| Bored Without Stress |

Let's be real: I'm usually frantic about something. My exterior forever in tact (cuz I can pull of *looking* calm REAL easily), underneath I tend to stress about a lot of things. The last 10 years of my life have been built and demolished by stress.

So now...to be at a point where my health is back in order. I'm finito with school. I'm on my way to Japan in a matter of months. Not having to be at work until next month....maaaaan...

I'M BORED OUTTA MY MIND!

Yeah I know I'm recovering, I'm supposed to take it easy and such, but I need to DO something. I did half a workout today just because I've had enough. Ok it wasn't half, just like the warmup and then 3 minutes of cardio, shutup. But nonetheless, I just can't take having nothing to do. And even moreso, nothing to be worried about.

I'm a worrier, tried and true. Doesn't mean I don't have faith, I just tend to be concerned about eeeeverything all at once. And then I'm a sensationalist, and make it seem like it's more of a problem than it is. Theeeen, if it really looks bad, I'm a fatalist. Believing all that I am and will become is doomed.

But that cycle of madness is over, B"H. NOW what am I gonna do? I don't know how to live having nothing to worry about. I know that sounds creepy but it's true. I'm having the worst insomnia of my life. Save for this morning (from about 7am-12pm), the last time I slept was Friday night. And it wasn't that type of groggy insomnia either, I was wide awake and fully alert. I'm used to sleeping, eating, thinking and being totally encumbered by some sort of stressful situation. And what's wild is, the more stressed I am, the MORE I wanna sleep. lol.

Anyway, I'm just letting my days pass away. I need to be WRITING. Doing ART. I'm procrastinating on procrastinating...it's that bad. But mostly I have to try and get a normal sleeping pattern back. And eating pattern, my appetite is all over the place.

*sigh*

I need to find me a man.

hahahaaa...such thoughts make me laugh. Toronto, the city of little boys who ride bikes. With rims! *rolls eyes*

I heard that in Japan they dig the sistahs. Ooooo. Wikked. Maybe I can come back yelling watasiwatomodatiniaimasita!

Now that'd be sugee-sugee.

Upendo.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Japanese Word of the Day:

Watashi wa onaka ga suite imasu.

I'm hungry. Or lit. trans. "My stomach is in the state of being empty."

Current e-Motions: mmm, saaalmooonnn...with wild rice! Yummmm.
Wikked Riddims: The Most Serene Republic - Underwater Cinematographer - "Content Always Was My Favourite Colour"

| Why I'm Not Gonna NOT Do It |

Jason has been sending mass emails for a while now trying to convince all that he knows and loves to 'othercott' The DaVinci Code.

I respect the hustle J. But...

I haven't responded to any of those emails. And you wanna know why?

Cuz I am NOT threatened by this movie at all.

I believe people who profess the faith(TM) should go see it. You know why?
Ok wait. Before I get to my reasoning, lemme give some background cushioning.

I despise the Catholic church and the institution of the Vatican, point blank. I don't think I've ever made that secret. I hold it in absolutely NO authority over the faith, over Yesh, over anything that has to do with those who follow him. Because of the Catholic church, religions worldwide have been born and have been misguided and mislead and continue to be in mass confusion over all that is God.

MIND YOU...I don't have a problem with Catholic people, I have a lot of friends who are Catholic and/or were raised Catholic and aren't Catholic anymore (surprise, surprise) and those who happen to unfortunately fall under the heading who GENUINELY are down for Yeshua, cuz there's tons of them. I mean I was singing along with a bunch of them on the subway when they were here in Tdot for World Youth Day 2002. Those people were on FIRE, lemme tell you. And I love them, and other Catholics dearly.

I had a love-hate relationship for Pope JPDeux (more on the love side)...I think he was just caught up in the the whole Pope-ism mix and couldn't really get out of it.

HOWEVER...the institution of Catholicism and the havoc it has reaked on the world is undeniable. (I'm not even gonna go into world history, cuz then I'd REALLY get heated.) The religiosity of its precepts and practices have surely screwed over the 'Christian' world. And I use the term 'Christian' loosely because I don't like it much. But that's a discussion for another day.

Anyway, the Catholic church has this overwhelming arrogance that this movie is completely contradictory to the 'Church' and the attitude presented is that the 'Church' can do no wrong. THAT IS ABSOLUTELY FALSE. The 'Church' has done and still continues to do MUCH wrong to this world and to those who claim Christianity. The foundation of Catholicism contains a resevoir of lies, and they're shaking in their boots now because a movie (and book) dares to oppose their authority.

I say go ahead and do it. Test em! Let them sweat a little.

DONT GET IT TWISTED though. I'm not in support of the book proclaiming itself to be TRUE either. I think the author has issues. To me, it's fiction and that's what its intention should be. EVERYONE has a right to write about what they want. That's the world we live in, and that's a God given right = it's called free will. Anyway, the movie, from what I've heard and read from Ron Howard, IS NOT PROCLAIMING itself to be truth. And even if it WAS, who the heck CARES? People can believe what they want to believe, even if it conflicts with YOUR belief system. Deal with it.

