| *waves* |

I'm in a time warp. A meltdown. An I-gotta-freakin-finish-school-or-else mentality that has kept me away from you lovely people and your lovely comments. Sans Jason. :)

I can't BELIEVE Adam has updated before me! The apocalypse is near.

Hi to Gabi with an i's friend, CJC...right? Thanks for visiting my blog :) I promise you it's not usually a desert in here, but I've gone Sahara as of late. School is my number one priority. I even DREAM about assignments, essays, exams, etc. That's scary...but I'm used to it. I'll answer your questions as soon as I get a decent amount of time. Sorry for the delay in the meantime.

That's all I have for now, folks. I'm a senior-year askari. I don't have anything else going on BUT school. Yes, even Yuri [The Russian(TM)] is included under the listing of 'school', he's even more intense than I am. *swoons* ahhh, the Russians, gotta love em. We argued about Russia beating Canada in the Olympics, in hockey, of course. That was fun. I missed out on our study-date last week because I got sick, but I'll see him on Friday.

That's about it. Sorry y'all. I'm as boring as a bulletin board. Speaking of which, I gotta update some due dates on my whiteboard.

See y'all in April. Im Yirtze Hashem (God willin').

Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Wikked Riddims: Everything Coldplay. That's how I keep my sanity. Though K'Naan has been in my ears a lot lately.



Wouldn't he be perfect for me? Boho, epitomized.
Anyway, he's going on tour in Europe I hear, y'all int'l peoples should check him - I'm CONVINCED he's the Somali-Canadian equivalent to Common. (Yes, that excludes K-os.)

| Hahahahaa... |

I met a Russian!

And he's Jewish!

He's so dope. *swoon*

He an I analyzed the objective correlatives in Shir-HaShirim (Songs of Solomon) today in class (it's a Medieval Drama English Lit course that treads along the lines of Biblical analyzation/parallels here and there, pretty fun, same class I spoke about last post) and, he completely broke down the assonance and caesura I missed from reading it before.

Wow.

He's so...hmmm...I dunno. He's artistic. Like that very raw and irregular type of artist. Very earthy and organic. Not quite boho, cuz, duh, he's Russian. I ended up flipping through his notebook today and saw all these sketches. He's amazingly talented. He has a sharp edge to the images he thinks up and draws. He's not even a English major! He's a film major! lol, that made me laugh for two reasons. And those two people know why.

Heh heh...he's gonna help me with my essay. And y'all KNOW I don't need any help with essays. Bwahahaha.

He and I never really talked before today when we were forced into a mutual discussion group. And the whole time he and I just couldn't stop talking. He's intelligent. But not pretentious and irritating like most intelligent people. He's rare and fascinating. Like you could talk about Jay-Z and Dostoevsky in the same sentence with him. lol. But he's really in touch with the world around him...hmmm...he's almost...mysterious...sorta...

This should be interesting.

More later! Oh yeah, and Happy St. Pat's day. Thanks to VeggieTales, I know aaaaaall about him.

Shabbat Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Hebrew Word of the Day:

Kiddush



(keed-DOOSH) n. A prayer recited, usually over wine, on the evenings and mornings of Sabbaths and holidays. “Sanctification,” and specifically the blessing over wine recited on Shabbat and holidays. Kiddush is the ritual performed on the Sabbath and festival days, consisting of a liturgical text recited over a full cup of wine which is then drunk.

Current e-Motions: I feel like that day back in gr. 11 when I read Journey to Ixtlan for the first time.
Wikked Riddims: (earlier) City and Colour - Sometimes - "Save Your Scissors" (now) Steve McConnell - We Delight - "Ki T'hilati Attah"

| I let lil things break me - Christine who? |

I do and it really sucks.

You know, I shouldn't let certain things or people bother me, but I do. Cuz I care. And I hate when I lose something I care about. Or just a particular portion of it. Like...my heart breaks a lil. A lot. Cuz no matter how much you wish, you'll never get that portion back. And that was the portion you really took the time to treasure. And invest your time and effort, and heck even money into, indirectly.

Things change. People change. Shoot, I change all the time. Yet I manage to still be Christine. Don't I?

I already hate this post.

Y'all are an insane bunch of talmidim. lol. Thanks for the responses last post. I got MAD at Jason, but quickly realized that there was no real reason for me to be upset. None of you *really* participated in my heresy and that's fine, I guess you missed the gist of where I was going and what I was trying to do. Have any of y'all seen 'The Body'? If not, that explains why no one really got my point. You would've had to have seen that movie.

Anyway, Jen gets the Academy Award for calmest and soundest argument ever. Thank you, again.

