2.20.2006

| thisisarantthisisaramble (read at your own risk) |



I'm not enjoying life right now. There's too much pressure, there's too much to do. There's too much expected of me and I can't *handle* all of this at this point. It's my last freakin year in university and I have so many *other* things to deal with in my face and it's extremely unfair and inconsiderate. I'm slacking on school, cuz there's SO many family issues to deal with. I'm scared I'm gonna fail all my classes. I'm scared I won't graduate. I'm scared I'm gonna be a failure. I don't know what to do. I blame my mom. I blame my sister. I may be being a brat, I may be being inconsiderate myself. I can't weigh the ethics of it all, all I know is I'm tired of being unhappy. I'm tired of my hair falling out due to limitless amounts of stress. I'm very, very unhappy. Everyone who has a soul can see that this girl (read: me) is angry, annoyed, tired, restless, lost and confused. I'm harbouring resentment. I'm harbouring unforgiveness. Yeah, sue me, I'm human too. I can't always be *good* all the time. There's time I don't wanna have to be the bigger person and do the right thing. I wanna scream at the top of my lungs in bitter protest:

It's just all too much!!!!!!!

I need peace.
I need rest.
I need quiet.
I need time to BREATHE.
I need solace.
I need people.



I need a hug.


Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.


Current e-Motions: all of the above.
Wikked Riddims: Stars - Set Yourself on Fire - "The Big Fight"

4 comments:

jasdye said...

awww, li'l lisa.

i do believe that is your first nod in that quintessential show's existence.

on another note, i think i found out why i've been so exhaustively emotional recently. i've surrounded myself with too many females.

you're a survivor, sweetie. you'll do fine. take it from another survivor.

Kurisuteen Kaneshiro said...

Females are good for the rugged male soul. Celebrate your feelings, punk.

'Survivor'...is that a vague reference to Destiny's Child, which in turn be a ref. to Michelle 'im on the crack diet' Williams? lol. I forget she's now irrelevant.

I feel *much* better today. I was really feeling Lisa's 8 yr old angry angsty genius frustration, but alas, a new day has brought new wonders to my life. God.never.fails. (why do I forget that?)

Thanks for the encouragement J :) Hey did you know your name in Kanji (Japanese script) means 'healer'? Dope.

jasdye said...

it means that in the original too (Greek). although i found the legendary Jason was a big wuss.

and no, i'm talking about the real world. i don't think that beyonce and my ex- and the other one-what'sherface?- are real survivors. just as they're not looking for real thugs.

amen, God always heals. jeff johnson or not (isn't he the flute player/instrumentalist?).

Kurisuteen Kaneshiro said...

Noooo J, he's not that flute player dude. He's a civil rights leader/activist, and currently has the ONLY decent show on BET. A

And no, Jeff didn't make my life better, God certainly did. Jeff was just a by product of God's goodness :)