I honestly think people need to face up with what conflicts with their beliefs. You see it as lies? You see it as a disgrace? You see it as something that insults everything you believe in and stand up for? Then use THAT as your counter arsenal. You think HaSatan is sitting around saying 'oh boo hoo the Christians and their bibles! How do i ever get them to stop telling lies about me!" THE DUDE HAS MEMORIZED MORE SCRIPTURE THAN YOU ALL AND I BOTH. He uses his oppositions truth as his ammunition. So what can we do with this movie? We can go see it, learn what they've learned, get equipped with the knowledge of it and then ATTACK those suckers afterward with what we deem as utterly false.

I think that's a dope battle plan. But maybe that's just me.

I just think we're drawing way too much attention to this movie, and it doesn't HAVE to be controversial.

It's like this other film that's out which I'm going to go see called Marock. There's this whooole controversy between Muslims and Jews now because the movie DARES to defy both religions rites and customs and it's all heretic and blahblahblahzayblahbleh.

LET GO OF YOUR RELIGIONS PEOPLE! Religion does not come before TRUTH. And religion is sure to set off fires people don't know how to put out. But I'm deviating from my original argument, which is again:

Learn the enemy's tactics. All people in battle know this is a sure fire way, not only to win a war, but to keep your opposition from even TRYING to test you again.

I'm sorry for all the war rhetoric. As a pacifist, it's kinda crazy that I'm using all this terminology. But then again, I watched The Chronicles of Narnia FINALLY last night. And I'm in a spiritual warmonger mood. lol.


Anyway, I think I've made my point. And if I haven't, let me know where I've slipped up or where it doesn't make sense. I'll be happy to clarify.

Now I'm not much of a mainstream movie goer so I won't be seeing it tomorrow. Probably in the next few weeks or something, cuz I have a ton of indie flicks to check out at the moment. But that's it. I mean all power to you all, who decide to 'othercott' or boycott or whatever else, but I just don't think that's the answer or by doing that, will it facilitate necessary discussions between people about faith, religion or spirituality. We need challenges. We need conflicts. But mostly, we need open minds. Because minds willing to open, are willingly open to change. And movies/books/things/ideas/thoughts/conventions that rattle us, shouldn't be things we're scared of or run from.

But things we face head on.

I'm just hardcore like that.

Maybe some of you are too.

Upendo.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Leshem Shamayim



(le-shem sha-MAI-yeem) phr. “For the sake of heaven!” For the Name of God; in honor of God. Machloket leshem shamayim is an argument/strife (machloket) for the purpose of reaching truth.


Current e-Motions: I think I missed CSI!!! *sobs*
Wikked Riddims: Leslie Feist - Monarch - "La Sirena"...I *swoon* this song...

| G.A.N.G.S.T.E.R. |

Ha!

Almost back.

Stay tuned.

| can't sleep, won't sleep. |

So I'm still awake. Like WIDE awake like I had an overdose of Redbull. But I don't drink that mess (anymore), thanks to a certain Tillman-Young.

Yup, AWAKE. Doing laundry at the moment. Oh and I even braided my hair, like braids-braids, extension-braids. They look pretty good for a first timer. I'm such a do-it-ya-self-sucka type of person. I'd make everything I own, if I could. Actually, about 60% of what I own, the majority of it, I can make. I have the skills to make, rather. God is so good.

Awake. I'm an insomniac, but add a few pre-surgery jitters and my lack of mom-age and I'm really a wreck. I want my mommy to be heeeereee! Waaaaaaa!
I'm a sucker.

I have like this makeshift will and testament in my written diary in case I don't make it. lol. Adam will inherit everything I have online, which is a lot! You better appreciate it too punk. Or else I *will* haunt you.

I'll be fine though. My mom had this lady from her workplace pray with me over the phone earlier. She's fiery, man! It's amazing to talk to people who have waaaay more faith than you do. It's something you aspire to be/become.

It's t-minus 4 hours.

Lord.

I guess this would be a good time to confess and repent of all of my treacherous faults. I think I should get to it. Not on here though, y'all are too nosy.

You know what I realized though? When facing a situation that has your life at stake, you really begin to understand how useless religion is. Now say I crash and burn during the surgery...will the Mishnah do *anything* for me at that point? Um NO. Will a book of siddur be worth much? Nope. Having a bible at the bedside? Heck nah.

All intangible things become priceless at that point. Such as faith, such as love, such as belief, such as knowing God IS. And that's it. That's all it comes down to in the end, so why are we ALL so divided, hmmmm? Let's truly ponder this deep within our spirits. Maybe someone can come up with an answer.

