary. Life is so crammed right now, I can't even enjoy your literary genius.

Tonight was also a Dub Poets Collective slam which I wanna cry about missing. Pero, my cousin knows a bunch of the people who helped organize it, and she's gonna hook me up with a meet and greet with a few of the artists. Whoo-hoo!

Ok, that's it I think. Today wasn't about me at all, but at the same time I enjoyed it. I had fun, got a few phonecalls from friends and fam, met a great guy, and that's that. Oh and did I mention I have these dope Beyonce-circa-2002-braids in my hair now?

She's sexy! (c) Pharrell.

Shabbat Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:


(kha-too-NAH) n. Jewish wedding. Chatan is the groom; Kalah is the bride; Edim are witnesses. The elements of a Jewish wedding normally include the following: one chosson (the groom), one kallah (the bride), and a ceremony sometimes referred to as kiddushin. Separate steps usually accompany a traditional wedding:
  1. Shidduch - it's a match!
  2. Vort - formal engagement
  3. Ketubah - marriage contract
  4. Bedekin - the visit from the chosson to the veiled bride (after a week of no contact after the engagement)
  5. Chuppah - the wedding canopy
  6. Kiddushin - The giving of the ring
  7. Sheva brachot - seven blessings recited over the couple
  8. Breaking of the glass - remembering the exile even in our joy
  9. Cheder yichud - "room of privacy" - the closed room where bride and groom are together for the first time. Normally they share a meal here, directly after the ceremony.
  10. The reception - dancing, music, etc.

Current e-Motions: *swoooooooon* I wonder when he's gonna call...
Today's Riddims: Musiq - Just Friends


| ADAM!!!! |

I was in the middle of an EXAM fool! lol, I love how you call me at these obscure times.

2pm!!! I'm fully in class man. And what made today even better? I didn't turn off the ringer on my phone, because *sigh* no one calls me anyway, so I kept it on thinking it wouldn't matter. Wrong move! So right as I'm about to approach this stupid question on Richard Rolle and Hadewijch of Brabant, THE WHOLE LECTURE ROOM HEARS:

"EVERYBODY 1-2 step, I LOVE it when you 1-2 step...we're about to geeeet it ooooon!"

Yeah I have Ciara as my ringtone, BITE me.

That's her on the right, mind you. She looks a lil mannish in that pic, no? Dang.

Anyway, so I'm here fumbling to turn it off. And it was LOUD too, because I had my cell on the desktop as a clock to check my time.

Luckily, my prof was cool. She just shrugged it off and did one of those indirect comments 'May I remind you all to PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES IN THE LECURE HALL'...

LOL. I wasn't embarassed...that much. That's not the first time it's happened to me, but this was the first time it happened in a room full of 200+ students. Oh yeah, gotta love that.

At least some of em were singing it.

Hahahaha, and this is the class I barely go to, too. I'm sure they all know me now.

But I know you'll call me back, on MY REAL BIRTHDAY, which is next week FRIDAY. You have the worst calendar in the world. I'd rather you have a CP time calendar, than just a CRAPPY one.

I still love you though. You just ALWAYS manage to get me at bad times...or rather, not get me at all. hee hee.

How about I call YOU next time, ok? (That is, AFTER my birthday, sucka.)

Shalom, chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:


(tse-dah-KAH) n. Charity; Benevolence; Justice.

Current e-Motions: *sigh*...writing an essay...one of 3 I have to write in less than a week which = 32+ pages of writing. *grumbles*
Today's Riddims: that song that was on The Apprentice tonight, by that Nigerian dude. Jide, I think? That song was hot.


| Shutup, I like Surveys |

You're an Indie Pop Kid. You like songs about
relationships and the prettiness of nature.
You're sentimental, but certainly not emo.
Oh, and if you aren't an English Major, you
should be.

You Know Yer Indie. Let's Sub-Categorize.
brought to you by Quizilla

Boooo, I'd like to think of myself as emo...at times. Well...blah. The English major thing...creepy.