And Adam gets the Jimmy Swaggart Award for mentioning me being condemned to hell. I liked that one lol. And the ref. to Gabi on top of it! Two awards for you.

*sigh*

I was feelin pretty irie tonight before I talked to certain people. And then the cryptic, emo, downtrodden Christine emerged. I don't wanna do that tonight maaaan! I don't wanna be her right now. I have too much to be thankful for. And I'm just too freakin blessed for that. I really am.

And I'm talented. And cute. And fun to be around. And silly. And wonderfully clever. And a liar. Cuz I type out this kinda stuff in order to make myself believe it lol.

I'm going to a fashion show in two weeks. I don't even know what to weeeear! Toronto Fashion Week is next week too. I could've gotten passes! I didn't know they were opening it up to the public this time. Those heifers! Could've let a wanna-be designer know, sheesh.

And that wonderfully reformed Christine I mentioned last post...? Bump it. I ain't revealin her to none of y'all. Too much drama. I can already see it. I already lack friends, I don't need to lose anymore.

That's pretty shallow ain't it? Yup, guess so.

Ugh, I'm gonna go make bracelets. Read Lamentations. Ponder the purpose of life, etc.

What a disappointing evening.

PS. PS. I WILL say this. Today I was able to moderate a discussion of The Brome play Isaac and Abraham with a Catholic, a Jew, an agnostic, a Buddhist and and a Muslim. Why was I able to do this AND dominate the class as well? Cuz I've read and applied all the texts relevant to their faiths (or lack of), that's why. It's good to know the contents outside of your box. Tis all.


Shabbat Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: meeeeeeeh. and a side of 'feh' sprinked with 'blah'.
Wikked Riddims: (earlier today) Yellowcard (yup, them again! lol) - Lights and Sounds - "Waiting Game"...something about a 25-piece orchestra infused with rock that sounds out of this world. *swoon* (right now) John Reuben - Hindsight - "Hindsight"...it's a beautiful thing.

| Where are y'all? - Usual Rambling |

Ummm...have I become that obscure that y'all have abandoned me? *sniff* I mean can a sista take some tiiiime out to go through a VERY complicated part of her life? *choked up* Why hath thou forsaken meeeeeeeee *sobs*

[/melodrama]

I don't blame y'all really, I'd abandon this blog too. Shoot, I dance with the idea *daily*. I have a thing for reviving myself. Like a phoenix coming out of the ash. Wow, that was a corny metaphor. Scratch that. But yeah, I like starting anew. It feels good and fresh and...innocent, I guess. Hmmm...

Anyway yeah. Life's been tough, but I'm tougher. Even though I'm a big whiny baby on the side, babies can still kick bootay when they're ready. Like the Rugrats. Apparently, according to some silly quiz I did, I'm like Tommy. A leader. Fearless. Toothless. Bad-a!!.

Recognize.

Adam's birthday came and went and that sucka didn't even check his email. I'm hurt. But I'm not surprised. He's becoming more dark and brooding about his birthday's. What's THAT about Adam, huh?!?!! Suck it up. 23 is fun....

......

hahaha, I almost believed it!

You're still loved.

He was in Knoxville buying a 'concession trailer'. And NO I didn't look it up on google! I like what I've created in my imagination = a giant white RV-esque trailer with "The Tillman-Youngs" plastered on the side with graffiti in pink, like the remixed Partridge Family. Adam epitomizes the new Black Hick(TM). That's gonna become a hot new trend, trust. Adam will make it seem cool, somehow. He's already coined the phrase "Saint Pigeon John". He's unstoppable.

My fingers are freezing, but Tdot in itself is not cold. It's like pre-summer up here! Well for Canadians. Anything *not* in the minus range (Celsius) is celebratory, by decking out in capris/shorts/gauchos and some kind of shoe exposing your toes and heels. Sans socks. Except for those dudes that wear Umbro that *insist* on wearing tube socks with sandals. They need to be executed!

And uhhh Matthew aka Mattchu...where the heck are you? I check online every second (ok, only about twice) to see if you're there and you're not. I thought you were good to go as of yesterday punk?

You suck.

I miss ya, actually. I think I shall write you an email. Yes, yes I will.

I'm feeling really weird lately. Like every thing that comes out of my mouth sounds and feels weird. Yeah, that seems weird doesn't it? I dunno. My grad photos are next week Wed. That's insane. I dunno if I should do something conventional or rock out my fro in all its rebellious and untamed power. I'm feeling the latter. No headwraps though. I've decided against that. People are really insisting that I'm a Muslimah and I'm *really* not. Why? Just cuz I got a serious face on most of the time? Cuz I dress nicely and not like a hooch? Cuz I wear black a lot of the time? Cuz I read the Qur'an?! Cuz I go to Islamic meetings!!!

