| iamnever. (ever.) |

in your mind
you picture her foggy
like diamond dust in caves
in the deepest corners of descent.
underneath the sunset
you see her blindly -
dark enfolded
her eyes dead set on death
as she walked away from
the heaven you had mapped
out for her in your palm.

sheisthegirlyounevergotover.

and
and

iamnever (ever) her.

iam the mistake kept
hushed
and packed away
like icing from a
child with hyperactive
disorders and
it is almost shame
to consider the time
spent with a youth
so full of flavor -
rolling gently in love
where flower days
got cancelled
and lambs in pastures
refused to eat their
green stew.

testy surfaces
lace my body
with unseen lashes
in the eyes and hips -
and the womb quivers with the
thought of honours bestowed
planning to prolong
your genetic code
in tact.

iamnever her.

the girl who takes sunshine
and runs with it into the ocean
the girl who fits
into cubby holes at recess
and tells stories
to the little boys that
pulled her pigtails
and kissed her softly
in the backseat of
a single mother's chevy.

i
i
am the one whining.
using my fingers
as the cardinality
that'll lead me onto
hebrew scriptures
enforcing my
oneness as
some sort of
enlightenment
taoist charmers
wish to seek.

i
i
am the deleted scenes.
edited out
for good tv
and the drama filled
fractions of fortresses
built upon the scaly
black of me
left out drying
in iranian summers
wondering how i felt heat
and wondering how
water can be so
deep -
running
below me.

you are always that boy.
tilted in your music
and artistic creations
seemingly meaningful
at first but
losing all fervor
once mindfulness
escaped your focus
from today
into yesterdays
that were made out
to be eternally promising.

she was that girl
who never loved you
like me.

yet she is
is that girl
that can down
your flesh and
chastise it without limits.
knowing your struggles
within her goddess
only brings her more power
in the end.

iamnever that girl.
who would use you
for sick delight out
of boredom.

yet you love her
still.
and iamnever (ever)
the one
that
would
break
into your heart
and steal all your
treasures
insisting
that you owed
me
against your will.


© Revolt | 2.k.6.


Shalom, chaverim and Oyasumi nasai.

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