Bands // Song Titles
Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band::Esthero!
Are you female or male::That Girl
Describe yourself::Brave Bear Woman
How do some people feel about you::Wikked Lil Grrl(s)
How do you feel about yourself::Half A World Away
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend::Bad Boy Clyde
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend::N/A, but if I had one he'd be: Indigo Boy
Describe where you want to be::Country Livin (The World I Know)
Describe what you want to be::Superhero(es)
Describe how you live::Lounge
Describe how you love::Blanket Me In You
Share a few words of wisdom::We R In Need of a Musical Revolution
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d

Ok, it's official. I have a girl-crush on Esthero. I think I have for a while now, just didn't wanna admit it. I think I dig her because if I was a soultress-trip hop white girl from tha Tdot, I'd wanna be her.

And what ever happened to DOC (on the right, duh) with his fine self?! I know he's hiding somewhere in Toronto. I'm gonna find him, hee hee.

Ok last one...

130 Things People Want To Know About You
.: The Basics :.
Gender?:Femme fatale
Hair color?:burgundy with dark brown roots lol
Eye color?:darkest brown
shoe size?:ha!
height?:5'6 and a half
interests::anything illegal.
.: Favourites :.
food:currently: thai green curried potatoes and lentils with jasmine basmati rice.
drink:nestea iced tea
music style:everythang.
music artist/band:COLDPLAY.
tv show:Girlfriends and ANTM
movie:too hard to pin down just one.
thing to do:sleep, sing, some sort of art, share profound and obscure thoughts
ice cream:currently: butterscotch soyscream
colour:orange and yellow!
song:currently: X&Y - Coldplay tied with Lounge - Esthero
book:Breathe Eyes Memory
computer game:none. video game? Soul Calibur 3 and Tekken 5 tied
board game:chess!
dessert:currently: fruit and yogurt
quote:"i hate quotations" (c) TS Eliot
animal:a kitty!
holiday:New Year's day, both Gregorian and Hebrew
name:hmm...i dunno. Siddhartha!
.: Friendship :.:!!!!
who's your best friend?:nobody *sniff*
other close buddies...?:The Collective(TM), Keisha, Tai, Chris, Beth, Migs, Ksu
last friend you hung out with:Shallene
last friend you hugged:Naila
last friend you saw a movie with:Migs, no wait, Tammy.
last friend's house you went to:Hope's
any friends you cant stand?:all of em.
any friends you've regretted becoming friends with?:ummm...
if so, who?:welll....
do you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex?:i used to.
most annoying friend?:probably Ev.
most preppy friend?:Keisha, hands down. what a snob lol.
darkest friend?:darkest? lol, as in subculture dark? Ksu.
hyper-est friend?:no one, I'M the hyper one.
nicest friend?:im not sure
funniest friend?:all of em are hilarious
meanest friend?:all of them are equally mean
most outgoing friend?:Beth and Migs
shyest friend?:Tai and Shallene tied
hottest friend?:Matthew and D, tied.
friend with the best personality?:um hello, that's me.
friend with the best music taste?:none of em, I'M that friend lol.
friend who sings the best?:me again
friend who laughs the most?:yup, me again
friend you enjoy being around the most?:Migs
friend who your parents love?:Migs
friend who your parents hate?:Chris, lol.
friend your parents don't know about?:a few of em...
.: Romance :.
got a crush/boyfriend?:I aaaaalways have a crush or two..or more lol.
if so, what gender?:it's a dude
how far have you gone?:with what?
with who?:say what now?
the last person you kissed::N/A
the last person you hugged::N/A
the last person you wanted to kiss::ooooo...
how far you do want to go (at this point in life)?:i dont even know what i want at this point in life with this or these particular mens.
hottest friend?:Matthew, D annnnd let's throw in Greg for some levening lol.
hottest celebrity?:CHRIS MARTIN.
if you could date any famous person, who would it be?:see above and also Jeffery Johnson, tho he isnt really a celeb.
dream date::anywhere with Jeffery Johnson.
dream honeymoon::N/A
age you want to get married (if not already):ick!
number of kids you want to have (if not already):i dont know.
straight?:im straight.
gay?:nah, son
bi?:no, boss
would you rather your boyfriend/girlfriend be gay or bi?:neither, homie.
.: This or That :.
Kerry or Bush:Paul Martin! lol.
rap or rock:soooooooul.
pop or country:country, dixie chicks are dope.
movie or tv show:films, my dear.
girl or guy:guy, duh.
fire or water:fiiiiyaahhhh.
death or life:life, abundantly
cheerleader or punk:cheeleader punk, that'd be crazy.
prep or jock:prep, aaaaall the way.
kroger or publix:hmmm?
walmart or target:target
avril or jay-z:ugh.
pink or black:black
cheez it or cheese nip:cheez it
cat or dog:kitty!
tape or glue:glue
msn or aim:aim
mall or movies:film festivals
writing or typing:both
phone or computer:in person
baseball or football:basketball
p.e. or health:skipping both.
high school or middle school:high schoooool, dang i miss it.
dunkin donuts or starbucks:starbucks!
amc or united artists:united artists
walgreens or CVS:neither.
brownies or cookies:brownies *sobs*
reading or writing:both
surveys or polls:both
livejournal or xanga:LJ!
Yellowcard or Ashlee Simpson:ewwww.
AFI or Jojo:AFI
Green Day or Beastie Boys:Green Day
kill or be killed:neither, im a pacifist.
eat or be eaten:eat!
hate or be hated:be hated...you can hate me now (c) Diddy/Nas
ocean or pool:ocean *swoon*
singing or dancing:singing whilst dancing
heart or peace sign:heart in a peace sign
halloween or christmas:neither
question or answer:question
fear factor or the o.c.:fear factor
the simpsons or who's line is it anyway?:who's line is it...maaaan i miss that show.
Disney or The N:neither
pancakes or waffles:pancakes
strawberrys or blueberrys:blueberries
yogurt or frozen yogurt:frozen yogurt
kiss or hug:both please...now.
guitar or drums:drums, all the freakin way.
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d