...shutup.

Nah, I don't go to their meetings. I've been tempted to do so though. And be like "JESUS up in THIS PIECE!!!" And I hold up my Messianic chain like a holy gangsta. *making cross signs*

(I'd get shot.)

I wish I *would* do that though! For any non-Christian group. What would they do? That'd be interesting.

Don't worry, I'm not a bible thumper. In *fact* my universalist views and beliefs are growing. I'm growing into someone very, very new, and very, very different. I will reveal her soon. As soon as she's come out of her closed-mindedness, overall fright and abounding fear of what people will think. Cuz I'm tired of caring what everyone thinks, but unfortunately, I've been socialized that way. Like the rest of humanity. (Sans Jesus.)

I got CRAZY questions I want to throw at you all. Some of you will be really annoyed. Some of you won't bother to notice. And some of you, will truly engage in thoughtful debate with me. Thank you.

My current question is this...and it's really not sacrilegious, so doooon't even come to me with that. Check it:

What if, somehow through spiritual revelation, science, a new sacred text or something combing all three...we found out that JESUS and BUDDHA were the SAME PERSON?! What if the patches and pieces of history completely messed us up, and they were indeed one person?

How would you approach that? How would you handle it? Would you change your 'label' in faith? Would you just instantly reject the notion even though it would have been PROVEN?

Hollerate.

How this question came about, you may wonder?

Oh, just this. Captured my attention. Provoked my thought. It's amazing when you have to step out of your box to truly analyze what you've decided to put *inside* the box in the first place, get me?

Ok, I'm becoming colder, so this is my cue to sign off. Tre, I dislike you so much. lol. After all this time resisting Leela (because of the overhype on OKP) and now giving into her...I'm addicted. Especially to "Didn't I"...SCREAMS my life.

Alright everyone...upendo-ai. That is if y'all even get to READ this!

Abandoners.

No Shalom for you!

Current e-Motions: pretty lightheaded and silly. I'm laughing for silly reasons. (I need sleep.)
Wikked Riddims: Leela James - A Change is Gonna Come - "Didn't I" wow, story of my life AND Franz Ferdinand - You Could Have It So Much Better - "The Fallen" whooooo! the lyrics, are awesome.

| ! |

Happy Birfday Adaaaaaammmm!!!!!!

Can y'all believe our lil A-diz is 23? Wow.

( I'll give you a call later when the int'l rates go down, mon ami. You know how I do. lol.)

| iamnever. (ever.) |

in your mind
you picture her foggy
like diamond dust in caves
in the deepest corners of descent.
underneath the sunset
you see her blindly -
dark enfolded
her eyes dead set on death
as she walked away from
the heaven you had mapped
out for her in your palm.

sheisthegirlyounevergotover.

and
and

iamnever (ever) her.

iam the mistake kept
hushed
and packed away
like icing from a
child with hyperactive
disorders and
it is almost shame
to consider the time
spent with a youth
so full of flavor -
rolling gently in love
where flower days
got cancelled
and lambs in pastures
refused to eat their
green stew.

testy surfaces
lace my body
with unseen lashes
in the eyes and hips -
and the womb quivers with the
thought of honours bestowed
planning to prolong
your genetic code
in tact.

iamnever her.

the girl who takes sunshine
and runs with it into the ocean
the girl who fits
into cubby holes at recess
and tells stories
to the little boys that
pulled her pigtails
and kissed her softly
in the backseat of
a single mother's chevy.

i
i
am the one whining.
using my fingers
as the cardinality
that'll lead me onto
hebrew scriptures
enforcing my
oneness as
some sort of
enlightenment
taoist charmers
wish to seek.

i
i
am the deleted scenes.
edited out
for good tv
and the drama filled
fractions of fortresses
built upon the scaly
black of me
left out drying
in iranian summers
wondering how i felt heat
and wondering how
water can be so
deep -
running
below me.

you are always that boy.
tilted in your music
and artistic creations
seemingly meaningful
at first but
losing all fervor
once mindfulness
escaped your focus
from today
into yesterdays
that were made out
to be eternally promising.

she was that girl
who never loved you
like me.

yet she is
is that girl
that can down
your flesh and
chastise it without limits.
knowing your struggles
within her goddess
only brings her more power
in the end.

iamnever that girl.
who would use you
for sick delight out
of boredom.

yet you love her
still.
and iamnever (ever)
the one
that
would
break
into your heart
and steal all your
treasures
insisting
that you owed
me
against your will.


© Revolt | 2.k.6.


Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

Current e-Motions: ......(tired)...
Wikked Riddims: K'Naan - The Dusty Foot Philosopher- "Blues For the Horn (hidden track) "