I swear I think about religion, spirituality and philosophy almost ALL of the time. I'm sure I'll be dreaming about it while they drug me to sleep. And THAT's the part that's making me queasy. I'm so resistent to drugs. What if I don't even GET knocked out? What if I'm wide awake during the whole dang thing? What if it's the complete opposite and that stuff knocks me so far out it takes me forever to wake up?

Ok, there's my fears. Bite me.

My mind is flooded.

And my laundry needs my attention.

So I'll go. Sleep later. Something like that.

Pray I come back in good spirits, heck even bad spirits. Any spirits! Just as long as I'm alive!!!

K, that's it.

Upendo, everyone.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: !&)(*!!^!!_!_!!(!***!^^!_???"":
Wikked Riddims: (fill in with random church hymn)

| Ok, this is an issue... |

My niece even has a boyfriend...?

It's so serious! lol.

Ahem, exhibit a):



She's givin him some of that chokehold love. He must've said something fresh...like asked for her last Skittle or something.

exhibit b):



They obviously wanted some alone time, sheesh.

And finally, the evidence proves:



A couple made in...preschool. They're too cute. You should listen to their game show theme song. Everytime my niece sings it and her lil-man does the back up beat I'm convulsing on the floor with laughter. They're too much.

This is by Bluffers Park aka The Bluffs (for the Tdot heads who know, holler!), btw. It's a beautiful place. A place where I've written many in-the-dome-poems, that have never made it onto paper. I mean this would inspire anyone:



Right?

Then again...so would this:



I feel a poem brewing already.

The pollution in Lake Ontario is a huge problem that Toronto has been ignoring since the foundation of the megacity. It's disgusting: dead fish, bad smell, floating Tim Horton's cups. edit: Jason has attested to this. Thus, no swimming allowed suckas.

Anyway, the Bluffs are a pretty *sight* to behold en masse. When you're there you really *do* want to swim, so it's just a big goop of lake water teasing. But if you do end up in Toronto on a whim, do check it out. It's in The Boroooouughhhh *licks shots* (I spent the first 5 years of my life there, shutup).

Anyway, onto my stalkee lover 'inspiration', Jeff Johnson.



*swoooooooooon*

*starry eyed*

.....


..................


oh yeah, as I was...

He has yet another show on Black Exploitation Television, and once again, it is the only show worth tuning in for. I honestly, just ran into it on Sunday night while flipping channels. I didn't know BET was making another attempt at News. I thought News was dead on that network, but alas, Monsieur Johnson has resurrected it. And man, about time somebody did!

The Chop Up, is actually a decent show. They did a extenda-segment on Biggie's mysterious and still unsolved murder, which was well done. I forget the producer's name, they had him on the show too. Then they have this other dude named Samson who takes his consciousness of world events onto the street. He basically asks random people what their views are regarding world events. And of course, everyone is in their own stupefied state of mind to know that Israel is burning down, or that the US and Canada are becoming logging buddies on the daily (not mention the Canadian dollar is becoming its own lil Fort Knox, ahem).

Yeah...this Samson dude is GULLY, lemme tell you. But you can tell he's aware of the world around him. And not only do I like that, I respect it. Good luck deciphering his fluency in Brooklynese though, it can catch you off guard.

Anyway, at times, the show comes off a bit corny. You can tell they're trying to reach teenagers, so it's a little 'put on' for the sake of the Y-generation. Anyway, for its saturation of corniness, there's only one person to blame...



THIS HEFFA This chick. Who is a self-acclaimed 'uppity negro'. Firstly, that's an ignorant as all hell label to name yourself. Define 'uppity' and then define 'negro', then get back to me. (read: Read some Franz Fanon and Wole Soyinka to enlighten your obviously clueless behind, wench). Anyway, she just seems a lil too contrived. Like tailor made for the show almost. A cut out template a la Hype Williams videos. Like gimme a break, her name just happens to be 'Jina Johnson'...? And NO they're NOT married. I obviously would know if they were. *evil stalker laugh*

Yeah, she just seems 'ugh' to me. Mehfehblah(TM), even. And I have a feeling any girl they paired up to co-host with Jeff, would pretty much get the same roasting. But this chica decided to announce her idiocy, therefore she gets it even worse.

So yeah...I move on...

...to bed. No first I gotta make necklaces, and then read ADAMU-SAN's ARTICLE...and then bedtime. Today I had 4 customers come up to me and comment on my necklace. I had 2 do the same yesterday. It's been going on for a while now that I think about it. hahahaha, it's time to get the business up and running! They couldn't believe I made them which only means = quality stuff. I'm so proud of myself *pats Cee on the back*.

K, that is all. I'm offline like network downtime.

Upendo.

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: feelin gooood...chillin...tired...hyped...a bit of everything!
Wikked Riddims: Metric - Old World Underground, Where Are You Now? - "Dead Disco"