Yeah, now I need to go to sleep. Bonsoir, mes amis.

I'm addicted to Soul Calibur III *sobs* Curses to you, PS2, curses! Btw, I haaaate you cocky XBox 360 owners. UGH. Get away with your 'ultimate entertainment experience' selves. And your sexy looking game system. Elitists! Hmph.


| *screeeeeeeeech* |

WHO was THAT? I mean who was that person, last entry? Abby McApathy? Wow.

Let's erase that sad, sad woman from our memories and gigabytes, shall we?

Bon, commencent.

Hahaha, there were these little French tests we used to take in elementary school, and even in 9th grade French class, that used to start like that: 'Bon, commencent!" And they'd ask a question in our cahier d'activite and the pre-recorded voice would say 'vrai au faux?'

Hahahaha. All my Canadian heads will understand.

Ugh, I HATE(D) French. Glad that's over with.

Learning Japanese is soooo fun. I found a few sites/books that let you pick up conversational tidbits, and I've been using them sorta kinda. Alongside Hebrew/Yiddish. Alongside Spanish. Dang, I should be like an interpreter later on in my career(s) or something. And work for the government. And plan tons of fanciful, cleverly orchestrated subterfuge against The Man(TM) with so-called 'Third World' countries.

*thinking anti-imperialist, anarchic thoughts* Mwahahahahaha!

Sorry. I guess I've been watching the France riots on the news too much.

So yeah. Ummm, York didn't go on strike, thank God. I almost had lock jaw the night before the decision was made. I was stressing SO MUCH about it, you have no idea.

So now my teeth are acting up. Too much stress. I'm going to see a dentist tomorrow, today rather. Crap. I've been living off of Motrin for the last few days. Also that stuff that numbs your gums, that babies use when they're teething. Can't remember the name.

Ohhhhhh and guess who went to a CeCe Winans concert on Sat!! That was DOPE beyond belief. I have pics but they're blurry. Ugh, the seating arrangment was disgusting. We were all packed in like sardines, in a auditorium that's made for 2000, and there were about 2,800 there. Uh huh. Then the line up to get in. Um, hello, why did I have to line up for 1 hour to get into a concert I bought pre-paid tix for? Yeah, that's Canadian event planning for you. And I had the nerve to wear my high-high choco brown boots. Mah sexay boots. But they hurt like hell, ummm after about an HOUR.

