| Bored Without Stress |

Let's be real: I'm usually frantic about something. My exterior forever in tact (cuz I can pull of *looking* calm REAL easily), underneath I tend to stress about a lot of things. The last 10 years of my life have been built and demolished by stress.

So now...to be at a point where my health is back in order. I'm finito with school. I'm on my way to Japan in a matter of months. Not having to be at work until next month....maaaaan...


Yeah I know I'm recovering, I'm supposed to take it easy and such, but I need to DO something. I did half a workout today just because I've had enough. Ok it wasn't half, just like the warmup and then 3 minutes of cardio, shutup. But nonetheless, I just can't take having nothing to do. And even moreso, nothing to be worried about.

I'm a worrier, tried and true. Doesn't mean I don't have faith, I just tend to be concerned about eeeeverything all at once. And then I'm a sensationalist, and make it seem like it's more of a problem than it is. Theeeen, if it really looks bad, I'm a fatalist. Believing all that I am and will become is doomed.

But that cycle of madness is over, B"H. NOW what am I gonna do? I don't know how to live having nothing to worry about. I know that sounds creepy but it's true. I'm having the worst insomnia of my life. Save for this morning (from about 7am-12pm), the last time I slept was Friday night. And it wasn't that type of groggy insomnia either, I was wide awake and fully alert. I'm used to sleeping, eating, thinking and being totally encumbered by some sort of stressful situation. And what's wild is, the more stressed I am, the MORE I wanna sleep. lol.

Anyway, I'm just letting my days pass away. I need to be WRITING. Doing ART. I'm procrastinating on procrastinating...it's that bad. But mostly I have to try and get a normal sleeping pattern back. And eating pattern, my appetite is all over the place.


I need to find me a man.

hahahaaa...such thoughts make me laugh. Toronto, the city of little boys who ride bikes. With rims! *rolls eyes*

I heard that in Japan they dig the sistahs. Ooooo. Wikked. Maybe I can come back yelling watasiwatomodatiniaimasita!

Now that'd be sugee-sugee.


Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Japanese Word of the Day:

Watashi wa onaka ga suite imasu.

I'm hungry. Or lit. trans. "My stomach is in the state of being empty."

Current e-Motions: mmm, saaalmooonnn...with wild rice! Yummmm.
Wikked Riddims: The Most Serene Republic - Underwater Cinematographer - "Content Always Was My Favourite Colour"


Joel said...

Hi C-,
I just want to say hey, a shout across the prairies and mighty Lake Superior. A couple of weeks ago I passed through Tchrono and spent a night with my uncle in Brantford. Man, I forgot how pretty it is in Ontario. Now I'm back in S'toon with my family, adjusting to static home life, trying to figure out what the Father's plan is for the time to come. I know what you're talking about, the need to establish a stable schedule. I'm working on that right now.
Why are you going to Japan? I mean, besides the opportunity to practice speaking the language.

Have a sweet day, lean on Yeshua, be strong.


Hip-Hope Sparrow said...

Why Japan? Because J.A.P. is in the country's name (I love the country even more because of it actuallym, despite the atrocities of WWII in the Philippines). Still, you could be hobnobbing with me in New York City with bubble tea in hand and I can personally introduce you to Adrienne in Harlem. btw, I'm back to blogspot with a personal one to post pics (I got a dope digital camera for my 30th, yowzers):


Shalom and G_d bless you C!

jasdye said...


so, it's gonna really happen? holy schnikies! Lord bless you on that, sis.

mindful said...

looks like we all need to "relax, relate, release." i know all about the worrying... kudos on no more school :-)

Gab said...

Haha! You sound like me it's almost scary! Boredom is a life-sucker.

It's weird not having anything to think about.

If you get a chance go here and listen to the pentecost sermons at my church. It will change your life, seriously. I'm telling everyone that.

Japan? Oooh. Wow that's gonna be awesome. Take a lot of pictures and bring me something back. ;-)

solitaire said...

Hey, your friend Joel is in this flat province as well! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME, CEE! PURE BLAZINGS!!! hahahaa kidding kidding.

Anyway, I feel you on the being calm thing outside. I think one thing that has brought me this far in this business is the fact that I'm very, VERY calm. I've had other producers scream and wail in frustration while I just went about my business and did what I had to do to fix the problem.
I don't raise my voice, I don't curse, I don't carry on unproper, I don't drink, I don't smoke. I GOTS THESE PEEPS TWISTED, to use some ghetto vernacular, ha ha.

Japan, huh? Oh lawd. I told you about... no wait, I'll email you about that. I want to visit Japan for Hello Kitty stuff, but I am afraid I will run into someone who broke my heart very, VERY badly.


I didn't read your others posts...what are you going there for?

I'm sorry, but yuh will NEVER find me with an Asian man. BLACK MEN FOREVER.

I feel ya on the Toronto 'boys' thing... ha ha. BUN DEM.