I still danced the night away in em though. She was amazing. And she's even more purdy in person! And there was a point where she stopped the music, in the middle of singing 'Alabaster Box' and was like "ok, y'all need to stop with the pictures, I'm here to worship, and y'all should be too." W-o-w.

There's more I wanna say, but it all slips me now.

I'm feeling much better y'all. Thanks to HaElyon. Thanks to enlightenment. Thanks to my hormones stabilizing. Thanks to my creativity coming back to life. Thanks to Lawrence Christopher, (this DOPE author!) thinking MY writing is the ishy-ish! Thanks to The Excalibur for having new Staff Writer openings! And finally, thanks to ADAM. I loooovee yooooou! I just read your emails, hee hee. You're the best. Like I always knew you were the best, but now you're even MORE the best. The bestest best.

"Thank heaven for you..." (c) Esthero


After typing out best so many times, I realize how ugly a word it is, considering its purpose is to describe someone/something above and beyond. "Best." Ewwww...it should be related to cows somehow. Bovine. Dairy. Don't ask me why I think that.

Question: Would it show a lack of loyalty to dump The Lexicon and go write for The Excalibur instead? I mean it IS York's numero uno paper (Lex is a cool second). Plus you get PAID. And I can work with them AFTER I graduate. Hmmm...I ponder such things.

I'm reading Kathy Acker for class. I feel insanely challenged. I'm writing so much, I jot stuff down in my sleep.

Yet, I still manage to not do much homework.

"My life is brilliant..." (c) James Blunt

Shalom Chaiyim, chaverim!

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Nacham (to comfort)

Current e-Motions:
soooo much betteeeerrrr! I needed to be an artist again, I forgot I was. And I finally have another so-called 'life plan', with GOALS! I had retired those in haste (and disbelief).
Today's Riddims: Esthero - Breath From Another - "Lounge" AND Coldplay - Parachutes - "High Speed"

PS. I realize I haven't replied to comments on here lately. Sorry about that everyone, I'm a jerk. I've read, laughed at, thought about and enjoyed all of them. I'll resume my commentary soon :) And write Souli a blinkin email! lol. And yes, you too Jason.


| Must be nice (c) Lyfe |

I'm sad today. Again. Perpetually.

It would be nice to leave this place right now. Go to Tibet and chill with the monks or something.

It would be nice to have someone listen to me. Sincerely. Attentively. For like 5 minutes straight.

It would be nice if I trusted people enough to share things with them. Stop being so secretive. And evasive. And elusive. (I'm sorry.)

It would be nice to be appreciated.

It would be nice to be honored.

It would be nice if Americans spelled honored with a "u".

It would be nice to witness the eradication of fake thugs, worldwide.

It would be nice to stop putting labels on people. On faiths. On beliefs. On God.

It would be nice if I wasn't such a hypocrite.

It would be nice to stop loving everyone and everything so hard.

It would be nice to not be so passionate about everyone and everything.

It would be nice to have someone hold my hand for a day.

It would be nice to have a hug that lasted all day.

It would be nice to stop mourning him. And him. And him. And him. And him. Hmm, and him too.

It would be nice to fall asleep at night without sleeping pills.

It would be nice if my teeth didn't hurt all day cuz I was biting down on them all night.

It would be nice to not stress myself so much.

It would be nice if I went to class everyday that I have class.

It would be nice if I was sexy sexier.

It would be nice if everyone had keen fashion sense.

It would be nice if I'd stop apologizing for who I am, will be.

It would be nice if I had what I needed. Usually you can buy wants.

It would be nice not to sleep in an empty bed anymore.

It would be nice if I met The Him(TM) today.

It would be nice if I knew whether or not The Him(TM) existed.

It would be nice if I could kick his a** for taking so long to show up.

It would be nice if I could be a nomad. Or a painter. Or a streetside poet.

It would be nice if I stopped caring what people thought or think about me.

It would be nice to stop regretting things that can't change. Or missed chances, opportunities and make-it-rights.

It would be nice if my birthday wasn't in 3 weeks.

It would be nice if I ended this 'it would be nice' series, right now.

Au revoir.

Shalom(?), chaverim.

Hebrew Word of the Day:


Current e-Motions: meh.
Today's Riddims: I didn't even listen to music today.